Topaz Decemberov [Completed!]

Well, firstly, I'd describe myself as very quiet. I hardly ever say a thing unless it's very important, or I feel like it's just time to say something to break the silence. I'm shy as well, and throughout my years I have learned that being invisible is the best way to live life. I'm alright at doing that, but I get a bit clumsy and easily draw attention as well. This often causes people to laugh. I hate being laughed at, but of all things I've ever done someone has laughed about it. Usually I look kind of gloomy, I'm the opposite of hopeful. It's very hard to get me to smile, even harder to get me to laugh.

I don't easily trust people, because I'm scared they'll betray me. I absolutely hate it when people lie to me. I don't always tell the truth, but at least I don't go behind any one's back. I am a bit thoughtful though, and if I'm ever in a position where I can do something for someone (that I'm friends with) I'll do it. I'm a bit timid as well. Timid as in, I really don't want to go talk to anyone. I don't want to be touched. Although, I guess getting touched is another story. I just feel uncomfortable like that. I'm pretty much open-minded to any ideas anyone gets, and will follow out with them if they are sensible. I can get very needy sometimes, and have to get help. I'm not too proud of that, but it is how it is, and I can't change it.

I like manners, but I don't correct everyone's every manner drop. I myself don't always use them, so why force others to? I've been told I'm modest, but I'm not sure if that's good or not. Is it good to be modest? Bad? Whichever it is, it's there. I'm more of a listener than a talker. I'm extremely observant, and notice little details most people wouldn't. I try to keep my past behind me, and instead of telling everyone how hard my life has been (it wouldn't do anyways, everyone here has a hard life), I keep it inside. For the most part anyways. I'm not getting rid of that expression on my face.

I have a few habits. Some are good, some bad, and some are just neutral. One of them is fingernail biting. This isn't such a good habit, but it's what I do. I can't really help it, although I just do it when I get nervous. I talk in my sleep, but that can be bad and neutral. I hate getting woken up and laughed at for some crazy dream I was having. Sometimes I mumble if I'm angry or scared. Another habit I've got is apologizing without need. I'm just so used to it, out of habit whenever anything goes wrong for anybody I apologize.

I really love painting, but sadly, I hardly ever have anything proper to paint with. Instead I use coal on the ground. I would never ruin the sidewalk or road for fear of getting caught, so I just grind coal pieces into dust, and if I find any dust use it, and sprinkle it in shapes. Sometiems it's pretty, but other times it gets extremely ugly. Sometimes I feel like the ugly ones are the only ones the wind doesn't blow away.

I love reading, and learning in general. I could read for hours. Learning things is one of the things I do best, along with painting. I'm very smart, and learn quick as lightning. I hardly ever forget anything. This comes as a blessing and a curse. If I can't forget something bad, that's terrible. Along with this I love to write. I only get to write in school, but it certainly is fun.

I don't like to sing, even though I'm okay with hearing other people sing. I'm not a fan of dancing either. I'm not good at weaving or sewing either, as most people can obviously see.

I was an unwanted child. Hated for being born. It wasn't my fault at all. It never was. But it certainly seemed that way. My parents didn't mean to have me. They did it one night, and I was concieved. Not my fault, but their's. Only a few hours after I was born they left me in from of the Community Home, abandoning me - leaving me to my own devices. I don't remember getting left there, because I only know what I've been told.

I stayed there, going no where, doing what all babies do without a proper mother and father. Cried, slept, even went through stages of not caring. It went on for two years. I grew up like all the other kids, just a little bit off. You see, I didn't exactly socialize the way everyone esle did. I didn't play in groups, or participate in their little games. A toddler can certainly do these things, but I didn't. There was nothing wrong with me. I just didn't want to. I felt as though I was detached from the world, like I was the only person. Even though I wasn't, it certainly felt that way sometimes.

The same year I was two, some boy was sitting against the wall. I had no intention of saying a word, nonetheless, I didn't have such a very big vocabulary. The most I could do was walk and say a few basic sentences. "Hi." He'd said. I joined him sitting against the wall, and played with my fingers. I thought nothing of it, mostly because I was just a little toddler. Well, when I was four, he seemed to recognize me a bit. "Hi." He'd said again, and this time he was seven years old. I joined him by the wall again. I was four and he was seven, but we had some sort of mutual understanding between eachother. His name was Emerald, although some people called him Em. I call him Em because he hates the name Emerald. I really don't want to upset him.

Em took care of me like we were related. I started to feel like he was my big brother. I relied on him, but didn't like to take from him. I would never let him give me any of his food. He sometimes snuck me out, and we'd walk around outside. One day when we were out walking, some people heard us talking, and calling eachother by name. Well, about four people nearly ran up to us with those excited faces and told us about themselves. Gems? Now, I thought being named after a gem would be so rare in District 12. Anyways, the four people were Garnet, Amethyst, Opal, and Citrine. They were so excited about the thought of having a group of people named after Gems we really just agreed to be friends then darted back to the Community Home.

We did go out a few more times. We never saw those kids again, except for about three months later. Except this time it was ten kids instead of four. They seemed kind of upset with us, asking us why we dissapeared, since we were the missing gems. I just stood and watched while Em answered all the questions. Told them about our lives. I was only ten when all of this happened. They understood, and thats why we only see them every now and then. We can't follow their every move, because we always must dash back to the Community Home before we are missed. We were then part of a group. They didn't talk to me too much, I'm guessing they just liked my name. It's shameful, really.

Last year, when I was 11, I wondered were Ruby got all her pretty gems from. Turns out her parents owned a store that sold them all! I wouldn't go though, too scared. Much too scared. I don't know if Em went or not, but y'never know. I really hope I can make some real friends soon, because these fake friends can get kind of annoying.