::Lana::Lazaro::D5::DONE::

Main[8f434a]
Thoughts[7E4B36]
Speech[c1cf9d]
Others speech[DEA780]

You sit on a window sill. Your long legs curled beneath you, your head leaning against the windows frame. Every night, for as long as you can remember, you have done the same thing. You have sat in this exact position, your eyes scanning the world that lays behind the walls on your fortress, of your home. For as long as you can remember you have thought about the same thing each time, each time you sit by the windows, staring out beyond the safety of your home. For as long as you remember you have been trapped. Trapped by the thoughts the prowl through your mind, trapped by the feelings of hate, the feeling of anger, the feeling of betrayal. And it is because of all those feeling, those nasty dark feelings, you are the person you are today.

* * *

“Lana, your hair is beautiful. So lushes. So healthy.” The voice of your younger sister pulls you out of your thoughts. Her gentle fingers run gentle over the strands, untangling the stray hairs that insist on being a pain. You enjoy the feel of her fingers running through your hair, it reminded you of your mother, and the way she used to sit by your bed at night, running a gentle hand through your hair, murmuring soothing words, words that set your mind at ease. You loved your mother, you loved her so much, and it broke your heart whenever your mind wandered over the things she used to do with you. It tears your heart in two when you remember the way her eyes used to dance, or the way her mouth used to always been pulled up at the corners. It practically broke you when you remember the woman that you had loved, loved with all your heart.

But she wasn’t the same, not any more. She was different. The way she looked at you was not the same. There was no love in her gaze. But that was not the worst part, the worst part was that there was no recognition. She didn’t recognise you. Her own daughter. A fresh wave of distress fall over your body as you remember how blank your mothers gaze is these days, all ways full of questions.

“Lana? Are you listening to me?” The gentle voice of your sister pulls your mind out of your sullen thoughts and back onto the presence. Her fingers are still running through the dark strands of your long hair, but they weren’t as gentle as before, it is obvious that she is annoyed. “Lana?”

“Sorry, yes I’m listening, I’m listening.” your voice is soft, almost musical as the words escape from behind your lips, sliding though the air. You try to press the sad, dark thoughts to the back of your mind, tuning your focus to the girl who cradles your head in her lap. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

A small smile forms of the girls lips when she realises that she has your full attention. But after a moment her smile dies, her face creasing in seriousness. “I was saying that I have been noticing things. Things about mum. She is not the same anymore, Lana, I know it sounds stupid, that I sound like I am insane by saying this, but I know, I know there is something different. The way she mumbles under her breath, or the way she is constantly looking behind her…. it is not normal.” Her voice was shaking by the time she reached the end, and when you looked up you see the beginning of tears form in her eyes and your heart began to tear in two. You loved your sister, you loved her will all your heart and it killed you to see her like this, to see her so conflicted.

“You are not crazy. I have been noticing, uh, weird things too.” You say, hauling yourself off her lap so that you sat facing her, your ark eyes meeting her pale blue ones. You tug the edges of your lips back, forcing a smile to appear on your thin lips. “She’s going to be okay, you know? She is going to be just fine.” The lie forms easily on your lips. You hated people who lied, people who lied only to benefit themselves. You hated the way they used lies to get out of trouble, the way a small chirp of their mouth and they would be all fine. But in saying this, that would make you a hypocrite. You lied all the time, well you didn’t like to think of it as lying, more like twisting the truth a little… a lot sometimes.

Hope flares in your sister’s eyes, and you pull her into you, her head resting on your shoulder. “She is going to be just fine.” You murmur into her hair, your hand cupping the back of her head comfortingly.

* * *

The paddock spread out in front of you was only one of the few places left untouched by pollution. Your forehead is pressed against the cool glass of the window, your arms moving to encircle your longlegs. You stare out, your mind whirling, whizzing with so many thoughts, thoughts that make you feel cold. Thoughts that send shivers through your body, climbing through your limbs. You remember that talk, that talk with your sister. Once again, just like it did yesterday, your heart breaks. Tearing its self in two. Closing your eyes tightly the peaceful image of the fields are closed off, and you see your sisters eyes. You see the tears that swim in them. You feel her fingers running through your hair. Finally, you feel nothing, your body left feeling empty, void of anything. The same thing happens each day. Each day I see her, I see her tears. I feel her hands gliding through my hair. Each day I go through it again.

* * *

Your fingers are ache, little bits of wood poking into them painfully. “Father, do I have to do this? Father please, it hurts.” A voice slide through the air, it sounds a lot like you, but there is something about, something that sounded different. Youth. Youth was still visible in your voice. Your eyes pull away from your splintered hands and come to a halt on the man who stood beside you. He dropped to his knees, placing a warm hand on your shoulder.

“I know it is hard, I know it hurts, but you have to, you have to do this, you never know when you will need to do this. You just never know. You have to protect them, you know. You have to. Protect them with your life. You are the only one I trust, the only one I trust with their lives. Protect them.” His voice filled your ears. His words puzzled you, what does he mean protect them? they are just fine, at home, by the fire on the rug, you had thought. They were safe. You knew that you would do anything to protect them, anything, but you didn’t need to, they were safe. What was he saying? What was your father saying? “Promise me, promise me you will protect them, protect them with your life, don’t lose them, don’t let them fall apart. Lana, promise me.” His voice began to rise in desperation, his hand digging into your shoulder.

“I will, I will, I-I-I promise, father I promise.” Your voice shakes as the words tumble out of your mouth. You feel something warm surge through you as your fathers face relaxes. He pulls you into his arms, his body warm against yours.

“Thanks you, thank you. Now, you must make this fire, you must learn, to learn is to protect. Fire. You must build this fire.” Hauling himself to his feet again he stalks off, leaving you alone, as he goes to fetch more wood. Still confused you turn your gaze back the your task. You would learn. You would, to show to your father that you could protect them. Determination filled your dark gaze. You had always been known for your determination. You were the type of person who would not give up, not give up until you had achieved your goal. And right now, your goal was to light this fire.

Arranging the wood how father had taught you, you gaze at your work. Yes perfect. This was perfect. Satisfied with the wood you reach for the flint, your fingers closing around the cool metal. You knew how to use it, your father had drilled the procedure into you, over and over and over again. Confidently you strike the two pieces together. A spark form. You try again.. Anther spark. You try once more. A little ball of heat begins to form, growing into a small flame lighting the wood in minutes. A smile forms on your lips. You did it. You light the fire. You were ready to protect your family.

You wait quietly. Wait for the sound of your father, wait for his cheering, his yells of pleasure. But none come. You were alone. Truly alone. He’ll come. He always comes back By the time you realise he is not coming back the sun had already dipped behind the horizon, leaving you sitting in darkness.Protect them. Protect them with your life. was this what he had meant? A silent tears rolls down your cheek as you clamber to your feet. You take one more glance behind you before you disappear into the night, heading towards home.

* * *

You lived on the outskirts of the district, that was why you home was pure, not touched by the hand of destruction. But was that true? Was your home pure? You try to pull away to from the thoughts of your father. Every night. Every night I had to relive, relive the loss of my father. Every time. Every time my body is thrown into the grief, into the loss of one of my beloved family. Your body is now pressed against the window, your legs leaning against the cool glass, your arms, your torso, pressed to the window. You lean against the window, trying to seek comfort from it, from anything. But nothing comes. You are left feeling empty. Left with a mix of emotions playing through your body.

You were many things. A liar. Determined. Fun. Broken. Lost. But above all, above all these little things there was one thing that dominated you.

You were loyal.