Alexander Infante D1 FINISHED <3

Dear Mother,

I really don’t remember all the good times I had with you. All I remember are your deep blue sparkling eyes that are so much like mine. I remember at night time before you went to sleep you would come into my room and plant a kiss on my forehead and I can still feel my long thick black eye lashes fluttering against your chin as you did. It was those times and moments that I will saver and cherish, those great moments I have of you locked away in my memory. It was really hard for me to let you go but you will always be in my heart and I will love you always. But mum I will promise I will keep singing as you always loved to listen to my voice. You described it that an angels voice and you found my voice mesmerizing. I loved sitting down with you and you would help me write my lyrics when I was ten. We would laugh at the ridiculous ones and then we would sing together. Our voices joined in harmony and perfect pitch. No one and I mean no one will ever destroy those perfect memories I have of you.

I know my father always disapproves but I have become a person who loves to spend time by themselves. A person who would rather bunker up in their room then goes out to parties. But let me tell you this mum, I’m not a shy person. For some reason when I’m in crowds I shine, everyone wants my attention and I am just a star that shines the brightest. I don’t mind the attention but I still occasionally like it. I don’t know why but ever since you left I’ve become more depressed and sober but I let it out in my lyrics. It allows mean to release those emotionally tough times and let it out for the world to listen to. I may not smile a lot but when I do it’s a beautiful smile. I remember that you use to say that I had a cheeky smile but it was to die for. I’m still a reserved person but when it comes to performing I would let all those closed doors and walls comes tumbling down and I would burst out of that shell and pour my heart out. That was who I am now.

But mum I’m still scared for my little brother. You knew me well enough to know that I hate the games but I couldn’t dissuade him from becoming a career. I’ve pleaded with him and sometimes I wish you were here with trying to get him to realize how wrong it was to train and kill other people, that we were just pawns in the capitols games. We are trapped like animals in a caged, waiting to be chucked into the arena and waiting for my death to come. I can’t handle my brother doing something like that but he’s grown up to be someone complete different. Maybe if he had grown up with your help and guidance he would understand how wrong it is but no all he has is his father who encourages him. I remember so many nights that I would run a frustrated hand through my thick brown hair and I could feel the burn of tears in the back of my eyes. I try and do everything I can to stop him from that fate because I’m just a kind person but no he still doesn’t listen to any of my advice I give him.

Do you remember the times you and dad use to walk me down the streets and I would have one of each your hands in either of mine? Then I would let my legs become jelly and you will swing me along the sidewalks. I loved those times and I remembered all the jealous looks kids would throw my way. I knew you spoiled me when I was a kid. I was well behaved and loved you with all my heart. I still love to wear my fancy clothes and we were happy and content with our lives. We weren’t the richest people alive but we could manage to afford to live and have some nice things that made people jealous. I don’t mean to make others jealous and I hate to show off but I guess that’s just how you raised me to be and what to wear.

The only time I hated when I was with were when you would pinch my cheeks but after all they weren’t that bad. I remember looking into the mirror one time after you did it and I had pink splotchy cheeks on my boyish round face. It was the only thing I disliked about you. I don’t despise you for leaving as it wasn’t your choice but I wish you could have stayed to watch me grown into the kind, young gentle man I am now. It hurts me that I won’t be able to ever see you again and look at you with skin so white like mine and very little freckles. You don’t understand how much I miss you and I feel depressed all the time lately because you were my best friend and someone I could confine in. I know you’re in my heart but sometimes I need and want more which I know is selfish.

I remember the time you left I was heartbroken and balling my eyes out. That was only when I was ten and my brother was three. One day you promised you would never leave me but you broke that promise. When you left I remember when I sat next to your grave and told that I forgave you for you breaking you promise and I said I loved you and you would always been in my heart. No one will ever take your place inside my heart and I love you so much, Mum. When you died I remember sitting beside you as the day became dark and the dark became light. Dad tried to take me home but all I did was scream and kick telling him you needed me and to let go. He eventually let go and I crawled back across the dead grass to your side and huddled up into a ball and leaned against the headstone. I felt the tears rolling down my cheek and I remembered the terrible sobs rack my body that whole night. That is one memory I have that is so clear and vivid I feel like I relive it every time it comes to mind.

If has been hard without you, harder than I expected and well dad is not much help with that. I seem to cry a lot at night and my brother doesn’t seem to remember you at all, well he was only three. My depressed moods are like cloud storms that hang over me and only drain away until I poor that into a song. Dad has been disappointed in me lately because I refuse to become a career and I am completely against violence but he wouldn’t understand. At times like this I wish you were here and could tell father that I don’t want to be a career and it goes against every that I believe in, my morale’s. These are rough times and I like being the kid who doesn’t hang out with anyone.

Mum I promise I would write a letter to you and read it out so that wherever you are you could hear it and see how such a good boy I’ve been. It will never be the same without you and well nothing in the world can banish the strong mother and son relationship we have. So here I am beside your grave, thinking of all the good things I can tell you and how I have grown up to be a selfless, kind and caring boy. One that followed in your footsteps and loves to be by himself. I hope you aren’t disappointed in what I’ve become and you a really proud of me of how I follow my morales and aren’t pressured into anything I don’t want.

always,
Alexander your loving son.