Sully Andreson [D12][WIP]

SULLY ANDRESON

My Uncle says that I'm a handful. I suppose that's better than what my parents used to call me. Devil child. Hell spawn. I suppose that ever since I've moved in with him I've been trying to prove that I ain't a kid any more. He knows that I'm not a child. I know that he does, but still I feel like everyone treats me like one. I tell myself that it's sympathy, but I don't want sympathy anymore. Stubborn. I suppose that's one word for it. I always have to prove myself to them, even if I've been through enough already.

It's hard to shake off the watchful gaze of your Godfather. Uncle Isaac is the father I never had, which can be good at times, but darn annoying at others. He's older though, and tired too. I'm reckless and headstrong, hard to keep up with. Is that a sin? He'd tell me to be back home at eight, but he's far more lenient than my folks were. Nowadays I barely even listen to his rules, he usually lets me do what I want. He's not all bad. He's the only person I can talk to. The only person I can call friend. Sometimes he's annoying, he's in my way or tries to understand what's going on in my head. He'll never understand. On those days he's just an old man to me.

I haven't changed much physically since moving in with my Uncle, apart from toughening up somewhat. These sort of moments in your life change you. I was vulnerable and unable to defend myself. I've spent countless hours defining myself, learning how to fight, how to stop something like this ever happening again. I can remember when I was just a child. I had the same dark hair and black eyes. I was a loud kid, always bossing other kids around at school. My mothers said I had the devil in me, and that Ripred would wash me clean. Ripred. That was where it all began.

As I grew taller and had more stature, my parents began to tell me that I was a fine young lady. My father said I was acceptable. Maybe that was because I matured well, or maybe it was that their damn religion sucked all the freedom from my life and turned me into an empty shell. I went to church a lot, not of my own free will. I always had my eyes closed. "Always prayin', is our Sullivan." Mother used to tell others. She was always dumb, I was praying for a way out of this family. I was praying for freedom. Sometimes I didn't even pray at all. I got no answers, so instead I would just imagine myself someplace else. Is that a sin?

I got bored of imagining and actually started going places behind my parents backs. Beneath the black dress and neatly combed hair was a girl who fooled around with farm boys in the dead of night. A girl who drank whiskey and tried all sorts of stuff. Morphine, Tobacco. Is that a sin? None of it dulled the monotony of my life, as it was already dull to start with. I got caught eventually. I always knew I would, in the end. The Book of Ripred says that an abundance of a good thing can never be maintained. How right it was.

I was heading back to my place in the dead of night when a stupid Miner saw me. A family friend. He told my father and my father beat me horribly. His fists were like rocks. I was bruised for weeks after. He would beat me black and blue for my sins. He said that I had brought down everything that the church had taught me. Is that a sin? He said that he was the justice I deserved. I wasn't allowed out their sights after that. My pa' didn't speak to me much, and I couldn't bare to make eye contact with him neither. Mother made me pray more, which I hated. I would often weep instead of pray. I was pretty pathetic back then. Is that a sin?

My Uncle offered to take me away for a few months, saying that farm work would discipline me. 'Course my father hated that idea. He said there was no way he would put me near boys my age. Funny, seeing as I was actually pregnant. Is that a sin? Soon as it started to show and my folks realized what had happened... What I had done.... Boy did they go crazy. For a moment it was good. It was like revenge on them. Yes, I had sinned with a boy. It was like their system had failed. It was satisfying. That was until my father decided to beat the baby out of me.

By the time my Uncle arrived it was too late. No way the baby could have survived when I had two broken ribs and an abdomen bruised black and blue. There's a damn good reason I don't like anyone in this world. People knew what was going on for weeks, and no one stopped my parents. No one said anything. They weren't afraid, they just didn't care. The Book of Ripred says that compassion is the base of all human emotion, but that's bullshit. I've never seen an ounce of compassion in all my life. Only pain. Is that a sin?

So now Sullivan Andreson isn't so feeble. I toughened up so that if my father ever comes round and lays a finger on me... I'll beat him like he used to beat me. Ain't no one ever gonna hurt me again. Not after what happened. If Ripred is powerless and unwilling to save the innocent...

Then why call him God?