i told you to be patient ~. [thundy]

I don't understand why I am here. I don't understand why I am anywhere, really. The fact that I am outside is a remarkable feat. I have found myself at the edge of the District, the fence a mere ten feet in front of my face. From inside the safety of the District, the forest looks so large and unending. I can't fathom how far back the shadows and treetops must go; are the other Districts as fortunate to see this as mine is? Or is District Six the lucky one, the only place in this nation where a plethora of trees is visible? District Six is the middle District, the one that is not too poor yet not too rich to be hated by the poorer ones, either. Stuck in the midst of it all, ignored by all until the Hunger Games come into the picture. Like you, Casey.

I need to get out of this place. The sun has turned me into some kind of squinting, stumbling creature as it blares into my eyes and blinds me entirely. The summer sunlight is a cruel thing, turning your skin unnatural colours the longer you spend time underneath it. I spend my time indoors for that exact reason, yet sometimes I wonder if sheltering myself from any natural form of light is good for my skin, either. I am unnaturally pale, and with my veins so simply visible and the dark circles under my eyes so prominent it is difficult to think otherwise. Yet, I would rather have a lack of sunlight than an excess of it. The sunlight may come and go but the darkness is always there in one form or another. You can never escape it.

But Zak would love this day. He would smile at the sky, his white teeth glistening into the sun, eyes twinkling and hair sparkling. Everything about him radiated beauty, especially in the grandness of the daytime. Sometimes it is easier to pretend that he is still here than to feel the pain as I soak in that he is gone. It's days like these-the ones that I hate-that remind me of him the most. We were complete opposites, yet I strived to view the world in the way that he did. To be like him was a blessing that no person could ever deserve. Having him as a brother, a best friend, a lifeline was an unmitigated honour. Don't worry Casey, I'm still here.

My bare feet scrape across dry strips of bark and large stones as I scramble home, finding my hands flying toward the ground more times than I'd like to. I am halfway across the barren field when I fall again, perhaps for the fifth time. The sun is brutal and unrelenting, and I do not know the point of me going home any more. I will surely find myself hurtling down again, except I have a higher chance of returning home with a broken bone than arriving unscathed. I cannot go home, not now. I cannot face the violence that settles in the walls of my house, the sounds that escape Mom's mouth as Dad's fist connects with every inch of her frail body. I cannot go home, for fear that he will do the same to me. I cannot go home. I settle down on a pleasantly large patch of soft grass, stretching out my limbs and staring into the bright brilliance of the sky. It is a warm day, and the small zephyr that makes an appearance every so often does not qualify as a breeze. Even though the temperature is steadily increasing as the sun makes its arc in the sky, I cover my exposed skin with my jacket until only my face is visible. Here I will remain until the sun goes down, or until an unfortunate soul discovers me here. Hopefully, neither scenario happens.

Dwindle and fade, Casey...