Xana Quate {D6} FINISHED

I have a family, but I don't really call them that, well except for my brother, to me they are acquantinces. Family, I don't really understand what it is menat to mean or, if you are part of one, what are you expected to do? My family always shunned me for my brother afterall he had all the talent and ended up going to the Capitol... I guess I did agree with them my brother has always been nice and fair to me. He loves me and I love him, even if my parents favour him, he is still kind and big hearted. No matter what they say and do I will always to them be a shadow. Sometimes All the time I wonder why I was ever born. I believe that they had me for another purpose, to help them in the shop or maybe even for me to be the low life that I am in the family and make my brother shine like the star that he is. I don't know the reason why, but all I do know is that I was created for a reason other then love and caring.

I use to have a cat... she was the most smartest cat in the world. But then she disappeared... I thought i saw her once in my parents room cut open, but I didn't think it was her for a second, I didn't take that second glance, but I knew that if i had of I would have seen her, because the truth was it was her my little Sage. She was murdered for my parents benefits, they wanted to study the insides of my only friend... They killed the only thing apart from my brother that I let myself get close to. I trusted that cat... I use to trust my parents, but trust is a double sided stick or something... No wait or was that sword, I'll be fucked if I remember. Anywho, they destroyed my trust and when they stabbed it and stomped on it, they then went ahead and light it on fire. I really talk to them now and when I do it is formal and stiff, not free and casual like it should be. My parents destroyed something inside me that I only had with Sage. I guess it died with her.

Sometimes I get nightmares, and no matter how many times the same scene of Sage's eyes staring blankly at me, as if she couldn't believe what had happened to her, I always wake up crying. I always wake up sobbing and wishing that I had different parents and a different life. I guess that is why I started taking drugs, it seperated my mind from my thoughts and my emotions. The sleeping with the guys was all part of it. My brother would always frown and bit his lip as if he was going to say something about what I did... but he never did. I think that is one of the reasons why I still do it. I want to disappoint him and make him upset with me. I feel like deep down I am pushing everyone away from me. I know I am doing it, but no matter how many times I tell myself to stop I remember everything that my parents have done to me, My brothers disappointed expression flashes before my eyes and then I take another puff of the cigarette, or I jab that needle harder into my arm. I'm killing myself and I no longer care. At least one day I will be with Sage again.