Azian Rover, District Nine {Finished}

You are the victim of your own heart

Azian Dutch Rover
District Nine
Fifteen years of age

Appearance:

When I roll out of bed, my first thought is, as always, of you. I still expect to see you in the bed across the room, but you're not there, of course. You'll never be there again, and I have only myself to blame for that. My hair is the same color yours was - a dark brown that seems almost black at times. The ends curl the same way yours did, though my hair, reaching my eyebrows and curling over my ears, is far shorter than yours ever was. Our eyes were the same, too. A green-blue mix, and we always told each other we were looking into the ocean when we looked into each others eyes. We didn't know what the ocean looked like, of course, but it was how we'd always imagined it would be.

We stood at exactly the same height, five feet and five inches, though our weights varied, as you would expect them to. A girl and a boy, even when identical, don't weigh the same. All these things are things I can see without looking in the mirror. I venture across the floor to the full-length mirror Mom and Dad got us when we were seven. We had it for three days before we managed to crack it, the divide slanting across the reflective surface and disappearing behind the frame. It still worked the same, and we used it faithfully every day for many years.

I strip off my shirt and stand with my back facing the mirror. If I turn my neck and look over my shoulder, I can see the scars disrupting the skin of my back. Long, straight lines of raised white skin, a reminder of all I've done. I change into rumpled clothes I pick off the floor, then take another look at myself. My hair is messy, and has gone too long without being washed. I try to smile at myself, just to prove that I still can, but all I see is a grimace, and a row of crooked teeth.

I throw a jacket on, the sleeves long enough to protect the short, thin lines covering my arms. It was an accident, I swear. I never meant to do it. But now that I've started, I can't stop. And we both know the family would not approve.

Personality:

The Rover family sits around an old worn table, their fingers wrapped around hot mugs of chocolate, their voices low. There are six of them here, the seventh and youngest member of the family having already retired to bed. There's a reason why they have this conversation now. They're all worried, and they need to talk this over. They need to figure this out. But that can't talk about the source of their worries when he can hear them. So they sent Azian off to bed early, and a short half hour later, the secret night meeting began.

"He's changed so much," the mother says, her voice breaking. "He used to be such a good boy. Always doing well in school, following the rules...And now..." She stops herself as the tears fall down her cheeks, because the reasons are still too painful.

"After all that's happened, you couldn't have expected him to stay the same, could you?" remarks the eldest brother, Argo. They don't say what's happened out loud. It's still too fresh. All of them are still trying to wrap their heads around it. Nods greet Argo's remark, and he leans back, satisfied that he's right. It's one thing the Rovers all have in common: They like to be right.

The father speaks next. "We should have seen it coming." He, like Azian, is a man of few words. They don't let their thoughts out without thinking first, and when they speak, their voices are low and steady. "He fooled us all. They both did." They're all thinking the same thing, but no one will say it aloud. Azian and Ariel, for all their joviality and laughs and smiles, were nothing but pretenders. They'd always managed to see the difference in the twins before, but now the lines were starting to blur. Ariel had been the leader, and Azian had followed her wherever she went. Ariel had been more free-spirited and out there, more willing to chase after adventure. Azian was the idea-maker, the creator of lost worlds, and Ariel was the one to run into them headlong. Azian had always been the anchor, while Ariel floated off into space.

They'd never had reason to worry before. Ariel would be all right as long as Azian was by her side. And they knew Azian would always be by her side because he'd rarely, if ever, left it. But now...would Azian follow his twin even now? Would that bright young boy, once so full of life, keep following the downward spiral he'd been sent on? Ariel had started acting strange first, and then, after "the incident" with Azian, he'd started acting more like her. Acting less enthusiastic, eating less, spending more time sitting around staring at the walls.

They couldn't help but feel that it was their fault. Each and every one of them held some of the blame, because they hadn't helped him when he needed it. They'd shunned him. They'd let his condition escalate until they'd come to where it was now. They loved him, just as they always had, but they each knew that there would be no hope in convincing him of that. They'd done wrong by him, and he would always hold a grudge. Azian had always been good at staying mad. That was one thing, thankfully, that hadn't changed.

He still pretended. He tried to act like he was alright, that he still felt like a part of the family. But they all knew it was just an act. For their sake, he was trying to act like the same person, while he was dying on the inside.

In the end, they admitted that they'd been wrong. They'd made a mistake. Azian would be broken forever, and they would never fix him. He'd always be a shell, trying his hardest to please people, his truest desires hidden beneath that shell. He wanted Ariel back. They all did. But she was gone forever.

History:

BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT: TWINS BORN TO THE ROVER FAMILY
A boy and a girl were born to the Rover family three days ago. Ariel and Azian are the newest members of an already fairly large family. Their father makes plastic bottles in a factory, and their mother makes soaps from home. The twins bring their number of children up to six. The couple says that they are done having children for now, and want to focus on raising their beautiful children.

July 9th
My name is Ariel and I am five years old. I have a little brother. His name is Aza Aia Azaz Mommy just told me you spell his name A-Z-I-A-N. I have three older brothers. Their names are Argo, Angol, and Axon. I have a sister too, and she'd even older than all of the boys. Her name is Ani. Azian is my best friend in the whole world. He plays with me whenever I want him to, and he always does what I want. Sometimes, he even puts on my dresses when I ask him really nice. But then we laugh so hard that we can't breathe.

May 14th
I started second grade today. Azian is really good at school, even better than I am. Mommy says he's a real sholar skolar scholar. She thinks he's gonna be really smart someday, and will live in a great big giant house. But Azian says he's never going to leave home unless I leave first. He told me he wants to live in the same room as me for our whole lives, and I think that would be fun. Then I would always have a best friend no matter what.

June 10th
Today, me and Azian went to the park. We pretended I was the princess of a magical kingdom called Arie, and he was the prince that saved me from a terrible dragon. But the birdie we were going to use as a dragon flew away before we could catch it. Then I heard a splat kind of sound, and Azian said it pooped on me. Mommy wasn't very happy when I got home, even though I was smiling really big and I even told her I would clean it up myself.

September 30th
Ani has a boyfriend. Mommy thinks she's too young to be dating, because she's only fourteen, but I think it's okay. Her boyfriend is really nice. He always says nice things, and he doesn't make fun of my hair the way Axon sometimes does. Azian likes him too, because he listens when people talk, and he's not afraid to say the wrong thing. We secretly think that they should get married someday.

January 2nd
Azian and I have started playing a game called Dare. Whenever we think of something, we dare the other person to do it. Yesterday, I dared Azian to ask an old lady if she had a mango to spare. He could hardly get the words out because he was laughing so hard. And then he dared me to yell "There's a hungry dog chasing you!" every time someone walked by us. It's a really fun game. We try to get Axon or Angol to play with us, but they never want to.

June 20th
Today, Mommy told Azian and I we could learn how to make soap. She only makes soap once a week, but when she does, it makes the house smell really pretty. We got so hot that our faces turned all red when we made the soap, but Mommy let us pick out what we wanted it to smell like. Azian's smells like apples and autumn, and mine smells like the pretty flowers Ani's boyfriend gives her. We decided we're going to stick them under our pillows and keep them forever, so we never forget today.

March 14th
For my eleventh birthday, Mom and Dad gave me a pretty necklace. It looks like gold, but Dad said it isn't real gold, because that costs too much. It's a little heart-shaped pendant on a golden chain. The chain is way too long, so it hangs down farther than it should. Mom said she could get me a new chain, but I told her I didn't want one. I liked what I had just fine. Azian got a pocket knife that used to belong to our grandpa. We've never met him, because he died only a few days before we were born. Dad says he was a really great guy, and he would have been proud of us, and would have been happy to see such beautiful grandchildren.

May 9th
There's some things that even Azian doesn't understand. I thought we'd always be the same, following each other through life and experiencing the same things. But Azian won't ever know what I feel right now. In all my fourteen years, I never imagined something like this could happen. Ani's new boyfriend, the one that no one likes, came over today. We all know she's just dating him to make Mom and Dad mad. Anyway, Ani wasn't home, and I told him that, but he came inside anyway. Azian and Mom were out shopping. Normally I would have gone with, but they said they were looking for a special surprise for me. I wish they'd been home. I wish anyone had been home. Because then he wouldn't have done what he'd done, and I wouldn't feel like this. Like there's suddenly this huge gap between me and Azian, one that he can never bridge across.

July 14th
Azian keeps bothering me, trying to figure out what's wrong. I won't tell him, but I guess he doesn't understand that. And now, because I'm sad and don't talk to him as much, he's getting sad too. He doesn't understand, doesn't know, but it's still a comfort to be around him. We sit on the couch together, and Azian lets me lay my head in his lap. Sometimes I fall asleep there, and I dream about the way it was before, when our lives were perfect and simple. I want to go back to that so badly, but I know I can't. I hate it. I hate myself so much. I've been crying at night, quietly, so Azian can't hear, and waking up with my face wet, like I was crying while I slept. I'm so tired of feeling useless. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know how much longer I can pretend.

October 18th
Today, I dared Azian to steal an apple from a fruit stand at the market. I think he was surprised, because it's been so long since we've played Dared. But he did it. And that makes what happened net my fault. Azian was caught. A Peacekeeper saw him nab the apple, and he was whipped right then and there. Tears fell from my eyes as the whip bit into his back again and a again, slashing open the fabric and making it sticky with blood. When it was over, I didn't go to him. I ran home and screamed at them to follow me, to come quick. Azian doesn't blame me for what happened. He says he should have been more careful. But I know. I know it was my fault.

December 1st
I can barely look at him anymore. I'm so ashamed of what I've done. The wounds are mostly healed now, but they still hurt him. I can see him sometimes when he has to reach up to get something. I think something happened, some nerves got damaged or something. He should be fine by now, with only scars as a reminder. I hate myself. I've ruined his life. It doesn't help that the whole family is ignoring us now. They say we've brought shame to our good family name, and that we were raised better. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Azian's stronger than me. He always has been. He's always been the one thing that keeps me going. But it's not enough anymore. Nothing's enough.

February 7th
I couldn't pretend anymore.
Love Always, Ariel

YOUNG GIRL COMMITS SUICIDE
Ariel Rover, 15, was found Thursday afternoon in her bedroom. She reportedly told her family she was going to take a nap. Three hours later, her twin brother Azian found her hanging from their ceiling. She is survived by her parents and five siblings. Funeral services will be held on Saturday morning at 10.