Hallie Croft D4 Finished

I don't really want to talk about myself, I've never been a big advocate of doing stuff like that. I mean am I really that special that I deserve to describe myself, it just seems so....I don't know egotistical. If you must know than I'll try my best to help you get an image of me in your head. Don't expect much though, my features are more skeletal than human. I'm an alien to the human race in alot of ways. I'm not to fond of my looks. Where to start though, top to bottom, or bottom to top? Guess I'll start top to bottom, easier that way, at least for me.

Let's see, well to start I have light brown hair that hangs down to say my collarbone. It's messy most of the time and pulled back in a poneytail to keep it out of my eyes. It has this greacy shine to it that I just can't get rid of, all sixteen years of my life it's been that way. My mom tells me that she tried to find out why, but nothing came up for it and we were left with it. It straight and ugly with maybe a slight wave in it, nothing extraordinary to set me apart from anyone else, but it's me. That's why I like to pull it back in a poneytail, but than another problem comes up.

I have a rather large forehead, like I'm balding or something. This may be do to the fact that I pull my hair back to far, but to late now to make a difference with that I guess. Just take a glance a little lower, or maybe alot lower, and you'll come across my rather strange eyes. They look like I'm ready to fall asleep at any second, or like I'm bored with life. Even when I'm really excited or happy my eyes don't show it, it's like their dead to the world or something. So many times I've been picked on because of them, name calling and the like. I've even had a group of kids try and "fix" my eyes. You can only imagine how that went. I returned home with bloody eyes and a few tears in the lids. Suffice to say they've never really healed from that, and if anything they're worse than they were before.

Let's finish up on my face now, I'm getting tired of talking about it. Just talking about my face makes all of those wounds feel that fresh sting again. My nose is rather large for a nose, just another defect on my facial features. It turns up a little at the end, I guess you could say like a ski slope, very embarrassing really. People take every opportunity to point out my eyes and nose. Just once I want people to look at me because they think I'm attractive not because I'm a "freak". Just below that are my lips perhaps the only thing that is normal about me. Actually, they're better than normal, they're full and large and beautiful. In one of those rare moments when I smile it's always a big smile, full of happiness and joy.

The rest of my body, in my opinion, is rather non descript. I'm not very tall, probably about 5'4" maybe even shorter, and extremelt thin. Being from a poor family hasn't allowed me to get all that much food in me. Basically we scrounge for scraps to eat, but that's besides the point. In any event I'm extremely thin, and don't have alot of curve to my frame. Like seriously I'm about as flat as it get's, some people even question whether or not I'm a girl sometimes. Do you realize how embarrassing that is, to already be a social outcast from your looks, but than people question your gender.

I tend to like loose fitting close, if they're tight than it tends to show off my figure, or lack there of, and I really don't want that. I think the only time I wear something tight is when I go swimming, and that doesn't really count because it's a swimsuit. Typically I wear a pair of shorts that's I've had for the longest time. They're really short, but they do the trick, at least they cover everything they need to. I'll wear one of my older sister's shirts just because it doesn't fit me right and won't hug my body. If after all this you still don't have a good picture of who I am than I can't help you. That's all I'll say about myself, and please, don't ask for anymore.

I try to stay upbeat and postitive I really do. It's not in my nature though, and let's be honest if you had my life would you be very different? I'm very quiet and don't tend to say much, the less I say the less people will take notice of me. If people don't notice me than they won't ridicule me or insult me. I can't even talk to my own family because give them the opportunity to and they will ridicule me also. It was odd that my mom even tried to heal the cuts on my eyes when that incident happened, normally she was just as brutal. Everyone, down to my brothers and sisters make fun of me. I don't look like the rest of them, I don't look like anyone. As a result I'm very introverted and shy, and I never know how to handle myself outside the house.

Really in all honesty I'm a sad person, I don't have much to be happy about. I have a terrible family life, I'm the youngest of six children, people outside my home hate me. I don't fit in with them, I'm a freak. All throughout the day I'll wallow in my own self pity wondering when I will be given the opportunity to get away from it. Is it to much to ask for my life to get better in some way, maybe a little more food, someone to care about me? I don't think it's asking for to much, just a decent shot at life and happiness.

I'm a hopeless romantic, all the stories I read and the people around me falling in love, I just want to find that one person that will love me. Though....I don't want it to be a boy, I want to find a nice girl to be with. They're so much easier to be around, and let's be honest girls are so much nicer. Perhaps that's another reason why I'm set apart from everyone else, unlikely, but you never know. I just want to find love, someone who will care for and about me, though with my life and looks who's to say that I'll ever find that.

I love nature, it's one of the only things that brings me comfort. Looking around me it's my hope that the beauty of nature will somehow make me appear more attractive. I especially love birds, I love to hear their sweet chirps and tweets creating a song for all to enjoy. Perhaps it's the freedom they have, the ability to fly. I've always wanted to fly, fly away from this terrible place and for once have the ability to look down on others. Dreams of a child though, nothing more nothing less, what chance do I have of ever looking down on people.

I think that covers everything, at least as far as I'm concerned. Oh wait, no there is one more thing. I have a tendency to make up an imaginary world to live in, one where I'm loved by everyone and no longer a misfit. Sometimes I get so caught up in this imaginary world that I fail to see the reality around me, and I probably look like a raving lunatic to everyone around me. Now I think that's everything, though I'll let you know if I think of anything else. Just don't hate me for how I am okay, I don't like me either.

Well my life started out as anyone else's would, I was born into this world to Alexander and Judith Croft. I was their sixth child, a young frail looking girl. I was born prematurely weighing only two pounds, and I think this has something to do with how I've ended up. In any event instead of loving me like most parents would they practically left me for dead. It was almost as if they really didn't want me, even my brothers and sisters would have nothing to do with me. Somehow though I survived, though I question whether or not that's a good thing or a bad thing.

If you've ever read that old story of Cinderella my life is probably best described as hers. I do most of the housework and I almost never get anything nice to wear. Our family doesn't have alot of food as it is, but I always manage to only get enough to survive. From age five I was the maid of the house, fetch this, do that, clean this. It's amazing I have any self esteem or confidence....oh wait...I don't have either of them.

Whenever I get out of the house I regret it the instant I do. All the people seem to stop what they're doing and stare at me, and it makes me terribly uncomfortable. I mean I'm already self concious enough about how I look without people pointing and laughing at me. I'm not as....curvy....as most of the other girls in the district. Sure we can blame it on the food and all, but I'm not sure that it would have made much of a difference to anything. I've even had a group of kids around my age try and "fix" my appearance. Really all they did was beat me up and make me bleed alot, and want to never show my face to the world again. In responce I made up a world of my own to live in. A fantasy just like the books I read, though it hurt me more than anything to do that. After a while I had trouble discerning between what was in my imagination and what wasn't.

I grew older and my world grew worse, I wasn't loved, cared for, or anything. I pretty much had to fend for myself in the already brutal world around me. I tried to spend alot of time in my room or away from people because the less time I spent with them the better. To love and to be loved, that's all I want, I'm just afraid to go out and try and find the person who will love me and whom I can love. Sixteen and I'm still socially awkward and a pitiful sight to behold.