Twins [CC, closed]

Nila Doherty contemplated the state of her life as she walked aimlessly down the streets of District Four. She was miserable, her career had just been shot, and her dad had been ignoring her for a while now. This was probably the worst she had ever felt in her entire life, which included the time when she had been hit by a whip. The scar on her back was still quite visible on back. The cast her arm was in at the moment, however, could be seen by every single person she walked past. It made her seethe with resentment when she spied curious bystanders gawking at her arm.

She still wasn't able to get over her impaired arm. Mostly what it symbolized. It was a embodiment of her failure. In one fell swoop, the goal she had worked towards her entire life had been shattered.

The overcast day seemed to mirror her mood. Crestfallen. Dejected. Oppressed. Nila was also resentful that this had to happen to her, of all people. It seemed as if she had changed completely, but the world around her had stayed the same, so that she no longer knew where she stood. She had lost her place.

That was the reason for Nila's extreme irritation. That and the fact that she felt all of those foreign emotions. Ones she had suffered through only on a few other occasions in her life. Her glorious life, which had been perfect. It had been absolutely, goddamned perfect.

Nila tried to ignore all that she was feeling inside. After this week was over, she would be allowed to start training again. She could work her lower body, running around ten miles in the morning, and then modify some of her abdominal exercises so that she wouldn't further harm her arm. Perhaps she would be able to work on her left arm.

Nila knew that the week she was missing would weaken her for another few weeks. Her right arm would be incompetent for until perhaps five months before the next Games. In those five months, Nila would have to train around the clock to prove her dedication. That spot was hers. No one would take was rightfully belonged to her. No one.

Nila was starving. She had only eaten a little this morning. Of course, Nila, of all people, understood the importance of starting her metabolism in the morning. She simply didn't want to eat too much on her rather unfortunate break. She still needed to eat a little lunch, even though it was drawing near three o'clock.

She was loathe to even touch food at this point. She didn't really want to do much of anything, today. Except train. But that was out of the question. She wasn't allowed to do that. She had to settling on walking around all day, to make the most of her alloted time. There was no use wasting it.

The only problem with walking was that you had too much time to think. To reflect. To feel the hunger that grew steadily in the pit of your stomach until it cramped and ached until you couldn't take it anymore.

Nila wandered into a slightly old, but still nicely furnished cafe. It was a decent place for her to grab a small bite, and it was warmer in the shop than on the cobblestone streets anyways. Even if the cold contributed to her sob-fest, there was only so much of it that was reasonable. Nila knew that it could be dangerous to get too cold. Plus, it could rain soon, and that was something that she wasn't able to deal with.

She ordered a salad, with a wide variety of vegetables. In small proportions, of course. She had plenty of money to pay for her food, but couldn't bring herself to eat much anyways, despite her unyielding cravings. Nila didn't want to compromise her position as the best in the District; she certainly wasn't going to ruin that by eating trashy foods. Besides, she had eaten extremely healthy foods with a focus on boosting energy since she was young.

Nila watched the servers, looking for the one who would deliver her order to her. Her eyes wandered around the room, always seeming to come back to the kitchen doors. She was quite hungry, after all. She followed one waiter with her eyes, sizing him up. He would probably survive until day two or three of the Games. Solid build, but also slightly clumsy. He lacked enough grace to go unnoticed. He almost tripped when he gave one blond boy his order.

Wait a second!

There he was. His forearms were crossed defiantly over her chest, his muscles defined. His strong chin, so unlike her own. The slightly full lips, which actually were reminiscent of herself. His blond hair swooped down over his angry green eyes, which expressed his deep hatred of all that existed. Which were staring straight at her.

Dammit. Her twin brother was here.

Oh no. Oh, god no. Not Gavin. Anyone but him. She really couldn't deal with his smirks and sarcastic attitude. Not to mention the fact that when he saw her arm, he would be gloating and mocking her, acting like he was actually, in some inconceivable way, more important than her. Oh, she couldn't stand his superior tone at times, especially when it was so obvious that she was the special one. She deserved the attention. She had been working long days and nights since she was three years old for the Games!

And her arm. God, how embarrassing. Nila couldn't deal with this. She just knew it. But she was Nila Doherty, and she didn't back down from anything. It was in her nature to face everything head-on. With a calculated and pointed determination. She wasn't going to fail this time, confronting. She had to win.

Win what? she pondered. What did she have to win this time? Nila always had her eye on the prize. But what was the prize this time? Possibly confronting her brother. On some of the rare occasions her brother actually decided to talk to her, he would accuse her of murdering their mother. For some reason, Nila always became oddly quiet on these occasions, taking her brother's abuse. It was out of character for her. Nila liked biting wit and sarcastic humor. She wasn't the type of person who would back down from a fight, unless it was the wiser choice.

But was it the right choice to back down from her brother? To let him continue to blame her? He was obviously delirious, out of his mind. Perhaps it was right of her to let him continue to be delusional. Nila didn't know what to do. Sometimes when she talked to her brother she had a suspicious sense that something was missing between them. If asked, she wouldn't be able to tell you what. It was just a little irritating notion she had.

The thing was, Nila loved the times when she fought with her brother. It gave her a type of high, winning. And Nila always felt a sense of accomplishment when she was near her brother. She was superior to him, which clearly was the reason why she felt that rush of adrenaline. But it was also the fact that Nila felt so in-control of the situation when she fought with her brother. She was able to remain calm and rational, most of the time, while Gavin's thoughts were clouded by anger. She always felt so pleased with herself, knowing she could elicit such feelings from someone. Anger, fear, frustration. She knew it was sadistic, but Nila almost thought that was required of her, being a Career training for the Games.

Wasn't it? Nila had never killed anyone (no matter what her brother would say), but she felt as if she readily could. And that didn't bother her. She wanted to win. And winning sometimes called for extreme measures. For example, killing. Having one goal was such a powerful thing. It put everything into perspective. If you wanted something bad enough, you had to be willing to go the extra mile.

And Nila was willing. She would do anything to be in the Games.

Sometimes Nila wondered if she would kill if it wasn't necessary. For the fun of it. Was she that sadistic? She didn't think so. What was the point? It accomplished nothing. All you felt was the sense of being a murderer for no reason, and really, what was the use of it? There was none. No use, that is. There was no logical reason to kill someone for sport.

She also wondered, sometimes, if the Games was a sport, and if she wanted to be a murderer for no reason. She quickly brushed those thoughts away. After all, useless thoughts were a waste of time. Right?

Even though she was able to think about killing someone without feeling a twinge of horror, Nila still couldn't stand up to her brother when he claimed she had killed their mother. She often found herself wondering why in Panem that was. She could never come up with an answer. Every time her thoughts wandered down that road, she swore to fight back next time, and to say something awful to her brother.

But what, though? What would hit him hard and deep? What would be the worst possible thing that she could say to him, the thing that would cut to his soul and tear it to shreds? Nila thought she might know.

But she had to wait. Wait, and then strike. This was, after all, a deadly game.

So, in response to Gavin's aloof remarks, Nila simply stated, with a small grin on her face, “You must be devastated, Gavin. After all, your only sister is injured, and she will be weak for months to come. I can feel your pain. I hope the fact that I will be fully healed four months before the Games comforts you. After all, I know how much you would hate to see me lose my dream.”