Dmitri Darkbane 7 FIN

Hi! So, the way that this is written doesn't really give us a lot of information about him, I think. I mean, obviously the appearance stuff is still accurate, but other things -- more subjective aspects of his character, like his personality, and even events in his past -- can't really be trusted because we're viewing this from another perspective. I think, if you're going to write this app this way (and believe me, other people have done apps like this before), you're going to have to add a bit more information so we can get a clear, solid view of his character. Also, you might want to tone down or explain the romance part of this, because to me it sounds like it was kind of instant love at first sight -- which, if his reputation is true, shouldn't be possible with the fact that many people are afraid of him. Is your narrator simply looking back at this time and reflecting?

Also, in some areas I had difficulty understanding your information, because words were (probably) left out and there were some punctuation problems. Please carefully read back through your writing once you're done, and post here to bump up the thread!