Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock
Jun 26, 2013 17:49:56 GMT -5
Post by Knuckles on Jun 26, 2013 17:49:56 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 22163F; border: CCCCCC solid 1px; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 20px 20px 20px 20px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Storm Jay |
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I wish I knew when to put my foot in my mouth. I'm so stupid. I'm the stupidest person alive right now. I hate just sitting here staring at Red doing nothing for him. I hate not knowing what to say. It's starting to make me frustrated. It's like I'm trapped not knowing what to do, and there isn't a story to get me out of this. I want to escape from it. I wish the fairies were real. I wish I could run with them and hide myself from Red. I'm afraid of how he will react. I know I've crossed the line. I can tell by how fast my heart is racing under my chest. I feel like my stomach has dropped to the floor as butterflies dance around inside me. I wish I could take it back, but it's to late. I'm stuck, and now, I have to wait or run away like a coward.
I wish I knew what to do. I wish I was able to help him, but he doesn't want my help. I'm just trying to help him, but it never works out to well. I hate just standing by watching him run into things, but he denies my help and it pisses me off. I don't know what to do for him. Maybe one day I'll be able to do something right for him. I lower my head towards the ground ashamed of myself. My voice echoing around inside my head. I can feel my face turning colors as my cheeks warm to a bright red. Right now, I'm grateful it's just me and him because nobody will know how embarrassed I really am. I wish I could run away and hide, but now wouldn't be the right time. I have to read to Red if he will allow me to even after what I just said.
“Haven’t you been listening?” He screams. I take a step backwards instinctively and hit the wall behind me. Stupid wall. Stupid Storm. Why can't I just stay quiet? Why can't I just shove my foot in my mouth? I'm so stupid. I stand against the wall watching him. I wish he would just understand my intentions. I don't want to baby him. I'm trying to be nice and respect him, but I don't know what to do. This is like a mother watching her child cry helplessly in the night, but she's unable to do anything about it. “I thought you understood.” I do understand! I don't know what he doesn't understand! I wish he could realize how lost I am. I wish he could see me right now! I wish I could help him, but he's so far away from me I can't reach him!
I can feel myself starting to feel angry at him, but I quickly try to calm myself down. It's not his fault. Don't be angry at him. Just relax and stay calm. Just be polite and helpful. “I don’t need you to do anything. I don’t need nothing. From any of you. I am capable of doing things- doing things on my own. Hell I have been trying for three years now, and I think I have done a pretty good job.” His screams pierce through the small hall slicing through the air like a dual edge sword. I cringe slightly at him screaming. I slowly allow myself to slide down the wall onto the floor. I place my head in my hands not wanting him to know how stupid I feel. I hate myself. I'm mad at myself. Why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't I have saved him? He doesn't deserve this.
“Storm… I’m sorry.” The silence is broken with an apology. An apology I never expected to come. It's not like him, and I don't need him to apologize to me. I just wish he would understand I feel lost unsure of what to do or say. I wish it would be noticeable. I hate feeling like this. I'm so confused. I wish there was a book to help me. I wish I could find a story to help me through this. I hate being stuck like this. I slowly look up at him. I take a breath to start talking when he speaks again. “Can we just forget that this happened? You know rewind a couple of minutes?” I wish it was that easy. I'm used to him yelling at me. I've experienced it before. I just hate that it happens. It breaks my heart causing me to feel stupid and useless, but I'll have to try.
I take a deep breath to make myself calm down before I speak. I don't know what to say, but I will try. "Red, I need you to help me. I'm not- I don't know..." I don't know what to say. I don't want to make it worse. I just want to read to him like the old days. I don't know where to begin. I wish I had some help right now. Please someone help me make things right. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I-I just wish... I'm not good at this." I can feel hopelessness rising up inside my chest. I don't know what to say to him. I can tell this isn't going over well. "I just want to tell you a story." My cheeks are bright red now. I've never been good at talking to people. I'm not even comfortable talking around Red because I'm afraid of making things worse. "I'm sorry. I wish I was better at this."Narration 4C4361
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