take flight, be free .

And so it is with that, that I am writing my official leaving post.

Some people, they’re so lovely. Others, maybe not so much. I don’t think I ever got on really hated terms with any site member, and if I did, I’m sorry. I do know, however, that even though some people just treat you awfully (sometimes unintentionally, sometimes not), you learn more from those experiences and the truth shows itself. In a way, you can see those people with fresh eyes, and if you have the sense to part with them, good for you. I only wish I’d known that earlier.

Although this isn’t a congratulatory speech or an acceptance for some big award, I feel that I should acknowledge a few people who, even though they probably won’t even read this, have made me feel relatively normal at one stage or another – even if that feeling of normality only lasted for a single minute.



Cam – We’ve never been close but you have such an interesting personality, if you could say that. And you’ve been there for me a lot lately even if you’re crap at advice and stuff, and even if you do still scare me. You’re a great person, honestly.

Cici – We never did get to have a real thread, did we? I’m glad that we ended up getting to talk the past two months or so, because you’re a wonderful person and being able to talk to you was very nice.

Claudia – Oh wow, you are one of the people I’ve known the longest on the site, and you always make me smile every single time I talk to you. Your writing is beautiful and I’m so glad that I met you.

Sam – We don’t talk much anymore, but I remember how things used to be and the conversations you had with anybody who was willing to listen. You’re such an amazing person, and everybody loves you so much, remember that? I’ll never forget past conversations with you, and I’ll always remember jo.

Zoë – Oh, I can still remember those TCs where you tried getting me to speak, haha! You have the best sense of humour and even when you don’t mean to you can make other people laugh. I’m so glad that I got to meet you and even gladder that our time zones aren’t drastically apart, because you’re the sweetest person ever and I appreciate you so much, and all you’ve done to make me feel important.

Stare – I never really did talk to you that much, but you seem to have boosted my self-confidence a little more than it had been in the past. If it wasn’t for your RP tutoring and spending time to help me write better, I doubt I’d feel even half as proud of myself as I do now.

Meg – We never did talk that much, did we? You always seemed to have so many other better friends, and that was okay with me. I still wish we could have talked more, but I can still remember how you and Em were talking to me on skype for something I was upset over, and I really appreciate your effort and loving personality.

Chelsey – Chelsey, girl! You never, ever fail to put a smile on my face, even if all of our conversations do consist of entire paragraphs of capslocking. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and all the Heathermitch training was so, so appreciated. Threading with you was lovely, even if I didn’t hold my end of the threads at anywhere near a standard as you did. We’re going to still talk, whether you like it or not. It’s non-negotiable, because I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life to make me smile like an idiot at my laptop screen at ridiculous hours of the day/night.

Cass – You’re the most friendly person I’ve ever met, and you always put up with my unnecessary complaining just to try and make me feel better. If it wasn’t for you being in my life I know that I’d be even more of a sad shell than I am today, and every time I have the opportunity to talk to you is just lovely. You always see the positive side of things, and you always make me feel better. Yu just get me and never question what I’m saying, no matter how bizarre, and I love you so much for it, and I love you in general. We’re continuing to stay in touch and if we don’t I will walk all the way to WA to visit you. Yep.

Nicole – I don’t consider that falling out a fight, and I don’t want you to, either. It’s just a misunderstanding but we’re good now. I’m sorry I’m so stubborn and couldn’t accept your help or the truth, even when you gave it to me. Talking to you is like forgetting everything for a little while, because you just get it. We’re so alike, and if we stop talking after I’ve left I will just spam you on skype until you reply, okay? Even if icky timezones ew.

Em – Kyffin is still a thing don’t you dare ditch on me no matter what. I don’t know what to say, really. Heck, I don’t even know if I should write something for you, tbh. There’s nothing more to say, right? I’ve said all I can. I guess I never really thanked you properly, but. Thanks.



I’m really quite sad that I couldn’t get to know more of you personally, but you all seem so unbelievably genuine and gosh idk what to say and I’m crying again boo.

I think above all, I wish that people had liked me better. Often it was hard for people to get to know me when I hardly made it easy, and yet I felt so out of place amongst it all that I could hardly imagine the thought of putting myself out there and getting people to like me. That loneliness isn’t healthy. Each time I logged off the site (as well as in real life) I’d come away with a feeling of sadness washing over me, for the reality that nobody really liked me seemed to hit so much harder when I was on my own.

I wanted to cry and scream and I got so worked up about not having any friends all the time. And eventually you just can’t take that shit anymore, and the only option I have now is to leave. There’s no other way I can win, when I’m already fighting a losing battle, both on the site and in real life. The demons have just gotten too big, and although I try to get rid of them and free my mind by talking with my counsellor, I’m afraid they’re stuck for good. Do you know how that makes someone feel? Nobody gets it, and so the only thing left for me to do is sit in my room and cry. That’s all I’ve known, for a while now. I got pretty good at it when mum died, and so it’s just natural that it stayed with me over the past 16 and a half months, I suppose.

In a way, the site was an escape from the cruel realities of real life. It has helped me in ways that I’m still not sure, but I can just sense it. I don’t regret joining in the slightest. Before I started spiralling downwards, I may have gone for a short while feeling like I really, truly did belong. It’s nice.

I’ve already cried three times whilst writing this – not necessarily because I’m upset that I’m going away, but more to do with the fact that I’m just a sad mess of nothing that can be so easily discarded. I guess that’s a good indication to finish up this never-ending speech. I’m leaving now. I’m slipping away and nobody will really notice. I really do wish anyone who’s still bothering to read this the very best, and even though it’s been a year full of ups and downs and even though I’m still not sure if joining the site was ever a good idea or not, I’m glad.

There’s not much more to say, except that I leave with no regrets. That’s all I could have ever asked for <3.

— Cait .