Flawless (Matt)
Nov 28, 2010 19:18:03 GMT -5
Post by Nofo on Nov 28, 2010 19:18:03 GMT -5
The pain begins in my wrists, and slowly spreads across my body. He pulls a knife from his jeans and puts it to my throat, telling me that if I scream, he’ll kill me and dump my body in the forest. I wouldn’t scream though, I love him too much to do that. I can’t take my eyes off him, the man who has made my life hell for as long as I can remember, and I let him do it. He’s grinning at me, as the sweat pours off of his forehead. He’s spitting out obscenities left and right, all directed to me, about how hideous I am, and how fun it would be to kill me. But he doesn’t, and I don’t get it. Is it because he loves me, somewhere deep down, like how I love him?
Stockholm syndrome, that’s what my therapist calls it, telling me that it’s normal for me to love him, and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But, I am ashamed of it. He raped me, and he got away with it, all because I was too afraid, not of what he would do to my mother and I, but of what would happen to him. Even now, I still love him, as I drop a white rose at his grave.
I feel like standing over my father’s grave, opposed to X’s, makes up for the feelings I have for X. I love my father more than him, I tell myself as I wipe the tears from my eye lashes now. The doctor also told me that it was normal to feel conflicted, and that people usually felt like this, but I don’t feel normal. Look at my leg, my past, and my family, I’m anything but normal. Why tell me lies just to make me feel better? It doesn’t, I just wish people would stop trying to kiss it better, only time will heal the wounds left behind by the two men in my life, Xavier and Father.
I get off my knees, straighten out my yellow sundress, and wipe my red eyes. As I pull away the handkerchief, it wipes off black. Great, I think, I’ll have to go all the way home, making myself even later for school. My mom’s probably up, so I’ll have to explain why I’m not in school, and why I ruined my mascara. Fun!
Actually, I won’t have to worry about that, because just as I walk out of the gate, a couple of Peacekeepers spot me. They’ve seen me before, on my way home from the cemetery after school; they’ve never seen me here before school. It’s not like it’s a common thing, but sometimes, when I’m having a bad time, I’ll come here whenever I think of it. What set me off this time was the boy who tried to get in my pants so hard last night, he tried to pay me. Oh, what a common dog, that’s even what I called him in front of his friends. I’ll have to call him out today, after the Peacekeepers drag me to school, when I’m obviously going to go without force.
A peacekeeper grabs onto my wrist, asks me why I’m not at school, and I politely tell him that I was going as we speak, I try to pull my hands from him but he pulls them to his chest, standing where he is. Oh, now he’s playing games. He can’t be more than 25, and I might actually find him attractive, if he wasn’t such a pig. He smiles, releases his grip on my wrist, after a few moments, and leaves me to go on my way.
When I get into the school, I realize I completely missed first period, as students are pouring into the main hallway. I walk into the main office for a note, and ask them to send a note to my teacher, and I walk to second period.
It’s a substitute, one I don’t know, but she seems friendly. She looks at me, as if her’ a bit confused of what to say. I smile and wave her way as I sit in a desk in the 3rd row, next to a boy with Blonde hair I only know as a boy in my year. I smile, and I pull out my pocket mirror to redo my messy makeup.
Wow, it’s worse than I thought, and I already knew it looked bad. No wonder the teacher was lost for words. I wipe off the mascara, and quickly redo it before anyone else can notice it. I nod to the teacher, and await the lesson. She doesn’t mean to wait, because she quickly tells us about some big science project that’s worth a good portion of our grade, whatever. We’re working in partners, and we get to choose or something. I doze out for the rest, because I don’t care about choosing a partner, there’s always fights about it, so we always have to be assigned partners.
When I come back to planet earth, the substitute is announcing my partner.
“Edana Lightwood?” She says, looking for me in the crowd. I raise my hand, and she announces my partner. “Ms. Lightwood, you will be working with Orville Mentz.”
Who? I look around for the boy, trying to match a face with the weird name.