{Oh, Where did the Party Go?//Semper}

Red’s claws click against the creaky wood floor. Click click, click click, click click click. Each time she sets a paw down I hear the familiar rhythm and I try to discern where it is that she’s heading. It doesn’t sound like the clicks are getting louder or softer by a measurable degree so she’s probably just wandering around the living room, snooping for scraps and treats or something to play with. There’s a pause in her rhythm and it’s quiet for a moment – then I hear the soft scrape of her tongue against the floor. Ah, a scrap. A little smile tugs at my mouth and then Red’s off again, but this time I hear the muffled thuds of her joints hitting the ground as she lies down.

”Red?” I’m sure to stay quiet and listen, calling out her name once again until I hear her tail whomping against the ground. I lower myself down onto my hands and knees, continuing to call out her name so she’ll keep wagging her tail. I make sure to always keep a hand stretched out in front of me so that I can find her and soon my fingers come in contact with her soft fur. The smile broadens on my face and Red shifts underneath my touch, her tail continuing to thump. I start to pet her, feeling the large ridge of her ribcage, the point of her elbow, the bone in her chest, and then the rope around her neck that served as a makeshift collar. My hand rubs back down to her belly, her sweet spot, and she takes pleasure in it, letting me know by twitching her hind leg against my arm like she was trying to scratch. A chuckle escapes me and I scratch her belly more vigorously, causing her leg to scratch faster and faster. Then slower, slower, then faster and faster. It amuses me and I laugh, but the sound of something slamming into either the wall or the door kills the laughter immediately. My hand stops and I feel Red scramble, her claws scraping against the floor. I stay motionless, lifting my hand slightly and feeling her fur rub against my skin as she scrambles to get up and trots away to where the sound came from.

This is the most terrifying thing about being blind. People have such a great advantage over me that it’s very scary when things like this happen, even if it’s just a mistake. I hold my breath, listening, straining my ears to catch any sound of this person or stranger outside the house. Neither of my parents is home and all my siblings are out and about, leaving just me and Red. I hear a low growl come from her and she pads to a different area, claws clicking on the floor, and quickly her growls turn into a shrill and eager whine. Ease and relief begin to chase away my fear when I recognize the friendly pitches of her whine. The door knob turns and Red lets out a playful bark; the frequency of her clicks tells me she’s prancing in place and I sit up, waiting to hear a voice and determine who is home.

I hear my name being yelled out and I recognize the voice to be JR’s. My smile broadens and I wait to hear his footsteps, which come right after he says my name and requests that I remind him about his own key. I turn my head in the general direction of his voice – which, now that I think about it, sounds rather worried. But concerned for what? The smile flat-lines and I tilt my head, trying to sort out the possibilities. I haven’t done anything or been anywhere all day, so perhaps it is something to do with him?

His footsteps get closer and I hear Red’s claws clicking on the floor again as she more than likely is following him around, begging to be petted. I feel the boards beneath me star to tremble as the duo get closer, then a pat on my back and I can smell JR’s particular scent right next to my face. It’s not a bad scent, oh no, definitely not. It’s just his own, you know? Like how Red tells who is who and where we’ve been. I know it’s JR beside me and I also catch a whiff of Red’s earthy, musky scent.

”Of course I’m alright, I haven’t done anything today.” The smile returns to my face but I don’t bother to look up and to try to find the hazy image of my twin. I know he’s there and that’s all I need. ”Yeah, actually, I’ll come along.” I set my hands on the ground and slowly – but steadily – get up, being sure to not knock anything over. Out of pure habit (and maybe a bit more than that) I reach out and grab onto JR’s sleeve, ready to follow him up the stairs.

Just like we always do, I hold onto his sleeve and he helps me up the stairs, slowly but surely. I lightly drag the tip of my foot up the side of the stair step to get a picture of where it was located before I set my foot down; my free hand trails along the wall to keep myself balanced until we reach the top. All of my actions now are purely out of habit in order for me to be spatially aware of what is around me and not trip over anything, which could end devastatingly for me.

More often than not I feel awful for JR. He never asked to be stuck with me, guiding me around and making sure I don’t run into things. My twin has his own life to live so he shouldn’t be stuck by my side like this. The only problem is that I can’t take care of myself and that leaves me at the mercy of everyone around me. Being home alone is hard enough when I try to make simple trips up and down the stairs (there was one time I fell down the stairs and really hurt myself and had to wait until someone got home) and even with Red so close by I find it very difficult. She allows me to hold onto her tail throughout the house, but there’s no way she could help me with other things. I can’t cook, I can’t clean, I can’t help anyone unless it’s just to hold my finger on something.

While I don’t like my brother having to attach himself at the hip to me, I can’t ever express to him enough how much I appreciate what he does. I don’t have any friends because I cannot venture out into the town. My siblings usually just avoid me because I’m a lump on a log, but JR actually takes the time to help me. He’s always so kind and doesn’t think any less of me since I can’t see anything. He spends his time with me, he makes sure I’m not lost and alone in this world of nothingness, he puts a smile on my face like no one else can. I don’t think he realizes how much I love him for what he does.

I hear the clicking of Red’s claws on the floorboards so I suspect she’s following us as he leads me to my bed. If there’s anything in this household I know everything exact about it then it’s my bed. I let go of JR and crawl up onto it, circling around until I find the sheets. I know it’s not evening yet (JR always comes home early so I judge time by his arrival) but I could really use a nap. My legs tuck under and I draw the quilt up to my neck, nuzzling my face into the pillow.

Normally, before going to sleep, I like to talk to my brother. Nothing in particular, just ask how his day’s been and what happened. However, today it just seems so expected. What’s the use of small talk if it’s the same question every single time? I’m sure he’s gotten sick and tired of me and the same words. I reach my hand out to make sure I was not facing the wall. (Of course I’m not – I’m lying on my left side, which means the wall is to my back.) My fingers find nothing but air on the edge so I withdraw it.

”Hey JR?” I ask quietly at first, listening for any sound that would alert me to his location. Red’s claws still click on the floorboards so I assume that’s where JR is. ”What do you look like?”