All Your Love Will Be Exorcised // [Axie]

After the war we said we'd fight together
I guess we thought that's just what humans do, letting darkness grow
As if we need its palette and we need its colour
But now I've seen it through

Reggie could remember a time when Reaping Day brought a sense of excitement. Dresses worn once a year were yanked from the bottom of their trunks, and the mushed rouge that Ma kept was passed around. The walk to the District Center was long, but she never minded. It was so exciting, to be leaving the community home for the bustling town at the heart of Ten. It was positively cosmopolitan.

Of course, that was before the reaping started pulling Emberstatts like pebbles from a river, one after the other. They'd gotten Mace back, but at what cost? The cost of their teacher, the only person in the community home who tried to elevate them? Not that Reggie had been especially close to Elon, but she ached for him nevertheless, in sympathy and solidarity with her siblings. And it was never the same after Mace's name spread through Panem. She still donned her favorite dress - a white ruffly thing that fell below her knees and had delicate yellow eyelets that looked like daisies in the spring. It had a matching sash that wrapped around her petite waist, showing off her developing curves. Mace had given it to her after she had moved into the victor's mansion, and Reggie saved it for very important occasions.

Even if the Reaping had lost its shine, it was still an important day. Mace would be on the stage, and everyone would wait to hear if a -statt name would be called. Maybe hers, although she didn't ever feel that gut pull of warning. In fact she'd felt strangely detached all morning, bustling around the house, cajoling Mace into outfit after outfit until he finally gave up and wore something totally drab. Without Julian, he was hopeless. When it came time, the tables turned and Mace was the one hauling her out the door, when she just wanted one more look in the foyer's mirror.

No, she wasn't just getting dressed up for the cameras. She finally had another reason - a better reason - to look nice. Reggie had styled her hair for the first time in ages, forcing the wheat blonde waves into order. She was worried she'd overdone the eye makeup when a man in his thirties had the audacity to whistle at her when she was walking right at Mace's side. Of course he hadn't noticed. Worthless, she thought with a tight smile.

Once Mace was in place on the stage, Regalia wandered off to find her siblings. She hugged Val close enough to breathe in deeply, to check for the scent of hooch. She offered wide smiles to the rest of her sisters and wasn't at all surprised when Cygnus snubbed her. He'd always been a little jealous that Mace had chosen her to replace Elon at the victor's mansion, petty as he was. She couldn't find Icarus at all, but that wasn't unusual. Perhaps he was chasing after some bird. After dealing with the pleasantries of a large family, Reggie scanned the crowd. And there, across from her pen was Axel. She offered him a wink, a giggle, and then blended back in with her sisters.

She'd never liked speeches. Well, she'd never really paid attention enough to any of them to decide whether or not they were worth her time. Somewhere in the middle of the Capitolite's droning Reggie yawned and felt someone jab her in the ribs. She let out something between a giggle and a snort and was rewarded with scandalized stares. This is a serious affair, they seemed to say. Reggie wanted to stick her tongue out at all of them. She was still considering it when the names were announced. Her breath caught as Essence navigated the crowd. She knew her, vaguely, another poor girl caught on the outskirts of the district. Reggie felt a twinge of sorrow for her.

But it was nothing compared to what she felt when Axel's name was called.

It was like a wild animal, dormant in her belly for all these years, surged to the surface. She tried to catch her breath, to close her throat, to anything to keep it in. But it would not be stopped. A wail, a keening broke from her. It wasn't possible. Not after Mace. Certainly not after Elon. How am I supposed to handle this? She felt her tears burning her cheeks as she shoved forward before the ceremony had even ended, fighting her way towards the stage against the relieved crowd.

She found Mace inside, hiding his face in his hands. "You coward! You look at me right now. We have to do something. You can't just be the worthless piece of shit mentor you have been the last few years. You can't! No! I don't want to hear it. Mace! I'm right here. Talk to me, please. Say something. Say you're going to help him. Say you'll send him to Julian. Do your damn job!"

REGALIA!

She could feel herself shaking, shaking, her teeth rattling. And his eyes, his dead grey eyes, they showed her what she looked like. Her carefully applied makeup streaked, her hair skewed, her dress looking more rumpled than ruffled. She wiped at the circles under her eyes, sniffed but refused to make more adjustments than that. She'd always believed in feeling deeply, and it had been a very long time she had felt so very far down into herself. She didn't have anything left to say to Mace and so she turned herself around and asked a Peacekeeper where she could find Axel Van de Grif.

The tribute.

Reggie made a show of knocking three times but didn't want for an answer before bursting through the doors. A stronger person, a better person, would have tried to hold it together. But not Reggie. She threw herself at Axel, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her tear-wet cheek to his own. " Hi there," she said, once she found a breath between sobbing hiccups.