Lily Tanners - District 2 - FINISHED

Appearance ---
Yeah, so you may think that it is easy to describe such a messed up person but it truly isn't. I see myself as that drug addict holding a beer every night, hoping, just hoping that I get high enough that a few hours later when I am battered, bruised, bloodied, and -most likely- raped that I can't feel it. I am not sure whether or not my dad pictures me laying on the floor or my mom but I sure as hell do know that my blood and vomit is all over. I swear to God that if I don't get out of this forsaken place within a few years I am gunna die. So, yeah, when you are fighting for your life, or at least dealing with life, you don't really have time to worry about your looks.

My eyes are usually bloodshot, but I think underneath the bruises and redness that they are a blue-green. Most times they are swollen shut so I don't really notice ... And its not like my dad would care to compliment them when in his drunken stupors he decides to hit my or slide his hands where I would rather not be touched. I think my brother may have said something about them one time, but it was probably about how similar they looked to Lethe's, the Victor form 5. I hate him for saying such things but I guess that is supposed to be my name now; Lethe Turner. It was odd that the Capitolite's would let him change my name in such a state, but they did. So I suppose that is in their records. But she ain't me, I ain't her - Never want to be. I am Lily Tanners, don't care what my family says or what the Capitolite's say.

My hair ... I wish so badly that I could cut it all off so that my dad wouldn't be bale to pull me anywhere but instead it flows endlessly down my back, blonde and wavy. Unbrushed, but not greasy. I'm not a friggin pig ... Sometimes when my dad isn't around, or at least is passed out on the couch I like to color it. Dye it. Sometimes brown, sometimes something insane like fluorescent pink. I remember a time when I tried to dye it and he caught me in the act. He threw me to the floor instantly and asked me why the hell I would dare to change myself. 'Don't want little brother crying now did we?' Little prick should try to get over it shouldn't he? If he wants his own personal Victor sister he should get the hell away from here cause that ain't ever gunna be me, no matter how hard they try to make me like her. Someday I hope I can wake up and my hair will magically change from a pale blonde to a red or brown just to please me.

I am thin, naturally, but of course never getting food also helps with that. Most people think that when someone lives in a Career District that you are well-fed and get everything you ever wanted. Sure, my house is certainly nice - shower, toilet, custom furniture, huge TV ... But they aren't mine, they are my brother's. I touch it, I'm rolling on the floor again in agony, bruised cheek surely already showing. Daddy's boy gets whatever he wants when he wants, but me? Nah. Just gotta humor him with my charm and good looks every night so dad will throw me a plate of food. Damn, if I weren't so short I might be able to tower over him and force him to the ground crying in pain. Maybe I would force him to be Mace Emberstatt for his perfect little son. But no, I'm like 5'5"; weak, underfed, fragile, and broken.

My teeth are straight, my lips are small and a pale color, my hands are small as well as my feet. For eighteen I look like a freaking 12-year-old. Maybe if I was able to present myself as a horny prostitute I could find a way out of the hell hole I live in, but I can't manage that. I really don't think I could ever be pretty, no matter ho much my little brother tells me I am. Although he doesn't see me, so I am not sure I can count that at all ... So I guess that if I had to explain to you what I looked like, I would have to tell you I look like Lethe Turner, no matter how much I hate to say it.

Personality ---
One word. Bitch. Yeah, I am a complete bitch. I have no friends, except maybe my brother, but again ... I don't think that counts. No one, and I really do mean no one, seems to get along with me. When I was younger, it seemed that most kids stayed away from me because I was with my brother. Everyone at school shied away from him. Whether it was because they thought he was way to weird or because they knew if they came close to him I told them to get away, I am not sure. Either way. they stayed away from me. Now I don't really see anyone unless I am out grocery shopping or taking a walk with my brother. Both of those things seem to be rarities though. And when people do see me, they try so hard to ignore my black eyes and bruised cheeks. But their eyes still wander enough that I can tell they are looking and that they notice. But I can tolerate it. They don't understand my life and honestly I don't understand the hell hole I live in either. So I don't blame them for staring. Sometimes I stare at myself too.

I remember when I was a somewhat logical person. My parents were so proud of me. I would move up a grade in school and then have to move up again because the other one was just too easy and the teachers were just all so impressed by my abilities. I would feel so left out at school though. There was no one there quite like me. It was hard to interact with the others sometimes, at least until Nick was born. A lot of learning experience there. I really hate holding myself back, some days I can feel my smarts working to burst out. But lately, it just hasn't been there. And I am smart enough to know why, but I can't handle not drinking. How else am I supposed to avoid my dad? Let's face it, no matter much he hits me his fists will always hurt. Drinking helps. And I'm not in school anymore so why should having a brain matter?

I love to read. I may not be as literate as I used to be but I still love to read. It is one of those things I told myself tough girls don't do, but I couldn't let it go. My brother likes it when I read to him too, so it is easy for me to escape into my own little world when I read to him. Sometimes I will have to stop and explain something to him, but I don't mind much. I only hate it when he asks me to stop reading and instead tell him a story about the Arena. I know I shouldn't get mad cause it sure ain't his fault that he thinks I am Lethe, but I swear it makes me want to go and find a gun and shoot him. A better, more rational approach might be to kill my dad, but I have issues with which way I direct my rage. Obviously it should all be at my dad, but instead it flies everywhere. My brother, my mother, my neighbor who plays music too loud, the dog that won't stop barking, Lethe Turner, the Capitol, President Snow ... Most days, the list grows and grows and won't stop. But what happens? Nothing. I do nothing. I wish I weren't such a push-over.

I wish I were a happier person, but what can I do? I guarantee that if one of those high-heeled bitches in the magazines took my life they would look just as shitty as I did. I hate myself for feeling so depressed, so low that I drink myself to sleep most nights, but I can't help it. I want to blame the world for all my problems, and again, I know that is wrong. I can only blame myself for my problems. And if someone has problems they should fix it, solve the issue. But I never do. Ever. Why? I don't know. Maybe cause I am not strong enough. Maybe cause a girl who cries in corners for no reason every other hour thinks she can't handle herself on her own. Maybe she thinks that her dad and her brother are her lifelines, no matter how cruel they seem. Tears drown you. And when you are busy trying not to drown, you don't really have time to save yourself from what is at the shore.

History ---
One summer day, a baby girl was born. Parents: Nicholas Tanners & Priscana Andrews Weight: 7lbs. 7oz. Height: 21" Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Blonde Name: Lily Amber Tanners

The miracle of life is always something special to a young couple and this little girl certainly was that. They loved her to death, took tons of pictures to keep all the lasting memories forever and ever. This little girl sure lived a privileged life. Always had a home, always got what she wanted and more. Her parents did not deprive her of anything through her growing stages. Clothes, food, shower, affection, everything a young child needed. And they soon figured out that their child was exceptional. She was one of the smartest children in her class at school. She moved up a grade so that the work would at least begin to challenge her mind. The teachers around District 2 were very impressed by her ability to learn, exclaiming that she certainly had a bright future ahead of her. And she did. In the 4th grade she could do what a 6th or 7th grader was meant to be doing. Everyone knew that her smarts would get her as far as she wanted to go, even away from Panem, maybe to the stars.

Naturally, the parents who had conceived such a great gift thought it'd be a good idea to have another child. This time, it was a baby boy. Parents: Nicholas Tanners & Priscana Andrews Weight: 4lbs 8oz. Height: 13" Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Blonde Name: Nicholas Oliver Tanners

Sadly, this child was not so successful, even from the beginning. Born premature and placed on oxygen tubes and feeding tubes, this little boy had a life ahead. Sure technology is able to save him and help him grow, but the brain is still an unknown world for doctors and besides, only the Capitol's doctors can help mess with the brain. And none of those doctors come out to District 2 ... They boy grew and developed a lot better than all the doctors said he would. He was even more of a miracle child than their daughter, living through prematurity. Although the boy had some trouble with walking in his early years, he developed well. Growing tall and even strong. But he was nothing like his older sister. He was, you could say ... Slow. His mind couldn't handle what his sister's mind could and he was held back a grade to catch up. And then again he was held back ... And again. Teachers soon suggested that he be placed in a special schooling system, but his parents were too proud to admit that their son was slow and had some disadvantages. They couldn't admit to themselves that their second child was retarded.

Lily didn't care. She loved her brother. In her mind, no matter how slow he was, he was amazing. She young when he was born, and she looked at his wrinkly skin and couldn't help but fall completely in love with her little brother. He meant everything to her. Whenever kids at school would make fun of him she would defend him. She found her place in life. It was to be his savior, his angel from heaven. And she vowed then that she would never let anything happen to him. Nothing should ever hurt him, ever. His frailness was something that no one could ever touch while she was alive.

Although the little girl could tolerate his slowness and obvious problems, his mother just could not. One morning she got up extra early and left. Up and gone instantly. Nicholas was devastated, thrown into drinking himself to sleep, depressed and completely useless. He loved Nicholas Jr. It was his son, how couldn't he be amazing? His on was his and shared his name for heaven's sake. The father of the two children couldn't admit that his son couldn't always recognize him. He wouldn't admit to himself that his son had to be reminded who he was talking to before he could comprehend. He was in denial of the fact that his son sometimes thought that he was someone else. He couldn't accept that what the doctors kept telling him was true. His son had a rare brain disorder. He couldn't immediately recognize faces. Sure after you told him, he knew, and even saw the facial features, but before you told him, he was clueless. His sister was the only one who seemed to know and accept this. And that little girl couldn't care less. As long as she reminded her brother who she was, he remembered.

The Hunger Games were something that District 2 valued. And it was the same way for the Tanners family. Now that their mother had left them behind for almost 3 years, they still valued them as a sort of family bonding time. When Lily was 16, the 58th Hunger Games came around. And as soon as the Reapings were broadcast, Nicholas started becoming obsessed. Not with the games, but with a certain tribute in the games. "Look, look, Lily! She looks just like you!"That's when things turned for the worse.

Her brother had a crazy obsession with Lethe Turner. Like insane. He started to imagine or see things differently. He started to remember faces, and his sister was so pleased, his father elated, telling everyone at work about how his son was okay again, had never had any problems in his head. Was perfect. But everyday would change. Some days his sister would catch him singing, romance. He would exclaim that was for Lethe. He would start screaming at the television and go into frantic rampages when someone tried to hurt her, and he would swear his vengeance on them or hunt them down and kill them himself. Some days he would cry and cry and cry when he thought Lethe might die. When Lethe won, his sister figured it was over now, he would obsess over some other tribute in the 59th, but no. All he ever talked about was Lethe, Lethe, Miss Turner, Lethe. Then one day, he told everyone that she was coming to meet him at his house. He imagined it all up, he exclaimed that Lethe was there with him all day, that he had showed her around and that she had loved him and everything. His sister tried to explain to him that she wasn't there, she never was, but he would only become angered and throw a tantrum for hours.

Her father grew tired of his rages, going back to drinking as a way out of it. One day, when Lily went to awake her brother, she found herself attacked and cuddled and hugged.

"I knew you would come back, I knew it! I told everyone that you were here but no one believed me. You have to tell them, you just have to!
"Nick, what are you doing? I have been her all night bud, I never left. Tell who what?"
"You've been here all night? Did we sleep together?"
"No, I slept in my room. You know, across the hall?"
"You already have your own room? Did my dad invite you in?"
"Nick, I have lived here forever. My dad and your dad are the same person ..."
"No ... your dad is Mr.Turner! Your jokes are funny ..."
"Nick, it's me ... Your sister? ... Lily?"
"No you aren't ..."
"Yes! I'm not Lethe. Lethe isn't here, she never was or ever will be."
"No, no, no, NO! Where is Lethe!? Where is she?! Give her back! Give her BACK!"
"Come on, Nick. Stop it! I don't have her, I didn't take her, now come on!"
"Nooooo!!"

Now, Lily's father is a smart man. He could only take so much screaming, so much annoyance. So one day, he proposed that Lily pretend to be Lethe, just to humor Nick a little. So, she did, and it seemed to work. But eventually, Lily had had enough. She hadn't been to school in months because her father ordered that she stayed home to pleases her brother all day with a big lie. Lily wanted out. She almost did. Almost. But that day she tried to go back to school was also the day she entered pure hell. She was almost out the door, her brother crying behind her, insisting that she was Lethe, when she was pulled back inside. Her screams were worthless, but they left her mouth anyway. Her dad had had too much to drink, but he was still doing it. His fists continued to hit her, continued to beat her face in, all while Nick sat, locked in his bedroom, crying.

"Girl, you do as I say and get your stupid ass back into that room and tell my son your real name."
"Lily Tanners."
"Don't be a smart ass!! Unless you feel like you want another fist, you best get in there and tell him the right name."
"Lily Tanners. Come on dad, let go ..."
"Idiot child! Here, read this. Your name, right there, changed yesterday. Read it! What does it say?"
"Lil - Lethe Turner. Dad, please ..."
"Who are you?"
"Dad, my hair -"
"Who are you!!!??"
"Lethe! I'm Lethe Turner! Dad, please!"
"Good ... Now get along and play nice."

After two years without education, I feel stupid. After two years of drinking, I feel slow. After two years of pretending, I find it hard to remember who I am. I know who I am supposed to be, but that isn't who my father wants, or my brother either. I hate myself for not getting out while I could. My mother had to have been the strongest person on Earth to have got up and left. I used to hate her for it, but now I realize that she was amazing and I loved her. Loved her more than anything. I love Nick too, no matter how much I want to cry when he doesn't recognize me for me. My face isn't necessary to his survival. Doesn't matter how many times I defended him when we were younger, or how many times I played with him or rocked him to sleep with a lullaby after mom left. All he needs is Lethe. So, I stick to my promise. I won't ever let something harm him as long as I am alive. Even if that means keeping him away from me, Lily Tanners.