The Big Hungry [Sin]

It's the kind of day where someone can just sit in the grass, breathe in the brisk air, and remember that tomorrow is just another day. I remember living on the ranch with Ma, listening to her sing some songs. Wish I could remember what she looked like again though. But then again, that doesn't matter because what is now matters. What happens this very moment. When I experience this very day. It brings a smile to my face, remembering that I'm on a new ranch without Ma or Pa. Pop was never the right father for me, but the man who adopted me is just right. He knows how to raise a child and treat them right.

I take in more air letting the day fill me. Momma Gates has just finished with the gardens and told me I had the entire day to myself. What can I do with it? There's plenty of people out now, maybe some of my friends are off doing something. I could go and search for them. But where's the use in that? I smile, lifting myself off the plush ground, the fresh grass leaving an indent of where I once was. The wind plays tricks with my hair in the thoughts. I can't just keep going to the same people. New friends will make each and every day more meaningful. That's what I set out to do, isn't that right Daisy? I smile, thinking of the places I can go. The fields are always empty, and the town square is just filled with a bunch of nobodies. I need someone who's real in life, a fresh face to the world of District Ten.

There is no adventure in just sitting. I stand myself, and with a cheery smile I shout, “Alright world, surprise me!”

The first stop was the main area in the district, which seemed a bit emptier than I remembered it usually being. Most people are around, trading supplies and such with one another. Instead it almost feels dead, quiet. Almost like my old home... I shake my head, wear a smile and giggle a bit. There's no need to think about the past. I'm here now, a part of the Gates and embarking on my new journey. A life self-created, a life self-maintained. I would find myself without having to rely on others. But it never hurt to make friends along the way.

I stop by a small kitchen, nothing too big, but I could use a quick bite to eat. All this walking and not doing much makes my stomach growl up a storm. And I like the small places, easy enough to support others when they help you out. I like that. We're all looking our for one another. Not like in those games. Having to watch this years has torn me apart. Both of the District Ten tributes are dead, the girl dying so soon. What if they had been me out there, taking the bullet for my team? I don't know if I could ever deal with the pain... But the boy, he was so frightening. To control his own life, to take it by himself, that wasn't something I could face either.

“Um, excuse me!”I speak, my voice chirpier than normal. “Can I-”

I'm cut off, brutally by the thumping of her palm on the crowd. She seems to want something, I'm almost unsure of, but then she motions her fingers toward the center of her palms. Money. Of course, some people in the district would take the soup and run off before paying the poor woman. It's best that she asks before hand, to save her the trouble of being robbed. But how could she see me as such a gal? I just shrug and pull out a few coins, handing it toward her. I smell the soup soon after, the arouma enough to make my stomach growl. It's about time to feed this beast. She pushes out a bowl of the soup, and waves me off. I just smile, give thanks, and walk over to the sitting area.

There's a lone boy inside, and rather than sit alone, I think I'll just sit with him. I was looking for someone to meet today anyways, and why not let it be him. So I slide the soup onto the table, push it toward an empty seat, and sit across from him. I must have the stupidest grin on my face when I look up at him, I can feel it. Compose yourself, he's gonna think you're some freak.

“How's the soup?” I ask, driving my spoon into the warm liquid.

I spin the spoon in my soup, watching the carrots and peas and such swirls around. If it weren't so murky I'm sure that my reflection would have shown through. My dorky smile would just be too much for me to stare at that I'm sure I would lose it with some giggles. But I don't want to scare the boy more than I'm sure I have. I'm just a normal girl anyways. Just a simple little girl from District Ten. I look up at him, that stupid little grin still plastered on my face as I listen to him speak. His voice is nice, something sweet behind every little syllable that breaks off his tongue.

“Well it's warm, and nothing has jumped out and tried to eat my face, like last time. So I suppose it's alright,” he says, chuckling in the moment. “How 'bout yours? Any eyeballs?”

I giggle at his words, how well he thinks and the plain ability in his humor. It's almost cute, the way he talks about the soup, but that's a boy for you. They know how to make a girl think she's special. Or maybe this be would be genuine. Not like I could just 'like' the boy on first glance, but he was adorable in speaking. He definitely seemed different than most of the big guys here in District Ten. Most were worried about tending to the farm and acting tough. He seemed so nice to just start talking to me. Usually I have to be so annoying. Instead, he was open enough to talk to me. How could I just be rude enough to not talk back? You couldn't Daisy, you're not that kind of gal.

“The name is Rendwick, by the way. Prefer you'd call me Ren, though. I sound like I'm from District 1 when you say the full thing,” He boldly speaks, as though he knew I'd ask for a name. What a boy.

“Well Ren, I think that's a nice name. Good for a boy to have a strong name,” I sip at the soup, the flavor foreign to my buds. “My name's Daisy. It's a pleasure.”

I stir the soup some more, letting the bits of carrot sit in my mouth. I don't remember why I bought such a bland tasting soup until my stomach growls again. I scoop up some more and eat away letting the warmth fill me up. How tasteful it will be in the end to get rid of the hunger. Too many go on without a single meal these days. That's what you get for not living in a career district. I smile at the thought and remember how wonderful it is to not come from such a place. The careers are such detestable characters. Always thinking for themselves and how great their society is compared to ours. Why do they get the luxury and we get to sit in the rut. What does it even matter? I'll just enjoy my little farm life. Being a small town girl suits me anyways.

“And if there were an eyeball, I'd be hollering louder than a squealing pig,” I take another bit of soup in, eying the boy with intensity. “I bet you'd be calmer than the grazing cattle though.”

The silence will kill me, though, if we aren't speaking. I'm not sure why, but I have to hear him talk more. There's something here, something about the boy, that isn't like the others. I know I thought it before but this is it. It's a hit or a miss. This girl aims to hit the ball.

“So then,”I wipe my mouth, looking at the half-empty bowl of soup. “Tell me about yourself Ren...” I blush after the thought, and raise my hands in protest. “No no, nevermind, I'm getting to comfortable, ain't I?” I giggle, combing back my hair. I must look so embarrassed right now. I can feel my cheeks just glowing with red. “Sorry, I just thought you might be willing to talk.”

It's almost a relief right now, to just speak without worrying about what I'm saying. Friends would just say, oh that's Daisy, but now I can just let myself blurt out those words that I keep caged it. Not let nervousness gnaw away at my beginning soul. The king of me that I'm searching for. A girl who courageous enough to speak her own mind and mean it. Setting up the scene of her life where things were as she sees it. That's what I want from this new day that the Gates have given me. I was going to have it. Nothing can stop Daisy now! I smile at the thought, waiting for Ren to speak.

"Don't be sorry, I could like the company. Kind of nice to see a pretty girl plop down in front of me to chat. Ain't everyday that happens." He's so nice, letting my speech not come between us.

I'm sure it may have set him off though that it makes me grab at the hem of my skirt. I'm so nervous, just how I am when I'm meeting new people. Gotta muster up some courage girl. I clench the cloth tightly and try to feel the blood flow through me. Try to feel it all go through me. The power that I've been building up all these years with the Gates. I'm my own person. Nothing's going to stop me from finding that person. And with each new face, each new life, I find a little bit more of myself in them. And he would help me make Daisy so much more, wouldn't he? I turn nervously, let myself breath for a few moments and turn back to him, listening intently.

"Other than the name, I'm a ranch boy. I fix the fencing, and fetch any loose cattle. And trust me, the buggers love to get me out a-fetchin'. Ain't got any break with that herd. Make sure I earn my money if ya know what I mean."

Such a good kid, working at a farm without complaining like most of the other farmhands. The boys I know throw about the words that Ma would slap your wrists for. I feel like I should just smack them for saying damn. But they are so strong and vulgar in speech while he is so different to them. This isn't what I expect out of the people here. I remember men like Elias running about here, ruining the lives of the District people. I always wonder what happened with him now that he's fallen silent. Now that things are not quite what they used to be. Just a quiet place with Mace. The old winner, the man who made the district known for a year and some. But I don't hear much from the Emberstatt's either. It's grown quiet.

I let go of my skirt and take a sip of the soup thinking on how to reply. “I ain't one for the animals really,” I say, my voice a bit shaky. I steady myself before talking again. “The boys at the ranch handle that. My Ma and I handle the crops, mainly just some herbs here and there.”

I'm blowing it, aren't I?
Can't keep back those memories?

My old man's put a gun to my head, and I'm praying he'll pull the trigger.

"Is that so?" He speaks as though he were crafting something, and how strange that is indeed. "Well. Things are an awful lot more exciting when there's animals involved. Lots of surprises. Good and bad, like heifers birthin' their calves or a bull busting out of the fence. 'Course there are probably some surprises to be had involving plants. Sudden frost would be a surprise!"

He's sort of right, about how boring picking herbs can be, but then again he can't really speak from experience. Being out there, getting the crop, you have to worry about a lot of things and Ma isn't always happy with how things turn out. She'll say something about the weather at times, having to make sure everything's covered or the plants will die. Pa just has to shoo the animals back into the barn. Ma and I have to try and find enough blankets to cover the healing plants. She's more afraid of those dying off because of their high value in this district. Plenty of people get hurt out there and can't really afford too high of a doctor's bill. Ma's willing to sell them plants that she's got, knowing that it'll ease the pain for just a day. And if we didn't have those... Ma's sure to panic.

I lean forward, plastering a mischievous grin on my face. I thought up a story, when I was little and picking the crop. “Well I gotta tell ya,” I twirl my hair, chew on a piece of meat from the stew, “it ain't so easy out there. On time, when I was about eleven, I got out there in the fields and helped pick a large bit of corn Ma grew. And when I was pulling back the weeds and reelin' in the crop, a nice sized snake jumped out at me.” I know I was exaggerating the size when I motions my arms to show length, but to me when I was a little girl, the thing was huge. “And let me tell you Pa came a runnin' out and cut that thing into pieces.”

I lean back in the chair and finish what's left of the broth as well, but not in the crude manner Ren does. He's a boy though, and boys don't need manners. It's the ladies who have to worry bout such things. It's not like the men are out to sell themselves to the public as this cute little thing to adore. Boys grow to men and have to be strong. Women have to be that subtle balance for them in society. But I hope to tip those scales one day. I bite my lip and look outside for a moment, then turn back to Ren. I'm sure Ma and Pa will be wondering where I am, even though I had the entire day off. I'm never out this often. But I'll just do it this once, just stay out a little longer and get to know Ren just a bit more. Get to know myself just a little longer.

The old man raises his gun, seems he didn't have it loaded.

My eyes move back toward the table, and I smile as he takes my bowl up for me. He's a sweet boy to do something like, for a girl who's little more than a stranger. Not many know kindness these days. Always fighting for ourselves and not another. That's what Panem wanted us to think. That there wasn't a way to help your neighbor. At any moment they could be forced to fight each other just to live another day. But Ren struck me as someone different, someone who didn't really quite get that in life. Ren probably thought there was more. Something sweeter, not quite sour. It makes me smile. Boy, what a fella. I stare at him as he comes back, some wanton in my eyes.

"So, ah, Daisy. I was hopin' maybe we could go out and take a stroll around the market if you were interested," he seems lost in his words, stuttering. And for someone his size. That wasn't something I'd ever seen in a man of his stature. "I think that it could be a lot of fun."

I rolls my eyes up in thought, looking at the ceiling and thinking about what could be fun. In all reality, a stroll out in the market would be a good time but there was something else. The town was just the same, even without the same people. He could enjoy something else, something better than this. But where could that be... I know I'd love to spend more time with the guy. He's so stand up, courteous, nothing like those other boys. Ren was just one of a kind. But then that means I don't have to do the same thing that the other boys do. Out in the fields, tipping cows and laughing bout times passed. Instead, I can show him something more meaningful.

I can show him life.

“How bout this instead,” I grin, looking up at those gentle eyes. “I show you some place that nobody around here knows about. It'll be fun, I swear it.”

Out in the fields, out where the animals don't graze and the world is quiet, I hide a small secret that no one knows about. Well, not entirely no one. I've shown maybe one or two people the place and they come back with me once in awhile. But it's a secret place. It's a hidden grace. My own little getaway. A small giggle escapes my lips. There's nothing hiding my excitement now. He's gotta say yes to this little surprise. He's gotta want to go to my special little place.

“You'll go, won't you?”
Won't leave, will ya?

I remember the first day I came across the place. It was so special, so unique compared to the rest of District Ten. No one grew flowers around here, but for some reason they were blooming all over the place when I reached the meadows. They were large, huge in amount and ran across at least an acre of land. And no one cultivated the land for some reason. It was just on edge of the district, close to the fence, which was probably the reason why the place hadn't been taken. Not too many like being around the outside. But the place was left undisturbed. Nothing evil rested there, just life and the abundance of it. Away from the touch of evil that hides in District Ten. I have the joy of being able to just enjoy life rather than kill it. Cultivate it so that the eyes will be able to see the pretty flowers. And now Ren will get to see, won't he?

But things were going to take a moment, just to slow down and realize that it was quite a walk toward the patch of land. And now it would just be an awkward walk with me and Ren if I didn't open her mouth and say something. That was alright though. I would find something to say to him. Something of interest about the garden before we got there. Build up the suspense and have him dying to get there. And then he'd be more than willing to talk to me again. I smile at the thought and get a little giddy. The thought of being able to converse with someone, to be with them again; friendship was definitely at a high value. And his seemed to maturing faster than most. He talking to me easy enough and was open enough to come to this place with a complete stranger. Not a lot of folks have that kind of trust anymore. Not with men like Graves out there.

"Do you think things will be getting any better here?"

I play with the bit of hair that curls near my ears and think on this. He's a sweetheart for hoping that this place will get better but by the looks of things it won't be happening anytime soon. The place was almost frozen in its state. Constantly getting on the fields each and every day, struggling to feed your family. It was the life of District Ten. And for anything to get better...

“We'd need another victor,” I say, almost harshly without even realizing where my voice was. “But at the moment Mace is the only champion here. He's all we have to say that we had a good year. Now each year we're just picked off so easily. Nobody wants another District Ten victor. We're so boring, right? Just a bunch of farm gals and guys.”

Papa's put a bullet in the chamber. He's ready to explode.