~{{Brotherly Love//Semper}}~

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~{{Brotherly Love//Semper}}~ Jan 2, 2013 23:09:43 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2013 23:09:43 GMT -5

Jr Alexander

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Losing yourself takes seconds, finding yourself again takes forever. It’s just like trust, it takes forever to gain, but can be broken in seconds. It’s like you once you lose yourself you just don’t find yourself again easily. You wander around in the depths of your own mind, trying to figure out who you are, and what you want to do with yourself. And sometimes, I guess you don’t ever really find yourself. Maybe you don’t want to find yourself. You’re just lost…and you don’t know who you are.

Thoughts are a killer, especially when you can’t escape them. Usually I can, you know, by giving myself a job, or finding something to do. But when you’re lying in bed at night, in the utter darkness of it all, you can’t escape. You are a victim to your mind, and you discover you can’t run anymore. You cover your ears as every single thought pounds you, torments you, puts you down. You hit rock bottom and you feel like you can’t get up again. Maybe you can’t. But maybe, just maybe you can.

And I wake up falling

I thrash around in my bed, groping around for anything in the pitch black to stop my fall. I finally find the headboard of my bed, and I cling to it for dear life. I sit up, breathing heavily, and wipe the sweat from my forehead. “Arty? Arty are you there?” I rub my eyes and try to adjust to the darkness, but it doesn’t really work too well. I lay back down and pulled the covers up to my chin, trying to calm my breathing and forget what just happened.

Well sleep obviously wasn’t going to come now, so I got out of bed. Let me rephrase that, I fell out of bed after tripping over something; I don’t know what, it’s dark okay. I look around and walk over to my brother to make sure he is okay, and when I’m sure he’s fine I sneak out of the room. I find my way into the main room as light from the window hits me like a ton of bricks. I rub my eyes and flop down on the floor. I roll over onto my stomach, pressing my face into the ground. I heard the questioning voice of my parents as to asking why I was face down on my floor and naturally my response as a teenage boy was sarcastic.“Because I can.”

Last Edit: Feb 1, 2013 13:09:00 GMT -5 by Deleted

semper
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~{{Brotherly Love//Semper}}~ Jan 16, 2013 10:29:11 GMT -5

Post by semper on Jan 16, 2013 10:29:11 GMT -5

Darkness really is the only time I feel equal with everyone around me. I can’t see anything in the daylight, but at night no one can see anything. I’m finally on the same level as everyone else. Their eyes may be able to adjust to the light of the moon – from what I’ve been told – but they still can’t see as well. I’ve also been told that people fear the night because they can’t see which I find odd; I can’t see during the day or at night, but for some reason I feel more at ease in the night. Maybe it’s because humans aren’t supposed to see in the dark, so people panic when they can’t see their hand in front of their face. It’s all I’ve ever known, not being able to see my own hand; just vague shapes and colors – or what I’ve been told the colors are. That was an odd experience being taught about colors: someone just held an object really close to my face and said red, or green. Odd and a bit rudimentary, I’d say, but it worked to some degree.

I hear shifting and springs creaking in the bed next to mine. My ears zero in on the sounds that I know belong to my brother just across the room. He sounds distraught but I can’t tell for sure. A sudden cluster of creaks and squeaks, quick intakes of air, and then his voice.

”Arty? Arty are you there?” Why wouldn’t I be?

I nod, though I know he can’t see it. ”I’m here, yeah.” I’m not really sure why he would be asking; maybe a nightmare? The springs go quiet and all I can hear is his breathing mixing with the crickets’ songs and croaking frogs outside.

The silence doesn’t last very long – once again the mattress squeaks as JR moves, resembling the sound it makes every time he or I get up in the morning. He starts walking but then a soft thud sounds and a multitude of footsteps on the wood floor with an uneven beat and a heavier sound. I suppose he tripped, but then he continues on, going out into the hall and to wherever his destination is.

I wait for just a few moments before getting up. My hand immediately seeks out the foot of the bed; as I stand up my hand slides along the board, finding the wall. Then from the board to the wall; walk along the wall; hit the corner; turn left; go until you find the door. I keep my fingers running lightly along the wall as I head toward the main room of the house, trying to find my brother. ”JR? Where are you?” I pause at the corner, looking around in the faint light, unable to spot anyone. I know they’re there, though – I heard their voices. It’s just the question I always seem to be asking myself: where?

((In the process of finding him some colors x: ))
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i hear the mountains calling me home

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~{{Brotherly Love//Semper}}~ Feb 1, 2013 13:18:48 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2013 13:18:48 GMT -5

Jr Alexander

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The grumbling of my parents thoroughly annoyed me more than most everything else in this world. I’m not going to lie, I’m a pretty laid back person most of the time, but my parent’s grumbling rubbed me the wrong way ninety-nine percent of the time. I covered my hands with my ears, just like a five year old would do. Oh, I’m sure I totally look like a seventeen year old. The grumbling didn’t completely go away, but at least I couldn’t hear exactly what they were grumbling about. Eventually the muffled noises stopped, and I assumed they had left. I laid there for a few minutes just to make sure. I slowly removed my hands from my ears and raised my head, my eyes coming level with the barren floor. My assumptions were correct.

I wasn’t too worried about Artemis; because I was pretty sure he was just fine. But I always feel just a little worried about him, I mean, him being blind and all. I always feel the need to be close to him and protect him, but I know that’s not always possible. I feel like there is a mutual feeling of dependence between the two of us. I look to him for approval for everything; and I tend to be a pair of eyes for him. It actually works out pretty well believe it or not. Without him, I just feel like everything I do is wrong. I always need someone to tell me I’m doing okay, and he understands that.

I feel like I have these bursts of laziness, hah, that sounds rather ironic but you know. Most of the time I just have all this energy, and I always want a job. I always think I’m doing my job wrong, but that doesn’t make me want a job any less. But at times, I just feel like moving at all consumes all of the energy in my body. This happened to be one of these times. I felt like just laying there was using energy. It’s quite a strange feeling. It took me a lot longer than it should have, but I finally managed to pull myself up to a sitting position.

I sat there for quite a while; the weather was almost perfect. It seemed like the perfect day to just sit back and admire the world. It was great to see beauty in a world that is anything but beautiful. As humans we tend to see the horror in the world. The evil, the brutality of it all so to speak; we never tend to stop and just take a deep breath, look at the world. The just pure blue of the sky, the gentle rustling of the leaves in the trees; it’s all so pure and perfect. It’s such an incorrect statement to say the world has no beauty anymore. It’s not the world that’s an evil place; it’s the people in the world.

I was sad when after sitting there for a while I felt obligated to get up. I also felt a tug at my heart when I had almost leaped up the stairs to get Artemis and show him how pretty the world looked today, but then I remembered, he couldn’t. That made me pretty sad, to think that he would never be able to see it for himself. He would never be able to see the splashes of color in the open fields during the spring, or the pure white blanket that covered those same fields during the winter. How did he manage? I was appalled at the thought, because the beauty of nature was one thing that brought an inestimable amount of joy to my heart. I found myself half way up the steps, frozen in my tracks. I made my way back down; there was no point in waking him up now.

semper
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~{{Brotherly Love//Semper}}~ Feb 9, 2013 22:35:46 GMT -5

Post by semper on Feb 9, 2013 22:35:46 GMT -5

Standing at the corner, I listen. There's the soft creaking of the old house, a few grunts here and there from a sibling, clanking of silverware - all the sounds I'm used to hearing at home. There's nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone is probably still asleep anyway; I can't tell what time of day it is though I judge it to be about the morning since I had just woke up not too long ago. Why isn't everyone else up though? It must be early morning. I don't hear any birds chirping outside so it must be before dawn. I think. I can never know for sure.

I hear creaks that can only come from the stairs and my head turns slightly toward the sound. They're rather heavy steps, much like the what my steps sound like on the staircase. But then the sounds stop, followed by silence for a few moments, then more. I recognize the rhythm as being JR's. Oh, good, he's up. My mouth opens to call out his name but I stop.

I'm always trailing my twin around, always clutching to the fabric of his shirt as he leads me through the district. He says he doesn't mind it but I really doubt it's very pleasant having me basically being a shadow (I'm not entirely sure what that is but he's called me that a few times). I mean, if someone was hanging off my shirt everyday, relying on you to not walk them straight into trouble, would that be annoying? Does he feel obligated to always lead me around? I bite my lip, shrinking away at the thought. He would look hatefully at me all day and I would never know. I trust him with everything and yet I feel like I'm just abusing him. My fingernails scrape lightly at the wood on the corner.

"JR?" My voice is quiet and hoarse; I clear my throat quick, anxiety creeping up in my throat and freezing my words. "JR? Is that you?" I surely hope it is, otherwise I'll feel utterly stupid for talking to just thin air. "Does it... does it annoy you that I can't see? Do you not like me always following you around?"