Depression
Sept 29, 2010 21:53:32 GMT -5
Post by Spesh on Sept 29, 2010 21:53:32 GMT -5
As I sit in my room I come to wonder; how in the world could all of this happen to a 16 year old boy! The struggle of my dads death, providing for my family since I could even pass as a worker I have done so. My life is a living hell, and the only thing I have going for me is the fact that I am not one of the two unlucky people who were reaped not even a month ago. What a poor person I am.
"Eeron! Snap out of it! You have a family to provide for, you have people you care for who need you!" I say out loud to myself
The purpose that there is to life is so far gone to me, I have nothing to live for. Sure I am loved by everyone at school, but it is almost as if it would be better if they shipped me off to the capital for the games next year. That is how I could die without having to kill myself. I could just go all out at the bloodbath and if I somehow came out on top I would be lucky.
"Your not going to be in The Hunger Games! The odds of that are never in your favor!" I say with a harsh voice.
I hate having to put on a smile everyday! I hate how everyone has to think I am happy! Why can't I be strong enough to show my weakness to others? I have always been a nice person at heart, that is why everyone loves me, but maybe that is why I cant love myself. The fact that I cannot be a cold hearted person kills me. I will never do well in the world of Panem, after all, there is only one way to become rich, and that way involves twenty three to one odds of winning, plus all of the other odd possibilities.
Am I better off just living my life of happiness on the outside? One will never know, the only thing I can help is maybe stepping up to take a place. But I would have to wait a whole year! That is so long! Anything could happen by then!
I might as well live out my life... What am I thinking. Life is like a mystery, you never know what could happen next. And it could be for the better, or it could be for the much, much worse.
"Eeron, you have to stop thinking in such a way! You are living a great childhood! You have to make the most out of it..." I say out loud to myself again trying to change the thoughts in my mind.
These thoughts cannot stay in my mind anymore, I have things to do, I have a life to live, I need to not just pretend I am happy, I need to actually be it. And of course, tomorrow, I will struggle through another day of school and the wonderful, just totally joyful, Hunger Games!
"Eeron! Snap out of it! You have a family to provide for, you have people you care for who need you!" I say out loud to myself
The purpose that there is to life is so far gone to me, I have nothing to live for. Sure I am loved by everyone at school, but it is almost as if it would be better if they shipped me off to the capital for the games next year. That is how I could die without having to kill myself. I could just go all out at the bloodbath and if I somehow came out on top I would be lucky.
"Your not going to be in The Hunger Games! The odds of that are never in your favor!" I say with a harsh voice.
I hate having to put on a smile everyday! I hate how everyone has to think I am happy! Why can't I be strong enough to show my weakness to others? I have always been a nice person at heart, that is why everyone loves me, but maybe that is why I cant love myself. The fact that I cannot be a cold hearted person kills me. I will never do well in the world of Panem, after all, there is only one way to become rich, and that way involves twenty three to one odds of winning, plus all of the other odd possibilities.
Am I better off just living my life of happiness on the outside? One will never know, the only thing I can help is maybe stepping up to take a place. But I would have to wait a whole year! That is so long! Anything could happen by then!
I might as well live out my life... What am I thinking. Life is like a mystery, you never know what could happen next. And it could be for the better, or it could be for the much, much worse.
"Eeron, you have to stop thinking in such a way! You are living a great childhood! You have to make the most out of it..." I say out loud to myself again trying to change the thoughts in my mind.
These thoughts cannot stay in my mind anymore, I have things to do, I have a life to live, I need to not just pretend I am happy, I need to actually be it. And of course, tomorrow, I will struggle through another day of school and the wonderful, just totally joyful, Hunger Games!
