deep in the {FROZEN} meadow :: tanaina // gavin

The air was cold, even as I sucked it into the deep depths of my lungs. Each breath came out in front of me in the form of fog. Each breath, a cloud of life in the dead world around it. The atmosphere wasn't the only thing that was freezing, though. My hands, even after being stuffed into the pockets of my dark grey trench coat my fingers were numb. I pulled them into fists, and trudged on. Onward, deeper into the frozen world I trudged. With each foot fall came a serine crunch of the snow and ice beneath my feet. I knew I was getting close to the meadow, and even though I was ready to turn back and disappear into the warmth of my home. I probably would've spent it wrestling with Harley, or joking around with Rory, though, and as much as I loved them, they could get a bit boring at times.

I never knew what was so fascinating about the meadow, especially in the winter time. I guessed that I found it amazing, that something so dead, so broken beyond repair could still be given a chance to be beautiful again. I began ducking through the dark briers and branches, and a voice began to sound. "Who is there?" I froze, dead in my tracks, afraid to move. "Come on," The voice belonged to a female. "Don't be shy." I wasn't sure then if it was the words she'd spoken or the cold that sent a shiver down my spine. The voice seemed to mesh well with the weather. It was sleek and cold, and so angry.

I summon every bit of courage I can find, and force myself to charge out into the open because there was no way a girl was going to scare me away. I stepped out, revealing myself to all who wanted to see me, and then I saw her. The owner of the voice made with ice. She stood proudly, her shoulders square, her back straight. Her chin was raised into the air, and her regal stare was fixed on me. Long locks of brown cascaded around her shoulders and were flecked with snow. Her lips were a deep shade of red that especially stood out against her pale white skin. A prisoner to the ice, she seemed to be. No, not a prisoner. She stood too sternly. She was the queen of the wonderland, and I felt as if I was standing in her kingdom.

I took in a deep lungful of air, and blinked the dryness from my eyes. She stood still, awaiting a reply. Finding it hard to both speak to her and look her in the eye at the same time, I sighed. "Uh, sorry. I, was just.." Just what. This girl might have commanded attention, and even taken the role of being in control, but this was my place. This was where I went to hide from the world. This is where I went to think and clear my head. The trees, the snow, the dirt, it was mine. All mine.

I stand a little straighter, puffing out my chest and squaring my feet. "What are you doing here?" I ask, squinting my eyes with curiosity. I came to the meadow at least twice a week, and never had I ever met another human soul before that day. Well, not one that wasn't invited. I had brought Harley a time or two, and I promised that if I found out he had been taking people down here under my nose I was going to beat him senseless.

I almost instantly felt guilty for trying to blame him for this. Unless he was trying to prove to some girl (My gaze goes back the young woman in front of me) that he was sweet and romantic and all of the other things he tried to pull, he wouldn't have done that. And after a few seconds, I realized that he hadn't even been messing with very many girls. "I want something meaningful ya'know?" He had told me. I just assumed he was going on about one of the many things he told himself he was going to do but never did, but it seemed he was changing his ways after all. I wondered if I was ever going to change, if I was ever going to stop letting myself be used. Like all of my brother's plans to change the world, I told myself it would happen, but everyone knew it wouldn't.