~Henley Forreaux, D7~

\\ h e n l e y || f o r r e a u x //

I am beautiful. Perfect, even. There's not a flaw to be found anywhere on me. I am unique. In my dreams, I am happy, always-- and nothing can change steal that from me. ink it's because I dream of you most nights. If only dreams did come true.

Reality. Reality is what breaks me. Reality draws me in to focus on what I wish I didn't have to see-- simplicity.

Lies. They're all lies. There is nothing, absolutely nothing beautiful about being simple. Nobody ever falls in love with a simple girl, do they? No. There's nothing special about my dull, flat brown hair, no matter how long it may be, even if it's at my middle back. Nothing's special about having normal, boring, brown eyes. Nobody has any appreciation for "simplicity". I just blend in. My nose is small, petite, but is it special? Of course not. Eyelashes? They're brittle and light and hardly noticeable.My Lips? Thin and pale. I even have a few light freckles across my plain nose and pale cheeks. Ugly.
Not even my height assists with making me unique; I'm just another average-sized girl girl with a bunch of average features. My breasts surely don't help with this situation either, they're tiny -- almost nonexistent. My legs are somewhat long, but that doesn't make a difference. At least I'm slim; that's all I'll give myself credit for. It's partly because I refuse to eat some days. Once I went 3 days without a single bite of food.

I've heard some people call me depressed, but I'm not really sure. People don't really talk to me much. It's like I'm invisible. A lot of things have changed since you left us, Mom, but I wish they hadn't. I know it's not your fault you had to go, but it changed me. People don't understand what it's like. To have your mother whisked away from your reach. So I stopped talking. To everyone, even Dad most days. Other students at school teased me. Nobody understood. I felt under-loved. So I didn't eat for a while.
I know, Mom. I probably sound suicidal. But Perci keeps me happy, I'm not entirely dark, I promise. I'm smart, but it's not like people really care about intelligence. Perci says that I remind her of you in some ways, but I'm not sure if that's good or bad. After all, I'm awkward and clumsy. And boring, in my own opinion. But you probably weren't.

I want to go back to the way things were before. I can feel it, Mom. There's still something deep inside me, begging to be free: happiness. It just won't come out. I do have a sense of humor, but only Perci knows of it. She's my best friend, Mom. I really am trying to go back to "normal" as Dad calls it. I think being happier would help me stand out a bit more. So I'm trying, to make you proud. That's all I want.

So much. It's been 2 years since I lost you. 2 long, absolutely dreadful years. i still can't wrap my mind completely around the fact that you're gone, forever. Those damn Peacekeepers! But don't worry, Mom, I still believe you did nothing wrong. They had no right to whip you. District 7 just isn't the same without you. Would you believe it if I told you that I'm 16 now? And Perci's nearly 19; her birthday's in a week.
I want to thank you now though, Mom, for everything you did for me when you were alive. Thank you for all those times you never once left my side, even when you saw your awful second husband, Clyde hit me. I know you loved him. But I need to tell you now that he had hit me more that just that single time. it started when you first married him. i'm sorry you hadn't known.
I feel like I owe you Mom. I don't know exactly why, I mean, we didn't always get along in my earlier years. It felt like you didnt care sometimes. Remember when we used to go for days at a time without speaking to each other? Perci was the only one who has stuck by me, through thick and thin, for my entire life. But I still love you, and my love will never cease. I'm sorry that we couldn't have started off better, but i'm glad that we got to really bond before you left. I hope I make you proud.