Feel the Tide Turning {Axel}

Riley Everfield
Test words here.

The next week and a half were like a blur to me, I had found it in my heart to let Asthon in, little by little. He was healing my broken heart slowly, and I liked it that way. It was like I was learning something new every day, I would let him hold my hand or put his arm around me as we walked together. At first it was awkward and I was stiff as his arm wrapped around me, I felt the strange urge to throw his arm off of me and run away. It was like it was second nature to want to run, and forcing myself to stay where I was until my heart rate fell back to normal took all my willpower. Eventually though I came to long for the feel of his hand holding mine, or his arm draped over my shoulder. It was like that first real kiss we had, the one that marked the beginning of my change, I longed for his lips as much as he must long for mine.

I had to control myself though, I couldn't let myself get carried away like I had that night. It scared me how easily he had wiped my mind clean of all other thoughts accept for him. I had wanted him so bad in that moment it was hard to tell what I was or wasn't capable of. Since that moment I had tried to hard to not to put myself into the path of temptation like that. He would try and kiss me but I would put my fingers up to his lips and wave him off, the pained look on his face every time I did was enough to tear the little pieces of my heart that were healing. I wanted to give him what he wanted, but we needed to do it on my terms...at my own pace. If only I could tell him that it was causing me as much pain as it was to him, but I couldn't...not yet. For now I would just give him a smile trying to let him know that I felt bad or that I would make it up to him, but by the look on his face it was clear that whatever message he was getting from my smile it wasn't that.

We continued on like that though, we would carry on like normal couples would, but I would allow nothing beyond that, no kissing and certainly nothing intimate, despite the fact that I sleep with him every night now. He forced me to eat, telling me "it's for my own good" and that I need to gain some weight. I knew I was thin, terribly thin, it was fear that kept me from eating before, in a way I was already contemplating suicide as an option without really knowing it. Now though, I couldn't bear to leave this world behind, or rather, leave Ashton behind. Every day I woke up promising myself and anyone who may be listening that I would to better, that no matter how hard it got I would never try to throw away my life again. At first the words sounded hollow when I would whisper to them to myself, but as I grew to welcome Ashton into my heart I also felt the words have a meaning to them.

So this morning had commenced as usual, we had both come out of the room and eaten breakfast, or Ashton had, I was picking through the food with my fork. After he had finished her retreated back to our room telling me that I would need to control myself because he was going to be naked for half a minute. Oddly enough I felt a little thrill and a shiver run down my spine when he said it, and part of me said to follow him and try and peak in on him. As soon as he had rounded the corner I felt a blush rise to my cheeks and I wanted to kick myself for being so stupid. In letting Ashton into my heart I had also opened the door to all the feelings I once had for another boy that I used love. All the desires and feelings I once had were all for Ashton, and I couldn't decide whether to feel guilt over it or not. He still believed me to be cold and unwanting of his affection, when in truth I desired it more than anything, and I was trying to keep from hurting him.

Walking around the counter I looked at my plate wondering if I could get away with throwing my breakfast out the window. Right when I was about to pick up the place and dump it's contents out the window I heard the sound of heavy footsteps walking back towards the kitchen. I began to panic wondering if I had done something to upset Ashton, that maybe he was sick of playing games with me and was going to finally do what I feared he would the whole time. Squeezing my eyes shut I waited for the inevitable, but it never came, instead his hand came down on my shoulder and spun me around. A second later our lips were connected together again, his hands around to my back pushing me into him. Our hips collided and I let out a soft gasp, giving his tongue entrance into my mouth, and once more I felt myself losing control of myself.

I wrapped my arms around him again and slid my hands under his shirt, I groaned softly as I pressed harder into the kiss, and I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, held up only by his strong arms around me. I could feel myself losing it, I couldn't do this much longer before I completely lost control. I nipped at his tongue with my teeth and giggle as his hands shifted to my butt to support my weight, as light as I may be. Then as quickly as it started I broke away from him and ran to the table on the other side of the counter gasping for breath."Ashton, please...please don't do that again...I can't control myself when you do that...I can't."I feel a blush rising to my cheeks again as I stare at his lips, my mind telling me to go kiss him again, and quickly I turn away from him. I can't let him see me like this, now he knows what affect he has on me and how to trigger it.

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Riley Everfield
Test words here.

I don't know what made me even think for a minute that he would stop and consider what I was saying. He had caught me off guard when he spun me around and kissed me, and it took little to no time for me to lose myself in his arms. He had loved it, I was finally giving him what he wanted from me, but it had come at a price. I was afraid of myself, afraid of what I could do, it was like there were two sides to me now. On one side I was calm and collected, as long as his lips never touched mine or I didn't linger on his lips I was perfectly calm cool and collected. Then there was the side of me that longed for Ashton to do just what he had done, and I lost myself in the desires that I tried to hard to bury away in my heart. So in reality I shouldn't have been surprised when he made attempts to continue where we had left off.

His hand fell onto my hip, perfectly fitting over it as if I had been made for him, and with his other hand he brushed my hair off my shoulder. I could feel a blush burning my cheeks as I tried to retain my composure, but I knew what he wanted to do, I knew that he was going to try and kiss my again. Gently his head came to rest on my shoulder and I felt a small shudder run down my spine as I heard his soft voice in my ear. He claimed to know what I could and couldn't handle, but he had no idea...I had never told him what I could and couldn't handle. All of my emotions seemed to have a greater impact on me than most others and my love...was no better...once my affections were obtained...I longed for more. I tried to turn away from him, I didn't want him to see the blush on my cheeks or the longing in my eyes, it would do nothing but feed his own wants.

As it turned out I had no other option, putting his hands on my hips he made me face him again and he pressed his lips into mine again. It scared me how quickly I was losing control to him, how easily he could take my walls down...how he seemed to WANT to knock me off balance. His lips left mine and moved to my neck, traveling along my bear shoulder to my ear where he whispered to me that I shouldn't try and control myself. So naturally...I let myself go...I let all of my walls down and my instincts took over, and I pressed my lips harder into his excitedly. My hands slipped under his shirt again to run up and down his back, and when he tilted my head up I opened my eyes to look into his. Those beautiful eyes that always held so much love for me, that never grew angry with me, that were sad when he almost lost me...and I decided...that I loved him also...with all my heart.

I lunged into him, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist again, and I kissed him with such longing I felt like my heart would melt. My tongue met his slowly and traced around it as I moaned quietly into his mouth, and to soon his lips left mine only to kiss my neck, jawline, ears, and anywhere that was exposed for his lips to reach. I looked up at the ceiling and groaned in happiness and pleasure at the feeling of his lips against my skin. As if that wasn't enough for him he took a few steps forward until my back was pressed up against the wall behind me, and the instant my back touched the wall I set to work...not bothering to control myself...just like Ashton had told me to. To distract him from my real purpose I pressed my lips harder into his nipping lightly at his lower lip, but my small hands were working to take off his shirt. Despite his best attempts I managed to wrestle it off of him and run my hands along his bear chest and stomach, and I let out a small gasp before moving my hands up to his neck.

Suddenly I felt him break away from me and take hold of my hands, while his free hand unwound my legs from his waist. He settled me down on the floor and I immediately curled up, drawing my legs up to my chest, and started sobbing. I had wanted him, I was giving him what he wanted...and yet still it wasn't enough for him...what more could he want? On top of that I had never felt more exposed than I did now, I had shown him a side of me that I was afraid to admit even existed. I watched as Ashton picked up his shirt from the floor and came to sit down next to me, probably in an attempt to comfort me. As much as I told myself I didn't want his comforting words or even to have him near me I hastily crawled over to him as if NOT being with him would kill me. I layed my head against his chest and curled myself up as small as I could against him, marveling at how perfectly I fit into him.

He kissed my cheek and squeezed me reassuringly telling me that he did want me, but wouldn't that situation best be suited for nighttime. I smiled and let out a quiet giggle as I pictured the two of us together at night, in a situation very similar to that, and it just seemed to ridiculous. Jumping up from his lap I walked around to the other side of the counter infront of my plate of breakfast, working hard to forget what had just happened. He got up to take the seat opposite me and looked from my plate to me, and I couldn't help but feel amused that he actually thought I was going to eat after all that. Even when he called me babe and asked me to eat for him I wouldn't do it, I could only look at him with a dumb smile on my face as I dreamed about the two of us. I opened my mouth to say something to him that came out more as a gurgle and some stupid giggles and I looked away from him blushing.

Closing my eyes I took a deep breath and began to talk to him without so much as looking at him. As long as I couldn't see him I would be fine, as long as I didn't see him I wouldn't think about him. "Ashton...please don't ever do that to me again...when you do y-y-you make me lose control...I-I-I want more. There is no hiding h-h-how much I love you now...how much I want Y-Y-YOU. Please though...j-j-just...let me decide when that happens...at least that way I'll b-b-be prepared for what comes...afterwards." I felt my face burning now and I made the mistake of looking into his face and seeing the amusement on it. He knew exactly what I meant and he thought it was amusing. He knew how much of a hold he really did have on me now, and I had no doubt that he would take advantage of it. The sad part was...I wanted him to exploit that weakness.

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