Saint Nic[otine] // (Esau/Lethe)
Dec 15, 2012 16:09:16 GMT -5
Post by L△LIA on Dec 15, 2012 16:09:16 GMT -5
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
I am so fucking festive. My brother Jacob insisted that I wasn't cut out for the holiday spirit even as I was stuffing the pillow down the front of my Jolly Red Fat Man suit this morning, but today I swear I can feel it swelling up within me with every breath I take — or maybe that's just the cigarette smoke. It does tickle a bit, after all, as if magical Saint Nicotineelves were dancing a little jig in my lungs. Exhaling a breath of air white enough to make Jack Frost proud, I stub my cigarette out on the shiny red bucket at my side, a charitable collection to help support the local Community Home. The things a guy will do to earn a buck, right? "Give up your spare change!" A mother and child conveniently cross the street before they can tangle their paths with me, but I catch her eye with a wry smirk and an annoying shake of the bell I've been entrusted with. It sounds like: RING-A-DING-HAPPY-EFFING-HOLIDAYS-DING. "Hey! Orphans are only bad kids because they're cold and want some coal!" Not exactly in the script, but I've always had remarkable improvisational skills. They're impressed, I can tell.
It's colder than a homeless man's balls out and if I'm as low on good cheer as my dear Jakey-poo Grinch-brother thinks, then the rest of this town is as empty of the giving gumption as my hollow bucket is of charity. I suppose the weather is as worthy an excuse as any for all these selfish orphan-haters to keep on passing me and my angelic intentions by, but it just gets me thinking that: "You're all a sorry bunch of no good cheapskates!" And I'm not getting paid if I wind up empty handed. Mission failed. Today is clearly doomed to be a bust, but as I pick up my good ol' gas mask from the sidewalk behind of me, I'm still convinced I can make the most of it. Slipping the respirator over my face, I take a deep breath and prepare myself to greet the next pedestrian with all the holiday enthusiasm I've got left in me: "OOGIE BOOGIE GODDAMN BOO."He's making a list
He's checking it twice
Gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is coming to town