wishing on stars that aren't there {anymore}//open

I wrap my arms loosely around him, pulling him into a delicate hug. There's a little voice telling me I shouldn't, but I can't bear to see anyone this way. I sit with him in sweet silence, rocking him to the rhythm of the soft waves. I close my eyes and hold in the budding tears because I don't want to lose the battle too. I've already lost. I've already told myself to give up. But right now, I want to be strong. I want to be strong for Stallion, if not for me. I'm going to keep fighting, even though my father has told me to stop fighting after being defeated. Escaping from my dry lips are aimless, but sweet notes. They find a sure rhythm after a few seconds, taking the path as a lullaby. I'm not the best singer in the world, but sometimes I like to make up melodies.

"Yeah, it'll be alright. I've made it this long, so I can make it longer."

I open my eyes. A small smile threatens to creep across my face. I nod slightly and let go of him. I can't tell if he says it for me or for him, but it makes me feel better. I never knew how beautiful those words would sound out loud. But I always tell myself every night to keep on going because this life is going to get better, just you wait and see. Sometimes I don't believe, but some nights when I look up the stars, I feel like Daddy's looking up at the same one as me. And I feel a little better. I believe.

"Do you ever swim or anything?"

This time the grin breaks my cheeks. I swim all the time. All the time, everyday. I didn't do it this morning because I felt too mild and depressed. If he saw me past my hoodie, he would know. I have a body shaped and sculpted for a swimmer. He would be able to tell that I can swim at first glance. My father and I used to race all the time, before he left. He would always beat me, of course, but I was much younger. Now I have experience with the waves and have perfected the way my hand contacts the water and my arm dives. I have made my dive a great arch. Whenever my mother watches me, she said I was giving Father a run for his money. But all I want him to do now is run back to me so that he could watch. And so he would race. And so everything would be happy and like it was back when.

"Of course. We're from Four, I don't think anyone can keep the fish out of us."