★ {IVAN SOLOMON} ★ D8 [FIN/CBD]

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here’s not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia’s all I got left

★ { n a m e } ivan othelo solomon
★ { a g e } seventeen
★ { g e n d e r } male
★ { l o c a t i o n } district eight

It’s like I’m paranoid lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

Each shadow seems to jump at me in the heavy darkness of this filthy alleyway behind the pawn shop, each flutter of a bird's wings or rustle of leaves in the breeze a potential threat in the bright fearfulness of eyes the color of wet cement. The gun in my hands - stolen from a Peacekeeper's quarters by quick hands and heavy hearts - feels foreign and wrong against my fingers. It's not loaded, of course - it's no secret that I'd probably end up just shooting myself in the foot with it. It's for intimidation purposes only; that's all I'm really good for anyway.

What am I doing here? Nathan, our unwilling leader and my former closest friend, told me to keep lookout, but I know that the only reason I'm not inside with the others is because I'd probably just screw up the whole heist. People often overestimate me with my tall shoulders and my trademark shit-eating grin. Truth is, I'm just a useless extra, like a sixth finger, in face a lion but in heart a deer.

I wish things could go back to they way things used to be, when each of us had a family and I had a mother, before the factory fire that razed our old lives to the ground. I wish things could go back to how they were before - when Nathan and I were best bros, back when my own shadow didn't send me running and I could smile without it feeling like an act, artificial and wrong.

But things never happen the way we want them to, and now I'm stuck in a place where I don't belong, with people like brave Nathan and smart Evelyn and totally badass Alana when I'm just Ivan Solomon - and that's just not enough.

I don’t know what set me off first
But I know what I can’t stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can’t add up to what you can

★ { o t h e r } ★

★ { f a c e } tim borrmann
★ { p l o t s } python’s rise from the ashes plot
★ { s o n g } papercut by linkin park
★ { c o d e } oDair