Coming Home. [Cass]

Coming home was difficult. She had no one to help her as much as she would need help. Yeah there was Topaz and Peridot, her constant companions through the last few weeks, But she was tired and when most people would have fallen into the arms of their family to care for them Opal had to remain standing, catching herself at the last moment, mistaking the signs of a family for blood-thirsty sharks. No way was she going to be letting herself crumple into the protective arms of her arguably annoying family. Even then there was not even a friend to lend a hand. Her house in the victor’s village was hers alone. There would be no soul to spend the days with. Friends were a luxury she had never ever had, they seemed to prefer her other family members like perfect little Phenakite. Even the angry, aggressive Pyrite Shore had more friends than she had. It was weird, but the comforting touch her home should have given her ended with nothing, but loneliness. It was a horrid thing to think, but it was true nonetheless. Regardless she would work to find some friends, those friends being more than her mentors and the other victors. She had met a number of people on her victory tour, some of which she hoped to never forget, others she wished she could visit right now.

Hell she wanted to be back in that potato field in district eleven. She had lived sitting in the dirt and talking to the boy with the funny accent. His words had been odd, but they had been kind. He had spoken and even though the accent, the way the spoke and held themselves had been entirely different it had reminded her all too much of Xanthus. Yeah, that was where she wanted to be, not here, not where everyone basically despised her, not here where her family could just abuse her some more. Yet when the train pulled up and she stepped out she did so with the brightest smile she could muster. Her useless leg just as useless as ever. She had, however, learned to walk with it and she was even looking at it with the promising notion that one day she might be able to run on it. Hell, the Capitol might even be able to help her out and invent something that could be a bit more useful. That day could not come fast enough, the fake leg was useful, it allowed her to walk, move and stand, but it wasn’t her leg. Still, she was fight against the normal pains that overtook her when she thought too much about the things she could not do anymore.

She still had the ability to do her gardening and in the end that was all that mattered. The crowd cheered, an endless cry of her name as she walked onto stage. The next time she smiled it was not so forced and instead slightly more relaxed and clam. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad in the end. Smiling at the crowd she stepped forwards as Caramel finished the introductions – as little as they were needed the escort was determined to stick to the protocol and introduce her to her own home district. Opal went with it, unwilling to risk another argument with her. There had been a few heated fights between them, both of them with completely different mindsets and ideas for how it should work. Kaiser had had to step in once, telling Opal to cool off, after all, Carmel was the escort it was her job to do the things she did. After a few stubborn hours she had agreed to listen and do as she was told. The crowd parted and Opal stepped down and off the stage, her fake leg taking the steps easily, she did not even hesitate this time.

A few people came up and shook her hands and she shook there’s. Other congratulated her on her victory and praised her on her skill. Then there were those who stood at the back and sulked, displeased with their new champion. She didn’t care what they though, though. She was alive and that was all that mattered. Stopping by a particular boy she offered him a warm smile and offered him her hand to shake. ”Hi, I’m Opal Shore.” She said, even though he probably knew who she was she still felt common courtesy dictated she state her name no matter the situaion.

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

ooc -- graphic credit to Zoe <3

When she had first glanced at the other victor’s she had found a somewhat sombre scene. For a group of people who had fought in an arena and earned their lives back they hadn’t looked all too happy about it. From her own personal experience she could think and see why it was hard to be happy with the blood on your hands. Plus there was always going to be the nightmares and the scars and scratches to remind you of all the bad you had done. Opal had thought about that a lot in the arena, the kind of effects it would have on her life and her happiness if she had made it out. But even when she was crying over the fallen body of the people she loved and even when she was being carried from the arena she had never wanted to let that kind of thing take away the pure ecstasy that came from knowing you had survived. There had been days where she had not wanted to survive, knowing that her return meant that twenty-three other people had died. And yet now she stood in front of her home, in front of people who were actually pleased she had been crowned victor. And that was something to be proud of.

In this kind of situation there was a thousand different ways it could play out. It would be the easiest thing in the world to turn to a drink and wallow in her self-pity and problems. There would be no fight on her part to simply slip into that mind frame and let the nightmares take over, to let the guilt wash through her body. But what would the point be? What on earth would the point be just to give up after fighting for so long? Opal knew she couldn’t possibly do that and whatever guilt and regret that found its way into her body was beaten and shoved away. It was a part of the fight to be happy about doing something everyone else could not. She’d always be pained by losing Locust, but there were so many other people in this small world to take that edge away. She’d always feel stabs of never ending guilt at each and every though and memory of Xanthus, but in the end she had done what she had to survive and she would not begrudge herself in an attempt to claim her own life when Xanthus had done exactly the same. Opal was determined to not let the misery of her past claim her now, she wanted to be happy, and she wanted to be a light that everyone could see. The games were just an excuse to be miserable, and this bright girl was not going to use it as one.

Smiling warmly at the flustered boy she laughed lightly. It was amusing to see people so flustered and embarrassed in her presence and all in all it left her feeling more self-confident than ever. However her smile flickered for the briefest of moments as Phenom’s hands moved to his leg. From a simple glance she could tell there was no real leg under there and instead there was something close to her own. But hers would have been much much better than his, coming straight from the Capitol to the victor. His was most likely uncomfortable, whereas hers was almost like there was no leg missing, except for the part where she had to attach and remove it. The tense set to her shoulders loosened and her smile turned into something less formal and friendlier. She had experienced little of what was to come with her fake leg and here before her was someone with a similar issues, someone who had most likely been through a lot more. “Do you wanna trade stories? I’ll tell you how I got mine; you tell me how you got yours.” She motioned to his leg, waving her hand to her own.

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

ooc -- graphic credit to Zoe <3

He spoke for a very long time and it was almost relaxing to see another person feeling free to talk and tlak in her company. It was odd to have someone tell her their story. She had already grown accustomed to people aksing her and begging and stabbing and jabbing into her life. Even with the little time she had spent as a victor there had been so many people prodding her, questioning her about aspects and areas of her life she wanted no one to know about. Hell one person had even had the courage to ask her if she wanted to have sex with them. That had ended violently, the youngest victor scowling darkly before punching said offender in the face. More would have happened had her stylist not tugged her away. A stream of profanities had needed to be suffice. Although she had been sitting, burning with rage for the next three hours, everyone reluctant to go near her until she had cooled off completely. Surprisingly, the fact that her attendants being scared of her had left her with a few small fits of laughter and within a few hours she had calmed down enough to re-appear before the district bad say her goodbyes, glaring at anyone who looked even faintly like they were going to talk to her, before slipping back to the train where she had indulged herself in a range of chocolates and sweets.

Phenom’s story was an interesting one, and it preluded to the cockiness of most career’s, but it turned out that this boy suffered for his arrogance. Nodding her head as though she approved she gave him a warm smile. There were reasons why things happened and if this boy needed to lose a leg to know that being a cocky shit was a bad thing then so be it. She had suffered for far too long in her childhood at the hands of people he had used to be that any sympathy she felt was immediately washed away. Instead she just felt a tinge of satisfaction that his poor personality had been destroyed with his leg. He’d never say that to him, though, because that was just plain cruel and Opal Shore was anything but cruel. And even though he had been someone other than he was once, he wasn’t that now. Besides she had already face a few weeks without her leg and she often found herself staring wistfully at the palce it had once been. That kind of pain and agony was not something she would ever wish upon another soul as much as they might deserve it.

”Well, let’s see. I was in a fight in the arena against one of the nicest, bravest people I ever knew. He was my first and only best friend, and I still had to fight him, even though I loved him, even though I cared about him. I had to fight him after healing his wounds and helping him to survive. After fighting by his side I was forced to turn my blade onto him—“ She took a deep breath, surprised by her own conviction with everything she said. An unexpected tear slipped from her eye and she wiped it hurriedly away, ”—and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I’ll never forgive myself for that. And in that way I think I deserve what he did to me, Xan took my leg, maybe with it he took a bit of my humanity, but I don’t care, I’m kind of glad he took it, I want the memories that come with it.” She responded, her voice steady. Oh dear god, I miss him so much. Closing her eyes she breathed in deeply, this was not a good thing, she could feel the tears coming and before she could stop herself she had spun around and moved away.

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

ooc -- graphic credit to Zoe <3

She can remember so clearly the feel of dirt between her fingers. The way it felt on her skin, and how when she shifted her hands grains of sand would slide off her skin before falling to the ground. Sometimes a bit of dirt would cling and at other times the powder fine bits would lace it, until she washed them. Her garden was her sanity, it was her home. The plants were her life, they grew under her care and when she neglected them they wilted. But then she never neglected them, she had never before neglected them until she was reaped. And even then it had not been by choice, but rather forced upon her. When she had returned home it had made her distraught to see the devastating sight of her garden. It appeared that Pyrite had made a mess of it; foot prints, feet and destroyed plants littered the entire ground. Leaves were scattered across the grass, meters away from the plants that they had once been a part of.

At first she had almost cried, but after that she had become so incredibly angry that she had sun around before storming away. The house had disappeared after minutes as she slipped into the streets, unable to face the aggressive girl. Besides she refused to see her, she refused to look at Pyrite. It was kind of a similar situation to now, as the tears faded she found herself becoming undeniably angry with herself, not with the guy, but with her. She was being stupid, she was being ridiculous. She had stormed away, but Pehnom’s voice stopped her. She couldn’t fathom why he was apologising, and it amused her that he was. Not that she would ever admit that, because that was just cruel, seeing as he seemed very sincere with what he was saying in all, so to laugh at it would just be plane cruel and unfair to him. So instead she stopped and listened, head tilting itself to the side. She didn’t turn around and face him again, and when she ended she half expected him to keep going.

She snorted, undeniable astounded as he said that she was the closest thing to a friend she had ever had. That was just silly, though, they didn’t even know watch other. Hell they had said a few things to each other and they were friends? Spinning around she looked at him amusement flickering in her eyes. ”You’re a weird one, no offence. But you do need to be a lot more careful with what you say. Speaking, but a few words to a person you don’t even know does not deem them a friend. If you say that kind of thing to the wrong people you could end up with a black eye or a lot worse. And honestly, I don’t know why you are sorry. Calm down, man, you are like a nervous little wreck babbling words for the sake of it. Chill, speak freely, not as though you have done something wrong.” Raising an eyebrow she eyed him, a smirk lingering on her lips. She had not been this upfront with someone for a long time and it was refreshing.

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground

ooc -- graphic credit to Zoe <3