Kirk Magpie | District Five

N A M E | Kirk Magpie
A G E | Sixteen
G E N D E R | Male Female
D I S T R I C T / A R E A | District Five
S E X U A L I T Y | Asexual


B I O G R A P H Y |

People still ask me what I am. The only thing I can do is stare at them accusingly and spit one thing to them: "I'm a human being." That causes them to sigh because it obviously wasn't the answer their shallow, single-minded self was looking for. I know what they're looking for. They're looking for me saying how I'm really a girl trapped in a boy's body. They want be to confess how hard it is in these circumstances.

I would if I could.

But I already try so hard to fit in, to be normal and it pains me everyday thinking about what life would be like if I could just be me. Admittedly, in some points of my life, I'm a lying stack of cigarette smoke bottling it all up, but then someone somehow pokes a hole in me and it all comes bursting out. Slowly, and then all at once. And at times like that, I just want to scream or rip someone's head off but I don't do either of those. I go in the backyard and have a smoke or two.

Now you're probably wondering how smoking helps. Well, to be honest, it doesn't. But, the addiction I've had for it for a couple of years now is never dying, only wanting more. The only way to keep the fire going is to give it some fuel, and I suppose the fire keeps me warm. Smoking gives me a relief even cross-dressing doesn't give me. It helps me feel replenished and alive, even though every time I burn up my life crumbles down.

Our home is averagely occupied by eight people. Mom and my siblings. Dad is rarely present which must have added onto my personality "problem" today. Savoy was birthed along with me, and I feel bad for him. He's a twin to the weird kid, so he must be weird, too, right? I just feel like I'm a tethered to him and I try so hard to cut the chain that links us, for better or worse.

As aforementioned a plethora of times, I'm a girl in a boy's body. This might be God's way of punishing me, but I'm not sure for what. I'll never be certain of why I had to suffer this fate while an abundance of people walk passed me everyday who are fine. They don't have to suffer. They don't have to hide their true selves sometimes. I try to be normal, because being different sucks. A boy in a dress. I don't even know who I'm allowed to love, and who in Ripred's name would even love me back.

My eyes, dark and round, hold secrets in even the darkest shadows. And my thin body with bones poking at my skin is baby soft, making me feel more innocent than I really am. My clothing options are obviously controversial. Because... boys aren't supposed to where dresses, right? Well, good thing I only look like a boy, penis and all. It was just never fair to me girls could paint their nails and wear jewelry while guys were forced to not care about their appearance.

There are times when I embrace my outwardly gender. Wearing close-to-the-norm clothes. Changing my habits from feminine to masculine. Ironically masking who I truly am, although the make-up from my face is washed away. But, then again, there are other times where I don't give two shits.

I may seem like a bitch, but that's only because I am a bitch. A good portion of my family's problems tied to my shoulders.

I've always been a bit loud and overzealous. Obsessing over the new crazes and problems in my life. Minuscule moments of drama like rumors and heartbreaks revolving around my dearest friends were always fun to me. It was a break from my real life. The best part is that I was never involved in major drama, just stares from other kids my age, probably wondering what's wrong with me and me knowing there isn't anything wrong with me.

Not that I'll ever admit to this, but sometimes I want to kill myself. No one would honestly miss me. My mom's still distracted by her sisters' sudden and mysterious absence that she'll never notice me missing. Maybe Savoy would. After all, we came into this world together. Doesn't mean we'll leave together. People would never even imagine what goes in on my head. The way people see me on the outside, even when I have make-up and a dress on, is way too positive for their own good. Surely they know people this happy only exist in fairytales.

odair

Callikrates Schiele
An Adventurous Duo