fight me breh (open)

Well I, Reverend Joanna Gaga, Lady Gaga's love child with herself, was just on my way to Danny's grandma's house with some poisoned cookies for her to eat because grandmas love cookies and warm shit like that and suddenly I saw Danny himself approaching me and I was all HOLY CRAP NO YOU DON'T and then suddenly my false teeth flew out my mouth because I was SO SHOCKED and afraid I was gonna get busted so yeah that's how I got into a fight with that kid.

Why does this fugly slut think that he can take me when obviously my reverendness means that I have a forcefield. His spear comes jabbing at me and then bends like a flaccid dingaling. "Bitch why you not know that would happen" I cry before retrieving my teeth from where they are on the floor. Then I push my omnitrix and turn into... myself.

Except that now I have a massive fucking sword.

Which I promptly swing at Danny Sexypants.

[[attacks Sexypants with my sword of holy doom]]
[dice=200+1000]
[[Stabbed in chest, 9.5]]

Howling like the cougar I am, I proceed to move towards Danny Sexypants alluringly. "You know you like it", I shimmy, retrieving my dentures and sending them right at the young boy's face.

[[Scrapes Sexypants' face with dentures; knife of sluttiness and good dental records]]
[dice=200+2000]
[[Shallow Cut on Left Shoulder; 3.5]]

"You know that if you win you get to eat my cupcakes." The false teeth bounce off him. I cackle quietly, knowing that if he eats them he will die a horrid death. For now, I suppose, I can go without killing his grandmother.