if only, if only {cici}

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Measure me, sky
Tell me I reach by a song
Nearer the stars
I have been little so long

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Time has taken me captive and trapped me in this vast corner of the gym where the ferocious avoid and the fearful take refuge. I am but a cowardly soul, for the thought of having all twenty-three other tributes watch me tremble beneath the weight of a sword is horrifying. However, I can't say that I don't want to. The swords and the arrows and the daggers--they're calling my name, asking me to stop dreaming and start living for once, but I just want to lie here for a few more seconds, drowning in the realities beneath these fantasies they've trapped us all in.

Every human being has an eternity that they will never escape, and this one is mine, the one that contains a sea of hope and nothing else. But hope is like a balloon. Once the helium dies, you have nothing left to keep you falling towards the sky. Still, the thought lingers at the edge of my conscience, asking me whether it may be better to fall to the hard-packed ground and die in the midst of cold reality than to fall towards the sky and sleep so peacefully in the blinding clouds that will never yield the truth. My mother was a cloud, holding me universes away from the dangerous grounds below, the answers she kept so secret. And here I am, lying across the rocks of reality, this unsettling feeling in my stomach reminding me of how peaceful a life in the sky really was.

I know it will take a countless number of showers to get this dried paint off my skin, seeing as who knows how long I've been lying here, one with the mountainous landscape. Every few seconds, I let my hand fall to the bucket of silver paint beside me, allowing the liquid to drip along my fingers before staining the grey rocks at my side. "Insouciance," I write with my index finger, it's echo so susurrous--I write that one too. I smile at the many words that litter the rocks around me, incomplete sentences formed from the dictionary was my childhood; I could so easily fall asleep...right here...right now. No one would know; maybe they'd never find me, and I'd just go right into the storage closets with the other rocks, trees, and landscape setups. Such a silly idea, but my brain has no time to consider much more before sleep takes the remains of my thoughts and crafts them into dreams.



A slight whimper escapes my lips, my hand crying out in pain as something threateningly hard holds it to the floor. It releases and my eyes flicker open to find that I'd been accidentally stepped on, as expected. I force my eyes to adjust to the light, processing the images before them. A girl's shoe, right next to my eyes. My eyes follow the shoe up to her pretty face, outlined by her short hair. "Pulchritudinous" is the first word that comes to mind and I immediately wish to write it; however, when I shift my hand so that it drops into the bucket, it drops limply to the floor and I look up to see girl heading towards the desert landscape with it. My paint! My words! My brain is still waking up, yet my hand instinctively reaches out and I grab her foot. "No," I murmur coarsely. "My paint." I sit up, caked in dry paint, and the force of reality nearly pushes me over again.

Ridiculous, I feel, as my brain awakes fully. Absolutely contemptible. Great first impression.

Sky, be my depth
Wind, be my width and my height
World, my heart's span
Loneliness, wings for my flight

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[ooc -- having lots of Faye feels. sorry xD <3]
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