We H A V E to hold {close} //Ems

Is it possible to be too afraid to sleep? I sit on my bed staring at the ground. It's that time of year as the reaping gets closer. Emotions start running high. My emotions are running high. The games that just ended left the family broken. They left me broken. Jabber was killed in them. He was taken away from us forever. I could have volunteered, but he would hate me if I did. He wouldn't have wanted me to volunteer for him because I would be sending myself to death. It was horrible watching him die. Part of me is broken. When Jabber died, he took part of me with him. He took part of my sanity with him leaving me almost insane. I wish he was still here. I wish he wasn't dead, but he is, and nothing in the world will take away the pain. I sigh as I place cover my head up with the blanket.

I don't feel like sleeping. My mind races with the announcement of the quell. It's bad enough that the original age is twelve to eighteen, but it's terrible that the Capitol would force only twelve to fourteen year olds to be in the arena. I'm fourteen. I thought I had a safety net, but the odds aren't looking like they'll be in my favor this year. Mist is fourteen. I know that the Capitol is evil, but would they really send siblings into the arena? I know the answer to that. It would make for a good show. It would make for a show that the entire nation would want to see go down. Would Red be reaped? He's thirteen. I don't want him reaped. I can't imagine him going into the arena. I don't know what I'd do if he died. The rest of my sanity would go with him. My entire life would be broken. I would want to be dead in his place.

I am more afraid of being reaped with Mist. She's my twin. I don't want to go into the arena with her, but I know the odds aren't looking good. It terrifies me. I want to spend time with her. I want her to appreciate the fact that I do read. I can't imagine what it would be like without her. I love my sister even though she destroys my books a lot. Books can be replaced, but she can't. Nothing I do will ever replace her in my life. I should probably spend more time with her since the reaping is weighing heavily on my mind. I never dreamed I would see a day where the possibility of me and Mist being reaped was this high. My heart would crush if we were reaped together. I would do everything I could to make sure Mist returned home. She deserves to be here. She deserves to be at home with the rest of the family.

I take a deep breath as I lay my head down on the worn pillow. I can feel my heart racing under my chest. My stomach twists inside me like an acrobat flying through the sky, or a trapeze artist dancing for the crowd. I don't have anyone to preform with. I just want to be by myself, but I can't. I know we might not be reaped together, but that fear rises inside me taking over my thoughts. Ever since the announcement, I can see myself and Mist in the arena fighting to the death. It's a fear that is very plausible, and I want it to not happen. Nobody should want that to happen, but the Capitol would. It sometimes happens. I don't want to think about the possibility, but it's embedded in my mind forever, or at least until the reaping is over. I pull the blanket tighter over my face trying to smother the thoughts that haunt my mind when Mist speaks at the door.

"Storm are you awake?" I can recognize her voice anywhere. It becomes part of life since I live with her. I hear her speak everyday, but I can tell its her before I even see her. I can venture to guess she's terrified of the reaping for this year. She's my twin. We're both fourteen. It could be a twist of the Capitol itself reaping the Jay twins. It would be sickening if that happened, but I wouldn't put it past the, for it not to happen. I move slightly under the cover fighting to find my way out. I want to see her. I want to talk to her without a book standing in my way. I need to talk to her. I need to understand where she stands. I fight with the cover making as little noise as I possibly can since its very late, and most of my family is asleep. I finally find my way out of them.

"Yeah, I'm awake." My voice is quiet as I force myself to sit up in my bed. Mist is the one that can understand the fear. Mist is the one that knows the fear of this reaping. She knows the unthinkable could happen. She knows we can be thrown into the arena to be forced against each other. She's the one I need to speak to. She's the one I need to hear. "Can't sleep?" I ask through the dark trying to start a conversation. It's been a long time since I've talked to her. It's been a while since she spoke to me. I'm always reading, and she's always ruining my books making me angry, but I can't be angry at her now, not when I need her the most. My books may have a place in my heart, but they'll never replace my family. They'll never replace the love I share with my twin sister, and I'm hoping to show her that now.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC:Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3

Every part of my life has changed since the last games. I never openly expressed my hatred for the Capitol, but now I am more open about it. I don't care what others think about me. I don't care anymore because they killed him. They took him away, threw him in an arena, and they watched him die. They forced us all to watch him die, and that is something that isn't easily forgotten. I don't think I would ever be able to forgive them for something that cruel. It's always embedded in my mind haunting my dreams at night, haunting me every second I'm awake, and haunting my thoughts about the upcoming reaping. It terrifies me because I could be reaped with Mist. Another two Jays could be dead, and I'm possibly one of them.

The reaping is the one time mamma and papa can't save us. They are powerless against the name that's called because the peacekeepers would take action if they tried anything. Mamma and papa usually try to help me, but no comforting words can be expressed at this time. No words can comfort me from my parents. I never thought I'd see a day where mama and papa couldn't do anything for me. I saw it last when Jabber was reaped. Nothing can be said or done. What are they supposed to say? I'm sorry you were reaped? No that doesn't work. Sorry won't cut it because it's a death sentence. I find myself wondering what mama and papa would do if Mist and I were reaped together. Would they break down crying? Would they be strong? Only time will tell.

It's dark and cold. I can only make out the silhouette of Mist. I feel the hairs on my arms starting to stand. I draw the blanket over my shoulders trying to keep myself warm. I need to be warm because I don't want to freeze to death. It would be better than dying in the arena, but I can't allow that to happen. Anything is better than possibly going into the reaping. Anything is better than be murdered by other twelve, thirteen, and fourteen year olds. I run my hand through my hair trying to keep myself calm. Part of me wants to start crying for no apparent reason, but I don't want to cry. I don't want Mist to see me as a weakling. I don't want her to see me as weak. If we're going to die together, I want to be strong. I want to be the brother she needs me to be. I have to be strong.

"Sorta hard to sleep these days, don't you think?" Her voice is quiet and calm like she's trying to win me over to her side. It's better than usual because she's usually yells at me when she's talking to me, and I don't blame her. I'm always caught up in those books. I'm caught up in my way to escape the world. I need to spend more time with her. I need to forget about the books and spend time with my family. I look at her trying to picture the type of facial expression she's wearing, but it's too dark. I can't see much of anything. "Yeah, it's near impossible cause of the dreams that haunt me, and the upcoming events." I can't bring myself to say the reaping. I'm afraid it'll upset her, and it's already more than I can imagine.

I don't want to think about the reaping until the day it happens. I don't need to weigh myself down with it because whatever happens, happens. It's a tough situation though, and I fear the worse because the worse could happen. I sigh trying to force the thought out of my mind. My eyes point towards the floor. I've made things interesting between us. I let the friendship go that would be alive within twins because I was too stupid to do anything. I was too stupid to realize all she wanted to do was hang out with me. All I wanted to do was read. I wanted my nose to be shoved in the book. All the time that I lost from my family is more than I can make up. I can't make up the days I've lost from them, but I can make things right with Mist right now. I can make things better between us. I don't know how I'll do that, but I'll do my best. I'll do everything I can to make it known I love her.

"Mind if I come in?" A smile appears on my face. Mist is wanting to be with me. She's wanting to spend time with me. I uncover myself from the blankets and open them up welcoming her to come in. She's free to jump on the bed. She's free to spend the night in my bed because she's the only one that will understand the pain I'm feeling now; the pain she's probably feeling as well. "Come on in." I scoot over in my bed so I'm next to the wall leaving enough room for her. I shiver as the cold air hits me, but it's nothing to worry about. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I blink them away. I can't cry right now. I don't want to cry, but it's okay to cry. The fear takes over my body, but I have to be strong for her. I have to keep a steady head for Mist. "Mist, I'm sorry for never wanting to spend time with you." With that, tears start falling down my face.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC:Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3

I've never been extremely close to Mist. I've always felt so far away from her. It was impossible to reach her no matter how hard I try. I reached my hand out over and over, but she never reached back. I was never able to grasp her hand to pull myself close to her. I stopped trying. I gave up thinking it was worthless. I decided I'd spend every waking second reading my books escaping from this world so I could go to a place where I was accepted; a place I would be with people, or things that cared about me. I didn't have to worry about anything except Mist destroying another one of my books, and I resent her for that. I want to hate her for ruining everything of mine, but I can't right now. I can't resent her because the unthinkable could happen, and I need to be there for her. I must be strong for her.

Her silhouette crosses the room slowly. She’s a ghost moving across the floor easily with each step she takes. I allow the smile to grow on my face as she sits on my bed. I hold the blanket in my hand and place my hand in front of her offering the cover. It is chilly tonight, and I want her to be warm. I want us to be warm together. Tears fall from my face as I look at her. I try to hide them. I try to cry silently, but it’s impossible. I’ve cried so much recently. I’ve cried more than I ever wanted to. I don’t want to cry anymore. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel broken inside, and I am broken inside. My heart has been ripped to pieces, and nothing will mend the pieces back together. Time won’t heal the wound I’m feeling inside. Nothing will heal this wound because of what caused it. I understand he died for others survival, but he’s gone and part of me is gone with him.

Fear pulses through my veins with each breath I breathe. The fear of the quell, the fear of the reaping, the fear of being reaped with Mist, the fear of dying alone in the dreaded arena, and the fear of possibly watching Mist die before my eyes haunts me. Every second I’m awake, I can see the reaping happening over and over in my head. It hasn’t happened yet, but the nightmares that visit me every night when I close my eyes. The nightmares that hold me down when I’m sleeping. They grasps my arms in chains making it impossible to wake up from, but being with Mist allows the fear to ease some. I can allow myself to relax. I can allow myself to be calm again like I was when I was little. I feel safe when I’m with her. I don’t have to worry about impressing her by being strong because she understands.

”Don’t be sorry. I should for being a selfish brat. I should have not treated you as if you were my property. I’m so sorry.” A small stream pours down my face. I raise a hand to wipe the tears away. I need to be strong. I need to be the brother Mist needs right now, but I’m so weak and vulnerable. I’m just a broken person. She’s always been stronger than me. She’s always been the one that keeps me calm in the midst of the storm, but right now I need to be the one to keep her calm in the midst of the storm. I need to be there for her like she’s always been there for me. It’s my turn to be the strong one. ”A lot has changed hasn’t it?” I shrug my shoulders. ”Life won’t ever be the same since Jabber…” My voice trails off unable to finish what I was saying.

I can’t be the strong one. I don’t know how. I’ll never be able to be the strong Storm I once was. I miss Jabber more than words can say. I’m terrified of the reaping. I’m terrified of it all. I want this to be a nightmare. Please just be a nightmare and go away from me. Just go away and leave me alone. I don’t need you to control me. I am the one that controls me. Not you, not anyone. Me. I look down at the bed. My stomach dancing inside me twisting my insides into pretzels. Butterflies prance around making me feel nauseas, but I fight it away. I can’t run now. I’m here with Mist trying to comfort her. ”Storm, I’m scared.” My heart drops to the floor. I feel empty inside because nothing I say will make it better. Nothing will take away the fear she’s feeling.

I sigh and look up at her. ”I know Mist, I know.” I place my hand on her shoulder trying to let her know that I’m here for her. I won’t leave her. I’ll protect her with everything I have. Now is the time I have to be strong for her. I need to be the one that keeps myself pulled together. ”Mist, as long as I’m around, I’ll protect you with my life.” A steady river flows from my eyes as I stare at her. I look around trying to keep quiet because I don’t want to wake anyone up. Is anyone else awake at this hour of night? ”Would you like to go for a walk? We can take my blanket with us.” A walk is needed to escape this world. A walk to go away for a while. A walk with just Mist to help calm her down during the midst of the storm.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC: Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3

Nothing compares to the pain, and fear I'm feeling now. The pain of the last games, the fear of the upcoming games with the quell twist. It's such a horrible thing. I hate it, and I want it to end, but nothing will change it. I can't run from these games because I need to be here for my family. I need to be strong. I need to keep myself held together for them. It's really important that I keep a steady head because of the upcoming events. The events that haunt my dreams every night. The dreams I can never force myself to wake up from. The chains of the nightmares hold me down forcing me to stay asleep as long as they can. I fight against them, but I never win. I wake drenched in sweat screaming my head off begging them to go away, but it won't happen. Nothing will change them, and I expect to live with them until my last breath.

It's a bit easier now that Mist is here with me. She's the one that understands me right now. She's the one that has the same fear I do of the reaping. I can't comprehend why she would come running to me because I've never been there for her. I've always been too caught up in my books to ever acknowledge anyone. I was too busy working on that escape that was impossible. It's impossible to escape because it's just a fantasy world. A world I can only visit in my dreams. A world that I wanted to go to, but I can't because it doesn't exist. I want it to exist, but it's impossible. The world will never be perfect like them. I'll never be as happy as the fairies, or the vampires soaring through the trees at night because they aren't real. The small part of me that believes in them, doesn't matter anymore because they don't exist. They only exist in my mind. I spent so many years trying to go to that world. I would visit it in my dreams, but the dreams are gone. The dreams ceased to exist, and it's something I never wanted to happen, but I can't control my dreams.

"Even if he won everything would have changed." Hearing those words slap me across the face. I never thought about how much it would change. He would be different. He would have to live the rest of his life knowing he killed so he could survive, and it would change all of us seeing him like that. He would end up mentoring us if we were reaped, and I'm sure nobody wants to do that. She lets out a large sigh as tears fall down her face. I take a deep breath and remain quiet for a while. No words can express how I feel right now. I want to be strong for Mist, but I need her to be strong for me. I need her to be brave because I'm a coward. I want to run away, but I can't run away not when Mist needs me the most. We need each other. We share a bond many people can't imagine because we share the same birthday. We're twins, and it makes a difference. I want to tell her I'm scared, I want her to know I'm terrified, but I don't want her to know how terrified I am.

"Mist, I-I-I'm terrified. I'm terrified the unthinkable will happen. I'm terrified. It haunts my dreams. It holds me down when I'm trying to sleep, and I'm a coward. I want to run from them. I want them to go away, but I can't make it happen. They trap me. They taunt me when I lay down. They laugh at me when I close my eyes. I don't know what else to do. I'm scared Mist. I'm scared out of my mind. I-I-I-I'm trying to be strong, but I don't know how anymore. I'm tired of putting on the brave face that nothing has happened. I-I-I-I just wish I could go back in time and change it, but I can't. I've made mistakes Mist, and I'm terrified I'll never get to make them right. I'm terrified of dying. I'm so scared." I start sobbing uncontrollably. The once steady stream rages from my eyes falling down my face onto the bed. I don't hide them. I don't care if she sees me like this because she's my sister. She's the one I need the most. I know as soon as I said I'd protect her, it wouldn't be the response she wanted, but the words slipped past my lips before I could control them.

"Don't you dare promise me something like that again, Storm Jay. You know I don't deserve it, especially from you." Her words are meant to be harsh, I can tell by how she's talking, but they don't come out that way. Her words are full of tears. I want to comfort her. I want to be there for her, but I don't know how. I've never knew how to comfort anyone because I've never spent as much time with them as I wanted to, and I regret it now. I regret not walking through the storms with my twin. I regret not hanging with Jabber more. I regret all the fights I've had with Red. I regret them all because I realize how quickly one can be taken away from me now. I don't know what I'd do if Mist was taken away from me. My life would be broken. I would have no reason to live anymore, and it's something I pray never happens. I pray to ripred that I never have to witness that, but it's a great possibility now. If were reaped together, I'll make sure she's crowned victor so she can return home.

A slight nod of her head let's me know she wants to get out as much as I do. It'll be nice to stare into the night sky crying with my twin. It'll be nice to spend time with her while I still have a chance, and I'm not going to ruin it. I'm not going to mess this one up because it's something that I need to happen. I need to be with her. I need to be strong together. I need to stay close to her because she's my world, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I slide down the bed and place my bare feet on the cold ground. Chills run up and down my spine causing the hairs on my arms and legs to stand. The floor creaks as I play my weight upon it. I grab the old ragged blanket off the bed. I stand at the foot of the bed waiting for Mist because we must stick together. I must show her that I can be that brother she always wanted. "We can go as far as you want to go. We can stay out all night because it doesn't matter what anyone says. Tonight I'm giving my time to you because you're my twin, and I want to make up for lost times." Anything to ease the fear is worth the time to spend with my sister. I want to spend every possible second with her now growing the bond that we share because I feel like I know nothing about her.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC: Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3

Pain surges through my veins replacing the fear I once felt. The pain of never spending enough time with my family. I've always been caught up in my books as I tried to escape from this world. I thought it was possible because everything was perfect. I didn't worry about reality because I didn't have to. I would allow my mind to be trapped with the fairies. I wanted to dance with them in victory. I wanted to sing with them every morning when I woke up. I visited them quite often when I was asleep. I looked forward to sleeping because of it. I would rush to bed because the fairies would always visit me. They pulled me through the sleep into that world that only existed in my mind. I wanted to be there. I didn't want to live in the facts of life. I wanted this dream world to be true. It all changed in the past games when Jabber was reaped. I was slapped in the face with reality, and it was totally unexpected; however, I wear the mark everyday.

Never once in my life did I dream a Jay would be reaped. I didn't think it was possible. I was never afraid of the reaping because of my age. (Yes, I know children younger than me are reaped, but I feel safe since I'm younger.) Ever since the quell was announced, I've became terrified. I've never feared a reaping so much. I never thought my name would be entered in the lottery the maximum amount of times. I always thought my older brothers would offer protection for me, but they can't. If I'm reaped, nobody can help me. I'll be going into the arena to face my death sentence. It's something I never want to think about. My insides twist tightly around each other out of fear I'll be reaped with Mist. It should be impossible. It shouldn't happen, but it has happened before. I've watched games where siblings have gone into the arena, and they end up turning on each other. I hope Mist would never turn on me.

I don't think she would ever turn on me, and I know I would never turn on her. If we're both reaped, I'll do everything I can to make sure she returns home as victor. I'll make sure she gets to live because she deserves it more than me. I want to live, I don't want to die, but if my death brings Mist home, it'll be worth it. I would do anything for Mist because its time for me to make up for all the lost time. Every second I spent ignoring her as I read my books, I'll never be able to make up for, but I can start now. I can let her know how much I care about her. I want her to know that I'm willing to throw the books aside just to spend every second until the reaping with her. I want her to know how guilty I feel because of all the time that has been lost. It's my fault we don't have a good relationship. It's my fault we aren't as close as we should be, and I'm going to make it up to her no matter what it takes. I want to be closer to her because if we are reaped, I must serve my death sentence.

"Storm. I I I know you are sacred. I am to, and...well just believe me when I say this. We are all scared to death. We are all scared of death. Gosh do you have an idea who much i want to be there for you? To be able to do some type of magic that would make you feel better? I'm just as terrified as you Storm" Seeing and hearing Mist express her fear about the reaping helps me to relax a tiny bit even though she's sobbing. I want to comfort her so we can sob together. It helps knowing that I'm not alone. I want to be the strong brother she needs me to be, but I'm weak right now. I don't know what I can do to help her. I've never been good at helping people because I'm terrified of being around people. I don't want anyone to look at me or talk to me, but it's different right now because Mist is my family. We're supposed to share a bond that others don't understand. I want this time to be bonding time. This will be the time I learn more about Mist. We are twins, and I feel like we are meeting for the first time. It's terrible, but it's the truth.

"Let's go then, I can tell you about the stars if you want." I'm caught off guard at first. Mist wants to teach me something? A smile forms on my face. She's offered to tell me something. She wants to teach me something. My heart races inside my chest. The pain that recently started surging through my veins turns into pure excitement. It's been a while since I felt like this. Ever since Jabber served his death sentence, I've been a walking dead person. I had no hope left. My heart had shattered like a mirror. All the tiny shards of glass unable to be placed back together. My heart won't heal from the pain that was dealt to it. It's shattered beyond repair; however, the larger pieces are slowly growing back together. I have this feeling of hope that I'll be able to make up for the lost times with Mist. We'll be able to bond like twins are supposed to. I'll finally be that brother she needs me to be. I'll be the strong Storm she needs me to be. No matter how hard it is, I'll make this work. I'll make this be the best night of our lives. A night she'll never forget.

"Learning about the stars will be fun. We can sit under the stars bundle up in my blanket without worrying about anything. This is our night. A night to mend the relationship between us. A night to forget about the past, and focus on right now. I want this to be special. Nobody to interrupt us. It'll just be us." I allow the smile to spread from ear to ear as I walk out of my room into the hall. The floor protest every time I place my foot down. I try to sneak through the halls I don't want to wake anyone else up, but I'm not the quietest person in the world. I reach the end of the hall, and I turn back to make sure Mist is following me. I stop in front of the old door. I wrap the blanket around my shoulders leaving enough room for Mist. I open the blankets up offering her enough room to come in so we both can be covered by the blanket. It's. it the biggest blanket in the world, but it's a special one. It'll always be a special blanket, and tonight will always be a special night. Tonight's the night I'll always remember no matter what. Tonight is the night I'll finally gain that bond all twins should share. Tonight I'll be that brother I'm supposed to be.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC:Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3