~{{Vulnerability//Bruno Standalone}}~

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
~Joe Lewis
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I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

A warm day, a nice breeze, everything was perfect. Too perfect, too close for comfort. Today was not any day, no; today was the day of the sixty-second bloodbath. It was the first time I had ever really cared about a Games before. I mean, I had paid attention obviously, but I had never really known the tributes. Not saying that I knew Theo really well, but I knew him in my heart more than I understood. I felt connected to that boy somehow; and I don’t know why. I wasn’t sure if I like the feeling or not, but it didn’t really matter, because it was there.

The day had started like almost every other day of my life. I woke up, got dressed, walked down the same stairs, and sat at the same table. It really didn't feel any different. I was confident in a way, like I had accomplished something. What I didn't understand is that over-confidence can be a big problem. I had lived thirteen almost fourteen years; that equaled one hundred sixty-seven months. You didn't really need to know that, I just felt like telling you. What I didn't know was that this day would change my life forever, and it would change it in ways I couldn't comprehend.

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
I'm falling to pieces

“Don’t be vulnerable. I mean, I’m Bruno.” His wide eyes, his tense body figure still etched into my mind, and I had a bad feeling it would stay there for the rest of my life. “Look, you don’t really know me, but I’m Bruno. I saw you perform a couple of times and I just wanted to tell you that. About being vulnerable and stuff, please don’t be.” The scene would play over and over in my mind no matter how much I begged it to stop.STOP, please, I’m begging you, go away…

“That was probably the worst way to say that, wasn’t it?” I was choking on my own thoughts now. Is that even possible, well obviously it is, because I was pulling that card off pretty well. “Um… What… what does ‘vulnerable’ mean?”That voice, I heard every single word of his in his voice, not my own. Anyone could have said those words that he spoke and they would’ve sounded like him to me. "Um, let's see, vulnerable means to be weak. So I guess I'm saying don't be weak."

"That was probably the worst way to go about this, wasn't it?" Why did I keep repeating myself? Looking back on this scene, I swear I probably looked like the most stupid, ridiculous person he had ever seen. "Please don't die. Okay?" What kind of question is that Bruno? Why would you ask him something like that? Of course he’s going to try not to die. I could see my own desperate face somehow, my trembling lip, and I knew I looked pathetic.

"I'm sorry; I mean I know I'm just wasting your time right?" Leaving that building that day had been a lot harder than I would have ever imagined. I had wandered around for a good amount of time before going home after that. Thoughts had decided to be murderers that night. I mean, I couldn’t sleep if I had tried. I tossed and turned more in one night than I had my whole life. I woke up the next morning in a groggy state of confusion, but then reality hit. Today…today is the start of the sixty-second Hunger Games.

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK
I'm falling to pieces

It usually took me a good half an hour to get out of bed and make it down the stairs. Today, it took me three minutes flat, and I know that because I timed myself. Don’t ask why, I just did. I mean, it wasn’t a clean run, because my shirt was on backwards, and my shoes were on different feet, but I made it down there. I had basically sprinted down the stairs, but as soon as I got towards the bottom I dropped down to a walk. My parents would know something was up if I just burst into the living room. I did my best to be my happy, energetic self, and it usually wasn’t a problem. But for some reason, today it was hard, it felt forced, and that was unusual for me.

I greeted my family with the usual “Good morning,” and sat down at the small table in our kitchen. My two brothers were already sitting at the table, and it surprised me that they had beat me there. “You are down here early.” I replied with a smirk that only a younger sibling could pull off, but their reply bit into me. “We could say the same to you.” They replied, with a cold, harsh bite in their tone. It surprised me, because usually we were the brothers that joked around and made wise cracks. Well this is weird.

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding

“Come on boys, the Games are about to start,” my dad’s voice sounded unemotional, you couldn’t read his face. I had never seen my dad’s face without emotion, and to be honest it scared me a little. Our family gathered around the little television, my brothers and parents on the couches and myself on the floor. The monitor flicked on quietly, and static filled the screen at first, but the picture that broke through the static was obvious, the tributes were about to be launched. The countdown had already begun when we started watching and it seemed to be about at the thirty second mark. My eyes immediately started trying to find Theo, and there he was. I swallowed, and I just wanted to talk to him more, to tell him he was going to be okay, and that he would make it out alright. I wonder what I would have said if I knew that wasn’t going to be the case.

I was in a dazed state, not really paying attention to what was going on around me until the loud buzzer snapped me back to reality. Everything was a blur, tributes sprinting every which way, trying to avoid death and gather the items strewn about the Cornucopia. I couldn’t really tell what was going on, but I saw two tributes bodies lying about. I prayed that they weren’t Theo, and for my own good I believe, they weren’t. One of the fallen was the boy from District Three and the other was the boy from District Two. I saw two fall to the ground dead, and I knew that totaled up to four dead. I don’t know why that after those first two died I became confident in Theo, but I did. But where did he go?

The bloodbath was raging on, and all I knew was that no one else had died and I couldn’t find Theo. For some reason, I kept convincing myself that he was still alive, that somehow he had managed to flee and he wasn’t dead. He wasn’t laying there bleeding out like he really was, and I finally got a decent enough look to tell that one of the fallen was Theo; I literally started dying on the inside. My heart came up into my throat, and there was this feeling on the inside of me like a numb tingling. I was shock for a couple of minutes, and then that shock changed into denial, and I sat there shaking my head. “No, no, no, that wasn’t Theo. He’s still alive right? Dad?” My voice had changed from its normal state into a cracking whisper.

I felt my dad’s strong hand on my shoulder, he was actually trying to comfort me for once, and I pushed him away. I stood up, my legs barely supporting my body, and I somehow made it over to the door. That denial had decided to change to anger, and there was no stopping it now. There was a small flowerpot by the door, and even through my weak hands I managed to chuck it across the room, I heard the shatter of the porcelain against the wall. I flung open the door and fell down the steps, because my feet had decided they wanted to fall and not walk like a normal person. I lay on the ground for a few seconds, and then I pulled myself up to a standing position. I don’t know why, but I found strength in my legs (I guess because I was mad, and adrenaline and all that stuff.) No matter what the cause, I started running, and I had no clue where I was going.

You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

I tripped over a couple of rocks, and I came close to falling more than once. I remember hitting a hole and I’m guessing I sprained my ankle. But now was not the time to care about that, and I sure didn’t. I probably would’ve run off the face of the earth if it wasn’t for the district boundaries. No matter how mad I was, I really didn’t feel like getting in trouble with the law. It felt like I had been running forever, but somehow I wasn’t tired. At some point I broke into a walk, and when I became smart enough to realize my surroundings, I figured out I was at College. I talked to Theo there; behind two of those doors was the room where I talked to Theo for the first time.

And it hurt. It hurt more than I can ever explain and more than anyone will ever understand. So don’t even ask, because, I can’t answer. And I don’t want to, I never want to speak of what happened that day, and the hurt I felt. Because, well, I have never experienced that kind of emotional pain, and it hurt more than any type of physical pain ever could. At that moment, I was experiencing both physical and mental pain, and I would have thought the physical would outweigh the mental. But it didn’t. It was a burden I would probably carry around for the rest of my life.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god I don't believe in

I don’t know really how long I sat in front of the college, because I zoned out again. Somewhere in the middle of that zoning I had completely passed out, and I don’t really think it was a pretty sight to see a thirteen year old boy passed out on the lush, green grass of a college. If you didn’t know any better, you would think I was just taking a nap. It really was a suitable place to do such a thing. Again, I don’t know how long I laid there; the only thing I know is that I woke up moving, but not on my own. I woke up in the arms of my father, who somehow had managed to find me, and now he was in the process of carrying me home. I decided to pretend I was still passed out, and then maybe I could pull a quick move and get out of his arms and start running. I mean, I appreciate the gesture, but I really don’t want to go home.

He must’ve felt me tense up though, because the second I tried to twist out of his arms, he tightened his grip. “Nice try son, but I’m a little faster than you think. Besides, you hurt your ankle; you don’t need to be going anywhere.” I let out a huff and crossed my arms over my chest. I felt like a little kid again, and I didn’t like it. We didn’t exchange any more conversation on the way home, and it felt like an eternity before our modest house came into view. He pushed open the door with his foot, (because someone in the state of rushing out it, had left it open) and he walked up the stairs and into my room. “Look Bruno, we know you’re upset.”

“That’s not half of it dad, you can’t even BEGIN to understand.” I was fighting back tears now, and I figured it wouldn’t be much longer before they started flowing. “You will never understand, I’m not upset- I’m- so much more than upset you can’t even fathom it.” A couple of tears rolled down my cheek, and I wiped them away with the sleeve of my shirt. “Can we not talk about it? I really don’t want to think about it right now.” You could tell my dad wanted to say something, but he thought better of it and both of my parents walked out. I flopped down onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow.

I heard the turn of the doorknob and the shutting of the door. Can I be left alone now? My thoughts were interrupted by the noise of something being done outside my door. I figured my parents would go into their room and I could sneak out, but once again I had underestimated my dad. That little noise outside had been my dad barricading my door; he knew that the first thing I would try would be to sneak out and go off into my own little world again. I didn’t know that until I went up to my door and tried to open it and I heard, “Not even worth the try son.” I had to give him credit though, he knew me well. I began to pace around my room, but the searing pain in my ankle made me sit down again.

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
No it don't break, no it don’t break even, no

I don’t know when I fell asleep, or how for that matter, but I managed to drift off hoping that everything would be better in the morning, and that this was just a nightmare and that I would wake up and Theo would still be alive. I laid my head down and pulled the covers over my shaking body, and shivered. I laid there for a while, maybe an hour or two, I’m not really sure, but the only thing I could think about was my last conversation with Theo, and then his horrific murder. I would hear my voice, then I would hear his voice, then I would see his face, and then I would see him dying. I pleaded with that scene for ages to go away, but it would never listen. That scene repeated itself for however long it took me to fall asleep. Don’t be vulnerable Theo. But you were, and you couldn’t help it.

~{{OCC: I don’t even know what this is, but feels}}~
~{{Lyrics are Breakeven by The Script}}~