Aerial Taneel | District 8 (Finished)

Aerial Taneel | District 8 (Finished) Jul 2, 2012 14:41:37 GMT -5

Post by Sheep on Jul 2, 2012 14:41:37 GMT -5

My Journal
'Finally I have turned eight. Already I feel like a teenager. Chris gave this to me. It's so like him wanting me to learn to express myself. He is a strange older brother. But then again where could I be without him? He's always home at time ready to embrace me with love and hugs. Sometimes he does better than my parents. My mom has been trying to not meet eyes with me ever since Eve died. She blamed me for telling Eve about a hidden garden from one of the fairy-tale books. And so she had left in the dead of the night. The workers found her body torn up in the gears. Sometimes my mom yells at me and I never understand why.
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'My dad was even worse than my mom. He loved Eve so much and when we were children he would take her side even when she was lying. His eyes shone we he saw her and stayed dull seeing me. Chris was my father. I decided that when I was little and every once and awhile I call him that. It feels like my father hated me even until his death. It was right on my ninth birthday when he had a heart attack. I was angry at him for ruining my birthday. And I wanted him to die another day. I didn't love him because he never showed me passion. I was just a stupid middle child to him. I was held back twice and Eve excelled and had even gotten ahead of me. I hated him. And then it felt like everyone else started hating me too. My left ear started hurting badly. My mom told me off saying it was just a headache and it would go away.
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'Chris stopped visiting me after he got married. He was the only one who could understand me and how I hated working at the factories. And one day I woke up not being able to hear from my left ear. It turns out a fungus had grown in there or something like that. I tuned the doctor out and it annoyed me that I couldn't hear people whispering. My mom later told me my hearing wasn't coming back in my left ear. It didn't really bother me that much until I got to school. All of the students started to taunt me about it day after day. They'd purposefully whisper near me to annoy me. I started to skip school and instead head straight towards the factories.
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'For a year I didn't see Chris. The only time I did see him was when it turned out he committed suicide. Before that my mom had been worried since his wife had died giving birth to the baby. Then Chris started to send us letters about his pain and sorrow. So my mom took the baby in. Now she barely even looked at me. For she had a baby that replaced me.
- - -
'I stopped talking to my mom. She eventually throw me into the streets and I hate her. Because she told me I wasn't really her own child. Another man had raped her and that caused me. I had always thought I was different with my bouncy red curls compared to my family's straight brown hair. I often heard my mom saying I was the special daughter when I was younger and she still loved me. She and the rest of my family had dull blue eyes while I had lively dancing green eyes. Then I was always skinny and tall, nothing seemed to really put any meat on my bones. After that I started to hate the man who had created me. I was never supposed to exist. I was always stupid and careless. I never could have her great laugh. The way she always had a smile but now she frowned a lot. I liked that. That meant she hated me and that's what I wanted. I wanted her to hate me. Because I was never supposed to be hers and if she loved me I would hate her even more. Now we were both enemies. And that was actually fine with me.
- -
'I stole. I lied. I deceived. My pale skin turned dark from the dust and smog from the air around me. I always found food for myself despite the odds for my survival. It had been five years since she throw me out like I was her trash. From gossip I heard she had given the baby to a cousin to look after. Typical mother. Not loving those who were different. I knew the best places for the freshest air possible. I even had a metal leg to prove I was ruthless. After my mother had thrown me out I sought to kill myself. The same why like Eve. Though I was much more lucky. I lost part of my left leg including my foot. She wouldn't pay for the hospital bills since she had removed me from our family. So I decided to take a new last name which was my brother's middle name; 'Taneel'.
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'One day I found out my mom was dying. She over-worked in the factories causing herself to get intoxicated from the fumes. I went to visit her. To make her feel sorry for how she treated me like trash. But when I saw her everything bad flew out the window. The doctors said she had been calling my name. I almost jumped into her arms feeling wanted again by her. She said she felt awful and wished she could do anything to take back everything. And that she worked at the factories more often hoping to take a glance of my red curls, my freckles, and how my dimples shown whenever I smiled. She then wanted to give me Chris's baby to take care of since her cousins in the north were running tight on money. I promised her my life on protecting the baby. And then she left forever. That night I dreamed of watching her run off towards Chris, Daddy, and Eve to join them in the endless fields. Filled with sunshine we never really saw. The air was pure and there was grass and butterflies everywhere.
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'Her will gave everything to me except for a few things for our neighbors that she was close to. And for mother I gave the baby her name. Now though it seemed the baby was now a toddler, onto four years old. The only thing that scared me now was being picked. And being in the hunger games. But I convinced myself otherwise. My name was only in there ten times compared to a bunch of other children and I knew I wouldn't be picked. I had Angel to look after. And I promised myself I would be the best mother ever. Always smiling and laughing and feeling her with compassion.
- -
'To my journal, and probably the first time I have written directly to you. This is my last page in here. The other pages filled with both happy and sad memories. I want to keep writing but I know the only option would be to make another one. I hope Chris is watching me now and knows he is always in my heart. He bound every page in here with stolen string from the factories despite the whippings he would get just for me. I hope I'm buried with this journal so I can always remember. And never forget.
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Sincerely.
Aerial Taneel.

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