Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock

k!ah
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#expensivetrash

Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 8, 2013 8:12:29 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 8, 2013 8:12:29 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

Darkness. Darkness. It is so very dark. Darkness surrounds me, creeping to every crack and crevice of my body, embracing me in a twisted uncomfortable way, stealing away my sight. I feel it cold and unwelcoming as it sucks away my happiness. I feel it laughing at my misfortune, enjoying the fact that it creates such a strong sweep of negative emotions with in me. It is so dark, so very dark. A surge of uneasiness crashes through my body as I stumble across the hallway of our house. I have long since memorised the pathway from my bedroom to the front door, but that doesn’t mean that now and then I don’t knock into unexpected items. Today I feel the darkness surrounding me more frightening than usual. I have never loved darkness, not even before I had lost my sight. I have always hated the way it is so mysterious and full of surprises.

When will it ever go away? Please I am so scared so alone in this darkness that surrounds me. My bare feet touch the cool tiles of the kitchen and I know that the door to my freedom is only a few steps away. Hesitantly I take a step forward. I crash into nothing. That’s a good sign. I take the next step more confidently. Without pausing I take a third step. Ouch! My foot collides with something. Pain surges up through me toe until it reaches my lips where a small groan of pain escapes. I should have known not to be so confident, I scold myself, shuffling away from the object I had run into. This time I pause trying to form an image of the kitchen in my mind. I try to remember the shape of the worn down counter, I try to remember the table where the whole family would sit to eat dinner, I try to remember what would lie between me and the door.

But nothing comes to me. All that I see is the darkness that surrounds me, where ever I look.

I could feel the wave of frustration building up within me as I force my mind to remember. Think Red, think! I urge myself, reaching into the last memories I had before my whole world turned into darkness. But nothing could cut through the darkness. I was alone. Finally, building up enough confidence, I take another step, slightly to the left of my previous one. My foot collided with nothing but the air that surrounds me. I breathe a sigh of relief. Slowly I bring my hands out in front of me, searching for the door. My hands scramble at the thin air. I’m not close enough, I say to myself. Taking another step forward my hands come in contact with the soft wood that made the door to the house.

Triumph surges through me, a small smile playing at the edges of my lips. That’s right. I can do this. I can do this. Now I just need to- The gentle sound of footsteps interrupt thoughts. I drop my hands and in a panic take a few steps back only to collide with the counter of the kitchen bench behind me. Pain rockets through the back of my skull, but I try to ignore it as I regain my balance. I hated it when my family saw how useless I was. Hopefully they didn’t see my struggle I think to myself, I hated their pity, I hated the way they treated me, like I was some lost cause. I didn’t need their pity. I didn’t need them to coddle me and tell me that I would get used to it soon .

The sound of the footsteps become louder and I instantly recognise who they belong to. Storm. After being blind for so long. You learn to use your other senses, to try and distinguish one sound from another. The sound of his steps come closer, then they stop all together. I have the sense that he is looking at me, I turn my head away, my eyes staring at the ground.

Darkness leave me alone. Please set me free. I am scared. I am alone. Please set me free.

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Last Edit: Jul 1, 2013 6:38:27 GMT -5 by k!ah

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 8, 2013 16:11:48 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 8, 2013 16:11:48 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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Thud! I jump out of the sleep I’m in. My heart pounds rapidly under my chest. My breathing is fast almost choking me. My hands are shaking rapidly. Sweat drips off my face. I open my eyes and quickly look around. I roll over wondering if Mist is laying in the floor, but it’s not her. Something else is on the floor. Laying in the floor partly open is a book. I must have fell asleep reading this. I lay my head back down in the bed forcing myself to calm down. I close my eye to try to fall back to sleep, but it’s no good.

My mind is already moving. I groan. I wasn't ready to wake up, but now I’m awake. I wanted to finish the dream I was having about the fairies and vampires. I wanted to see how this ended, but now, I may never know. I might as well get this day started. I slowly sit up in the bed and place my bare feet on the ground. Chills run up my spine as soon as my feet hit the floor.

I run my fingers through my greasy, untamed hair. The front of my hair is still standing straight up. No matter what I do, that part of my hair won’t lay flat. I hate this, but it’s something that I can’t change. I walk over to the window and stare at the woods. I bet the forest fairies are having a wonderful time dancing around on such a beautiful day. The sun is shining high in the sky. The trees are moving with a soft steady breeze. The birds fly through the air singing songs of happiness. The sound of the birds singing brings a smile to my face. I turn and walk over to the small closet in the corner of the room.

I search through the closet to find an outfit to wear for today. Most of the clothes I have are worn and torn. It doesn't matter though I’m used to it. I run my fingers through my hair again trying to style it better, but after a few seconds, I realize it’s going to be no good. I quickly change into a holey blue, short sleeve shirt and a pair of worn out jeans. The bottoms of the jeans are torn, and the holes in the jeans make it worth the effort to wear them. Hand me down's from Mocking and Stellar. They are obviously to big for me, but it doesn't matter.

I walk out of the room carefully as the boards creak with every step I take. I look back at Mist. She's sleeping soundlessly. I smile as I turn and walk out the door. The creaking seizes when I walk into the hall. "Thank goodness." I whisper to myself. Thud! The sounds startles me. I look up and spot Red.

I feel bad for him although he doesn't want my pity. What can I say to him? There's nothing in the world that would make it better. I sigh as silently as I possibly can. I watch him walk blindly through the halls. He's been through the halls many times. I start walking towards him trying to be quiet. Being silent doesn't make a difference in this situation. My heart races as I reach him. My mind searches for what I'm going to say. I don't want to make him mad. I don't want to be over protective of him. I stop and face him. "Hey." I say as calmly as I can hoping it doesn't set him off.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

k!ah
Retired Staff

4,636 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen Nov 10, 2024 20:35:35 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 9, 2013 7:31:02 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 9, 2013 7:31:02 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

I remember a time when I was out in the fields in the early fall. The grass around me had been soft and green, it had been like I was lying on a pile of blankets. My fingers had played with the shards of grass. Grass was a funny thing, on one side it was smooth and flawless, green and perfect. But on the other side it was rough. It was tough. Proving to me, that like was not some stroll in the park, that life, that all living things, including grass, had two side. A good. One that people can look forward to. One that is cherished and loved. And a bad. One that people hate, a side that causes pain and hurt and despair. This is when I also realised that every living things good and bad sides were in a variety of unique combination throughout one’s lifetime.

For me? Well I think that I have already overcome my good side. I have passed it, and then over lapped it again. I used to cherish being the kid who was a shadow. I used to cherish being able to read, being able to see. I used to cherish the small things that people take for granted. They keyword in this whole little spill is the word ‘used to’ not I can only dream of those small things and even then I find it harder and harder each day to muster and image of the things that I used to love, that I used to take granted of. It is not until you lose something that you realise how important it was to you.

I stare at the ground, not seeing anything but the darkness which is now my world. The silence that take place feels like it lasts for hours, for so long that at one point I truly believe that he isn’t standing their anymore. I look up, more out of instinct, than the fact that I still have hope that this darkness is all just a dream, that if I move fast enough it will all go away and that I will be able to see again. I hold my breath listening for any sign that will prove to me that Storm is still standing there. I open up all my senses, but I hear nothing.

Just when I am about to turn away from where Storm had been standing, I hear the slightest sound of a release of breath. I freeze. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Why can’t they just go about their normal lives and forget that I even exists. I think to myself, as a small burst of anger flares up in my chest. I feel his gaze on me as I turn my sightless gaze in the direction that I believe he is standing. I am unsure how tall he is these days to I level my gaze to where I believe his eyes are. I don’t say anything, I just stare at him silently, waiting for him to make the first move.

Darkness please leave me alone. What have I done to you? I beg please, please leave me be

"Hey." His voice is smooth, as though he is trying to sooth me. Instantly I feel my boy fill with agitation. I try to fight it down. I try, oh man do I try, I try to tell myself that he is just trying to be nice. He is just trying to show me that he cares. But it angers me. The tone in his voice sends tendrils of anger through me limbs.

“Hi,” I know that my voice is edged with frost, but I try not to let my anger play on my face. “What are you doing up? I thought everyone was still in bed.” I say. I try to tame my voice, trying to reduce the frostiness in the words that came out of my mouth.

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Last Edit: Jun 9, 2013 7:31:41 GMT -5 by k!ah

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 9, 2013 8:33:59 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 9, 2013 8:33:59 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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In a world where everything is near perfect the fairies dance around in the forest. The vampires jump from tree to tree. The werewolves howl at night. Mortal enemies with one thing in common. The vampires and the werewolves were both created. They were bit by another creature of their likeness. They were forced to change even if it's against their will. Red, my brother, is like them in a way. He wasn't bit or anything, but he was forced to change against his will. He was forced into something he can't change.

I can hear the faint sound of my heart pounding inside my chest as I look at Red. I hope that he can't hear it. What can I say to him to make him fell better? What can I say to help him out? This constantly runs through my mind. I know deep down inside there's nothing I can do to make him better. I don't think all the healers in the districts can make him better. He knows better. He's smarter than most would give him credit for.

The tension is running high as he senses my presence. I try to keep my breathing calm. I want to be there for him, but he doesn't want me to. He looks around with his blue eyes like he can see everything. My stomach twists inside me. I can't look at him anymore. I don't want to stare at him. I look down at the floor like I do a lot of times in an uncomfortable situation. I look at the ground unsure what to say. Not a thing I say to him will help him. Nothing will change what is already done.

My heart breaks for him. I would cry for him, but I don't want him to know. Is there anything I can do to help him? Is there anything that I can do to make him feel better? No, nothing I say can make him better. I can't tell him it's going to be better when I know deep inside it's not. I can't tell him it's going to be okay because he doesn't want to hear that. Maybe I can do something for him.

"Hi." His voice is like a double edge sword cutting through the air piercing me straight in the heart. My heart drops. (If a banshee was real, the screams wouldn't compare to what this is like.) I knew he could react like this, but I still wasn't prepared for the harsh sound of his voice. I look back up at him. "What are you doing up? I thought everyone was still in bed." I was in bed until I had the shit scared out of me.

I'm lost for words. I'm not sure what to say. I'm never sure what to say. I never know what to say. I'm lost for words again. "I just...I-I-I just th-th-thought I would go set on the porch and listen to the birds." I manage to stutter out. (It's a good thing he can't see me right now because my face has turned bright red.) "Red, I just want you to know that I'm here for you." I sigh as I look at the floor again.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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k!ah
Retired Staff

4,636 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen Nov 10, 2024 20:35:35 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 11, 2013 2:45:59 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 11, 2013 2:45:59 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

My words seemed to cut into the silence like a knife into a block of cheese. Without thinking I cringe at the harshness of my voice, my small face screwing up slightly before relaxing into a scowl which stays plastered to my face as the silence drags on. The darkness that surrounds me gives me no evidence of the expression that Storm wears, so with some effort I form an image of the boy I knew in my muddled thoughts, trying to remember the colour of his hair, the curve of his lips. His eyes. His posture. I try to remember the smallest features, trying to form the scene in my mind. He has dark brown hair which is flicked up at the front, forms in my mind, a small surge of triumph surges through me as I praise my efforts, his hair never used to stand up like that on purpose, well not the Storm I knew, it was just something that occurred naturally. I form the image of his cold but warm eyes, eyes that always seemed to be lost in his imagination. I remember the gentle curve of his shy smile and the small lift of his checks when he talked about something that excited him.

The image that forms in my mind is one of the last times that I had actually seen him, he had been telling me about his fantasies. About the fairies and vampires that lurked around in the forests. He was telling me about the perfect world, and how much he desired to live in that perfect world. I had listened, watching him intently as his eyes had glazed over and his voice had changed as he talked about things that he could only dream of. He had been fascinating to me, the way he got engrossed I his books, similar to the way I had… I think with some reluctance before the image of the brother I had once know dissolved into more darkness.

No matter how hard I tried I could only remember the boy that I had once known, I could not form the image of the boy who stood in front of me, after all did I really know this boy? Technically I hadn’t seen him for a few years. How could I make judgements by the way he walked or talked? I couldn’t. The most I could do was form the image of the boy I had once known and pretend that he was this boy that stood in front of me now. Now instead of the boy with the shy smile I saw a boy with a concerned face, his eyes staring at me with pity visible on the surface, his lips were turned down concerned, worried… Instantly I pushed the image out of my mind. I did not need their pity. I scold myself the last of the image being replaced by the endless darkness that was my life now.

"I just...I-I-I just th-th-thought I would go set on the porch and listen to the birds." Storm stubbles over the words, instantly I feel regrets well up in me and I resist the urge to apologise and tell him that I didn’t mean to snap, that I just wanted to be treated normal. But I don’t apologies I just look away from him and close my eyes, scared that he would see the regret swimming in my eyes, scared that he would say something that would make me snap. I was like a tonne of gas, in a concealed container, waiting for the smallest spark to ignite me, to make me explode. . "Red,”- and here is comes, I think harshly- “I just want you to know that I'm here for you." His voice seems modest and kind, but that doesn’t matter to me, not at the moment, because in that instant that spark I had been waiting for was sparked and my mind ignited.

“Damn Storm! Please please just leave me alone. Please go. I don’t want to hear it! I know that you’re all here for me! You have told me like, what, 100 times!” I scream my voice rising until it filled the whole room, pressing down around Storm and myself. The tension between us increase but my body was still running, “I don’t need your pity. I don’t need you to tell me that it is going to be okay. I don’t need your comfort! I don’t want to be babied! I want to be treated like a normal child.” I finally say, this is when I realised that this was the first time that I had actually mentioned to anyone that I wanted to be treated as a normal person. “Please, just treat me like you would treat Mist, or Fawn. Please,”

[/i] I was unable to stop the pleading tone that entered my voice as the last words tumbled from my mouth. [/color]Please, please, please, leave me please, darkness please set me free.

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this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

Last Edit: Jun 11, 2013 2:46:47 GMT -5 by k!ah

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Knuckles
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4,983 POSTS
Pronouns: he/him
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 11, 2013 8:16:26 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 11, 2013 8:16:26 GMT -5

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 22163F; border: CCCCCC solid 1px; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 20px 20px 20px 20px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]

Storm Jay

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Running through the grass trying to hide from the incoming storm are several tiny fairies. The storm grows big around them as they run as fast as they can to safety. It's not safe here for them. The rain threatens to drown them I feel like I'm running into a storm. I look at Red wishing I would have never said anything. My heart pounds rapidly inside my chest. I look away out of the window wishing I was in the forest right now away from this storm that's brewing inside the house.

I know right away I've said the wrong thing to Red. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have said that, but it's the truth. I am here for him, and I will always be here for him. I bring my head to my hands to think about how I can say what I want to say. The tension that rises in the silence is becoming a lot, almost too much to bare. I wish Red could see inside of me what I want to say. I'm afraid of how he will react when I say it. I miss telling him about the fairies and the vampires. I want to go back to the days like that.

I miss sitting on the porch with him telling him about the world that's beyond this world. I wish I was there for him when he lost his sight. I should have been there for him, and I hate that I wasn't. Older siblings are supposed to be there for their younger siblings, but I wasn't there for him. I want this to all change. Anger builds up inside of my chest causing my heart to pound faster. I try to remain calm, but I'm mad at myself. I hate that I wasn't there to save him, and I will find a way to make things right.

"Damn Storm!" He starts screaming. I take a step away from him knowing that I've definitely crossed the line. "Please please just leave me alone. Please go. I don’t want to hear it! I know that you’re all here for me! You have told me like, what, 100 times!” I stand in shock facing Red. I want to scream back, but that isn't the best option now. My heart drops to the floor. My head drops to the floor as shame floods through my veins. There comes a time when I should remain quiet.

“I don’t need your pity. I don’t need you to tell me that it is going to be okay. I don’t need your comfort! I don’t want to be babied! I want to be treated like a normal child.” I look at him wanting to comfort him. I want to run up and hug him, but I decide against it. It's not the best idea right now as he's screaming. But you are normal. I want to say to him. “Please, just treat me like you would treat Mist, or Fawn. Please," I listen as he pleads.

I take a deep breath hoping to keep my voice steady. "I don't want to treat you differently, Red. I really don't. I want to treat you like Mist, and Fawn and everyone else." I know my voice is cracking. I know it's unsteady as I speak, but I hope he knows it's the truth. "I'm not going to baby you. You are very smart and strong. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry Red. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." My voice lowers to almost a whisper.

I look at Red hoping he understands I don't want to treat him differently. Vampires run through the forest with the help of each other. They work in a pack and become like family. "I'm not going to tell you everything will be okay because there's no use in that. My heart pounds faster under my chest as tears form in my eyes. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. I really am. I just want... I just want...." I sigh unsure of how to say it as tears fall down my face.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

[/color][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

k!ah
Retired Staff

4,636 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen Nov 10, 2024 20:35:35 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 12, 2013 5:50:47 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 12, 2013 5:50:47 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

It took, even me, by surprise about how much emotion that had filtered into my voice as I spoke. My voice seem to echo around the room, the tension that seemed to grow even heavier around us seem to press down on me like I had a cement slab held down on my chest, my breathing becoming laboured. I could feel the speed of my heart increase as the silence droned on; I could feel little beads of sweat run down my back, slipping over my skin. Had I said too much? Was he now staring at me like I was a freak? Would he argue with me, tell me that I was wrong, that I had to be babied, that there was no possible way that I could be treated as a normal child my age? The last thought sent shivers of uneasiness through my body, no, he wouldn’t say that, not Storm, the Storm I had known, I reassure myself. As the silence pressed around us I could feel my sad sightless eyes moving around the room, not sure where to look. I know that they move restlessly until finally they came to a halt, where I thought Storm was standing. I wanted him to understand, I wanted him to know how it must have felt to have had the ability to do something, then have it ripped away from you in the matter of moment. To be so powerless. I needed him to understand.

I had so many questions that I wanted to ask, I had so much that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to apologise for yelling at him, I wanted him to know that I had never meant to raise my voice and make him feel uncomfortable, but something held me back. My pride, maybe, but underneath all that I could also feel something else… Something that was much stronger than my sense of pride…The desire for me to be independent. My need to treated as an equal held me back from pouring my heart out, it held me back from so much lately, today was just another day where I felt the need to be the person that I had always acquired to be. I felt the need to be a shadow.

I almost falter at the thought of when I used to be nothing but a shadow. I almost lose myself in remembering the times when I had been nothing but another person in the room. The wave of longing that rolled over me surprised me as I remember the times when I meant nothing to anyone. I was my own person in my own world. The longing instantly evaporates when my mind travel over the times that is more common these days. I remember the countless time when I entered a room only to be meet with silence. I remember how the wave of uneasiness that would roll over me would only increase as I realised that all the eyes in the room were focussed on me. I didn’t have to be able to see to know that all the eyes in the room would fall on me. Most of them shinning with self-pity or concern. It was common sense. If someone was to walk into a room and covered in blood you caused attention. If a blind child was to walk into a room full of people. The noise stops almost instantly and all the eyes would fall onto them as they stumbled across the room, their small frame trying to avoid knocking into things that their sightless eyes couldn’t see.

"I don't want to treat you differently, Red. I really don't. I want to treat you like Mist, and Fawn and everyone else. I'm not going to baby you. You are very smart and strong. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry Red. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” His voice is no louder that a whisper as the last words escape his tired lips. I’m not sure what to say, the rawness of his voice stops me in my tracks, he really did care, I finally think. Someone was really trying to understand. He wanted to know, he wanted to understand what I was going through. He was trying. "I'm not going to tell you everything will be okay because there's no use in that.” His words echo through my head, and I so desperately want to be able o look into his eyes. I so desperately want to know that if he really meant what he was saying, but the darkness around me did not even falter, I was left staring up at him, the darkness concealing his face, his body, everything. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. I really am. I just want... I just want...." His voice trails off and I hear the tears in his voice.

I feel raw on the inside; my body urged me to run to him, to tell him that is was okay, that I forgave him, that I was probably overacting. But I knew that if I was to move to him that I would look like a fool. I would stumble over something and fall and everything that I had just told him would back fire. So instead of moving towards him I hold my ground, my feet planted firmly on the ground. I think about the times when he had comforted me when I was little, he would tuck me into bed, and read one of his favourite stories to me. After a second a thought came to me, and before I knew what I was saying the words were tumbling out of my mouth. “Storm…?” I ask shyly. “Do you- Do you think you could read me a story? Like you used to when I was younger?” I try to keep my voice casual but I could hear the eagerness that filtered into it, turning me into that little boy again.

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 12, 2013 10:06:02 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 12, 2013 10:06:02 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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A lifetime seems to pass before my eyes as tears fall silently down my face. My heart races under my chest hoping the storm stops brewing. My hands tremble at my sides as I try to remain calm. I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's heavy and almost impossible to bare. I can feel my heart pounding in my head and hear the echoes of the familiar sound in the back of my mind. I've never felt tension like this before. I try to remain calm as another silent tear rolls down my face. I wish things were back to the way they were before all this happened.

Frantically, the vampires jump through the trees carelessly at the speed of lightning trying to beat the storm that's forming behind them. The leap of faith they take knowing they can't die as long as the moon is out. The clouds grow darker around them threatening to spill the water inside at any possible minute. The roaring of the thunder the flashes of the lightning that shines brightly in the sky. The race to safety begins now. I could run away and hide in the woods away from all this tension, but I can't make myself move. I should be fleeing from the storm, but it feels like my feet have been glued to the floor.

My voice is stuck in my throat threatening to choke me at any possible minute. I don't know what to say to him. I've lost my words. I've lost them all. I'm left speechless as the last words passed through my lips. I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to see the world around me. I can't imagine what it would be like being able to once enjoy the world full of colors just to have it all taken away. I can't imagine how he must feel. My heart drops to the floor as a wave of sorrow sweeps over me, but it's quickly overcame by anger. Anger at myself for not helping him when he needed the help, for not being there when he needed me the most. Why couldn't it be me?

I remember when we would sit on the porch for hours reading about a world that's perfect. A world I wanted to go to. The world I would visit in my sleep so many nights. I remember the laughter we had when I would pronounce a word wrong. We would laugh for hours as I went through the books with him. I remember the endless hours I spent sitting at the foot of his bed reading to him until he fell asleep. I remember telling him how to escape into the perfect world when his eyes were closed. I remember him running to me wanting me to read to him. He would beg me to read about the world that isn't real. What I would do to have all that back.

Tears form in my eyes threatening to fall down my face again. I don't want to cry, but I miss the days before the tragedy struck. I miss everything about them, and I long for them to come back. I want them all to come back. I don't care that he can't see me anymore because nothing will change the fact that I love him. Nothing will change that I care for him, and I want to treat him like I always have as my little brother. “Storm…?” I look at him when he says my name. Silence consumes me as I wonder what he's going to ask. The sound of my heart echoes in my mind. Th thud th thud. “Do you- Do you think you could read me a story? Like you used to when I was younger?”

My heart skips a beat out of excitement. Out of all the things I expected him to ask, I never expected him to ask me this. I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders lift as the storm passes by without anything that's too damaging. The vampires stop running as the storm passes by them not spilling the rain upon them. The clouds vanish in the sky away from them leaving them surrounded by the darkness. A grin appears on my face from ear to ear. "I would love to." I answer happily. I can feel the excitement rushing through my body as I look at him. I can barely contain myself. I've missed this moment so much. "Which story would you like to hear?" Maybe we both can go to that perfect world together.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 13, 2013 2:35:48 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 13, 2013 2:35:48 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

I know that I must have looked ridiculous, my face shining with keenness, like a child who was about to know that he was getting a puppy for his birthday, but I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t help the excitement that flowered though my veins, I couldn’t help the wave of excitement that enveloped me, making my knees feel weak. Reading and escaping into that world, that world where life was an adventure, where life was a mystery is what I had missed the most. I had missed the way I could sit in my bedroom for hours on end, my mind racing as my eyes zipped over the pages, they used to move so fast, but yet they would endure every words, feel every word. I loved the way books could make my life, so dull and boring, look even worse, if even possible. I loved the way some words could send thrills through me, or how some could make my skin crawl uncomfortable. Words had so much power, so much power to make someone feel a certain way, to make a person behave in a certain way.

I was not sure how Storm would react to my request, but I had the feeling that it would make him feel like I was opening up to him, and he would grasp at it greedily wanting any opportunity of me letting myself let my guard down around him. I knew Storm so well, I knew that it killed him to see me so useless, that it broke his heart to see me wandering around, arms outstretched in front of waiting for them to collide with something, warning me that I had to change directions- almost like one of those zombies in the book that he read. I knew that cut deep to see someone that you loved so lost and not being able to help. I know that he wanted to jump in and lead me to the door, I know that it killed him just to stand back and watch, but I also knew that he knew that I would hate him for it. I also knew that he respected my decisions.

After a few moments, thoughts racing through my mind, making me feel a little dizzy, I realised that maybe I had overreacted when I had screamed at him. Maybe it was my fault that the tension between us had raised to uncomfortable rates. After all, I was the one who refused to let anyone help me, I was too proud, too proud to let people feel anything towards me, I didn’t want them to feel pity for me, I didn’t want them to hurt for me, or concern for me, I had been too proud to realise that it was hard for them to, that my blindness had not only affected me, but also those who loved me. I was too proud to let those who loved me help me. They hated to see me like this, they hated it nearly as much as me, but I had just ignored their hate, seeing it as an act of belittling me. Maybe all this time I had been wrong… Maybe all this time I the gap that had formed between me and my family, was not their fault, but my fault, all because I was too proud, and stubborn.

The thought hit me like a slap in the face. Trying not to cringe I gingerly push them to the back of my mind hiding them before turning my attention back to Storm who had begun speaking, "I would love to." His voice is filled with a happiness that fills me with warmth, I feel it move though my body like water, in a way it was contagious, and as a result a small smile plays at the edges of my lips. It is a foreign feeling, a feeling that I have not felt in a long time. Experimenting I let the small smile that I had been hiding slide onto my small lips. It felt good; it felt good to let the corner of my lips tip up. "Which story would you like to hear?" he asked his voice echoes through my racing thoughts. What story did I want to hear? I hadn’t heard a story in a long time and the excitement that raced through my body was welcomed, it was something that made the darkness that surrounded me, that little but more bearable.

Did I want listen to a story where a prince finds his princess? Or did I want it to be filled with creatures that wander in my dreams, that cause havoc that is so beautiful that it is so hard to hate them. At the moment I couldn’t care less about what story he told me, I only cared that I got the chance to hear that story. “I- I um, don’t mind. Any story. Any story will do.” I say, my small voice is filled with excitement as the words tumble out of my mouth the smile that was plastered on my lips growing ever so slightly. “You choose.” I tell him, my small heart heating faster in my chest. Darkness you may think you have won, but today I am the winner, today the light is in my hands I tell the darkness that surrounds me, it almost seems to laugh, but ever so slightly I feel it lighten a bit. A small shade of light was better than none

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 14, 2013 17:11:55 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 14, 2013 17:11:55 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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My heart pounds excitedly inside my chest. A huge smile appears on my face. It's the small things that make life worth living. It's the small moments that brighten my day, and today is belonging to Red. It takes everything I have to not run up, lift him up, and embrace him in a brotherly hug I've longed to give him. I look at him with a huge smile hoping he can sense how happy I am. It's been a long time since he's ever let me get this close to him. My stomach dances around doing back flips causing me to feel all tingly inside. I will grasp this moment with everything I have, and I won't let go of it.

A lost brother has just returned home to his family after being away defending the palace for a long time. He's welcomed home with arms wide open. He's greeted with laughter and tears. Red has come home. He's been so distant for so long I feel like I barely know him. A small unwanted sound is stuck in my throat as I fight for it to go away. I don't want to ruin this happy moment. I fight my urge to run to him as my mind prances around with thoughts. The family celebrated at his return. A huge feast was prepared for him as they begged him not to go away again. A celebration would be nice, but I will allow myself reading one of his favorite stories to him be that small celebration that is needed.

A lifetime has seemed to pass since I last read a story to him. A lifetime full of sorrow and sadness. A lifetime without sharing the world I want to go to. I can't be angry at him though. I can't be angry because it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault this happened to him. It's my fault for not helping him when he needed me the most.

All the tension has left the air leaving me feeling relaxed. I look at Red as a smile forms on his face. The smile I'm wearing grows bigger. It's been so long since I've seen him smile that I missed it. Butterflies appear in my stomach dancing around, like the fairies that dance in the forest after achieving their goal. I still resist the urge to run up to him and grab him in my arms and carry him through the house although it's hard to resist. I still need to give him the space he needs. I don't want to press myself too close as I don't want to lose this precious moment I have been given.

“I- I um, don’t mind. Any story. Any story will do.” The excitement that fills his voices fills my entire body with warmth I haven't experienced in such a long, long time. The excitement that he has right now couldn't compare to anything I have seen in a long time, not the walks through the rain with Mist, not spying on Fawn or Jabber, not the daredevil acts of Mocking, nothing can't compare to this moment right now. I don't want to spend this moment any other way. This moment belongs to me and Red. I will spend this moment with him as long as it can last. Making memories that will last a life time. “You choose.”

I want to read to him every story I know, but that would take a lifetime worth of talking, and I don't have a lifetime to spare. My mind races with all the stories I know. The stories with the vampires, the stories with the werewolves, the stories with the forest fairies fighting for their kingdom. I know so many. I will read to him the stories that have filled my dreams. My mind races as I try to place the story I want to tell him. Every story I know flies to the front of my mind begging to be told, but I have to pick the perfect story. The story I told to him at night to tuck him in as I explained how to escape into this fantasy world will be the story that I read.

"Do you want to hear the story about the escape to the fantasy world I would read to you when you were younger?" I ask trying to contain my excitement. "The one I would read to tuck you in every night?" Leave this world and travel into the world of the fairies. The only place that will ever be perfect.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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k!ah
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 16, 2013 6:32:44 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 16, 2013 6:32:44 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

I felt a weight be lifted from me as my last words tumble from my mouth. How long had I wanted to ask this? How long had it been since I had actually had the chance to escape into a world of magic a world of light and happiness. My heart seems to feel lighter in my chest as I dance slightly on my feet, eager to hear a story, a story that I have longed to hear in a long time. I wanted it to be like old times, I wanted my life to return to the times when I had no worries where life just flowed, but I knew that that was a useless dream. It was never going to come true. Sighing I tucked the dream far away into my thoughts, not wanting the dark thought o destroy the happiness that flowered in my chest, spreading throughout my whole body. It was a feeling that I had ceased to feel for a long time, and today, I welcomed it, begging for it to become warmer, eager for it to spread all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes.

Storm and I have never really had a close relationship; we had practically nothing in common. Where I liked being in the shadows, being nothing but a darkness in the corner of a room, Storm had difficulty in the presence of others, his shyness always getting the better of him, and causing him to ramble and stutter when put into uncomfortable conditions. Storm was closer to our family, than I will ever be, he liked being in the presence of others. But there is one thing that we both share. We love books. So that’s how our bonding started. Storm used to notice that I would steal his books. At first he would get annoyed, and forbid me to take them, thinking that I was just mocking him. But after a while he realised that I actually like them. He realised that I was actually reading these books for the same reason that he was. To escape.

Books too a person to a world that only the imagination could take you. They took you to a place where only the mind could allow you to go. A place of magic, and happiness, and laughter, joy and creativity. It was amazing, amazing to think of all that places books could take you in the space of a couple hours. My mind thought back to the times where I was taken to the moon. I had watched as the narrator created this new world in front of me. He created a town of fun, and new experiences. He created people who were complex, and others that were simple. He created a whole new perception of life. A world that I longed to be a part of… I long to be able to go to places that no one has ever been before to see things that only a few people have seen. But as I have said before, they were all dreams. I was never going to be able to do all those things. My dreams were never going to come true.

The sound of Storms voice pulls e out of my thoughts and back into the presence. "Do you want to hear the story about the escape to the fantasy world I would read to you when you were younger?" His voice was as eager as I felt and I turn my eyes up to him, think for a moment that I would actually see him, but no, all I saw was the familiar yet frightening darkness that consumed me. It was like he had read my thoughts, and that small smile that was on my lips grew into a larger smile as I stared at him. I wander what Storm could see, would he see the brother that he had missed so much, or does he see a silly looking child?

“Yes! Yes please! That would be great! That would be- well that would be amazing” My voice is laced with excitement, and I clasp my hands behind my back, scared that he would see them shaking. “I-Uh… Storm, thank you. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, you cannot understand how happy this makes me. I- I can’t explain it. Thanks you.” I pull my gaze to the ground a rosy shade of red forming on my small pale cheeks.

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{ooc: I'm so sorry if this post sucks D: </3}

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Last Edit: Jun 16, 2013 6:33:54 GMT -5 by k!ah

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 16, 2013 15:04:53 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 16, 2013 15:04:53 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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My heart dances around inside my chest, like the fairies dancing in the forest. Butterflies dance around in my stomach causing me to feel anxious. A feeling I only feel when I'm unsure of what to do, or say. I can feel my lips turning upwards into a grin that goes from ear to ear. If he could see my smile now, it would be the best day of my life. I'm so excited that Red has asked me to read to him. The excitement in my voice as I speak isn't capable of being hidden. Oh, how I've longed for this day. I never realized how much I missed it until now.

The excitement dances around inside me causing me to feel overwhelmed. I haven't been this excited in a while. I almost forgot how it felt to be excited.I feel tears of joy forming in my eyes threatening to fall down my face. My mind races through all the stories that I could tell him. The story of the fairies in the fight against the evil forest fairies, or the one of the vampires fighting against the humans, or the werewolves in a fight against the vampires as they are mortal enemies. All the stories that I can tell him flows to the front of my mind. I have to pick the best story for him just like the good ole days.

Has it really been that long since I've tucked him in at night? It seems like a lifetime of dreams I have missed, but I'm finally getting to return to the dream. I remember the last night I sit at his bed reading to him. The story I read to him pops in the front of my mind as my heart shatters into a million pieces. I told him of the perfect world I wanted to escape to. I shared with him how perfect it was, and how different it is from here.Go away bad memories. I don't need you right now. I only need the excited memories that I'm forming right now.

I dance happily on my toes watching the smile that forms on Red's face. He's like a little child in a candy factory. Like the fairies dancing at night. I push the anger at myself away not wanting it to ruin this moment. This moment that belongs to us, me and Red. I don't want anything to change it.My face brightens up as I watch him. A huge wave of happiness drops over me flooding into my veins. Running forward to hug him over and over would be the thing I would do like now. I don't think he would appreciate it though. I don't want to over step the line that could break at any moment. To celebrate this now is the best thing ever. I want this to be an every night thing that happens. I want to share this fantasy world with him forever.

I remember one night I read to him about the fairies going to war. He listened with excitement eagerly wanting to know the ending. I remember the warm feeling it gave me inside as I read to him. I remember how my voice would change as I went through the action that filled the book. The tone and pitch of my voice varied through the book depending on what was happening. I could make it sad when a sad part was happening, I could make it happy when a happy part was happening, and I could put the excitement in my voice as the climax of the story peaked. I have won. I've won back the love my younger brother once had for me, and I'm not going to let it slip from my grasp again.

“Yes! Yes please! That would be great! That would be- well that would be amazing!" I can feel the excitement escape through the smile formed on his lips as the smile on his face grows bigger. I might not be able to fix his eyes, but I can make his life easier by giving him the escape world. “I-Uh… Storm, thank you. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, you cannot understand how happy this makes me. I- I can’t explain it. Thanks you.”

Out of excitement I jump for joy. I can't believe this day is happening to me. I will read the story of the escape from this world to him. My heart prances under my chest causing the smile on my face to grow larger. "I- you're welcome Red." I reply excitedly. Dance around the fire shouting and singing at the victory, the forest fairies have nothing to fear for a while. I walk up next to him and kneel down in front of him. I place a hand on his shoulder gently letting him know I'm right beside him. "You can pick where I read the story to you."

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 18, 2013 4:25:55 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 18, 2013 4:25:55 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

The embarrassment that surges through my body is something that I am used to. I am used to the way my cheeks light up to the colour of a tomato. I am used to the way I drop my eyes to the ground, determined not to look at anyone, determined to keep my gaze planted on the ground. But this was different. The feeling of my cheeks lighting up felt different to the way they would if I may have knocked into a wall when wandering down the hallway. The feeling of my stomach doing little flips in my stomach was a feeling I only ever felt when I was nervous. That’s when I realised that I actually was nervous. I was nervous to think what Storm would think of me. I was nervous about hearing a story. I wanted to hear one so much, more than anything else in the world.

But I was nervous that they would be the same. What if they were different. What if I didn’t get to escape like the old time? What if the darkness that held me to this world, was also the darkness that would hold me back from escaping into the world of magic? What if I was bound to this world forever, never ever being able to experience the lives of those in the books ever again? Fear slivered through my veins turning my thoughts into ice, and ice that made my body freeze. I did not just with excitement. I did not move a muscle, I couldn’t. My whole world had frozen. Frozen on the thought that I would be trapped in this world of darkness forever. Trapped into thinking that I would never be able to escape into a fantasy world ever again.

But just when I thought that life could be no worse I remember something. I was not bound to this world of darkness. There was light in my dreams. In my dreams I was able to escape the world of darkness. I was able to enter a world that I could have all to myself. So why wouldn’t I be able to when hearing a story. Suddenly my thought became much lighter, and the enthusiasm that had flooded my body before crashed over my body once more, filling me with warmth and happiness.

“I- you're welcome Red." The sound of my brother’s voice enabled me to drag my gaze from the floor, and up to where I thought I would be able to see his face if I was not blind. A small embarrassed smile forms on my lips. My hands slip in front of me, my fingers ringing around each other shyly, I was never used to these situations, to situations where I showed others that I appreciated what they did for me, because usually I resented it, usually I resented it when people told me how sorry they were for me. For me to tell Storm that I appreciated the things he was about to do for me, was a big leap, a big leap out of my usual mopey behaviour.

The warmth of his hand on my shoulder makes me freeze for a moment, my body tensing under the touch of someone else. But after a few moments I force my body to relax, I force the tension that had built up in my body to disappear, I let my body feel comfortable with the touch of my brother. For as long as I could remember, whenever someone was to touch me, I would tense up and cringe, I would pull away the face of a faceless man flashing in my vision. I would feel hands, that weren’t actually there, creep up my legs towards places where I did not appreciate being touched. I would feel their breath on my face, as though the stood no more than a few centimetre from me. I would hear that laugh, that laugh that haunted me dreams. Every time someone touched me I would experience it all over again. I would experience the night I was trying to forget.

"You can pick where I read the story to you." His voice is gentle as the words slip from his mouth. I try to pull myself away from the thoughts of that night by replacing them with the thoughts about my escape world. Just think of the magic. Just think of the happiness. Forget the night. That night is not important, not at the moment, I coax myself. The thought slipped further and further into the depth of my mind until I pushed it all the way out.

I barley think about the question before the words are spilling from my mouth. “On the porch, I want to be able to feel the breeze on my face. I want to be able to hear the bird in the trees. I want to be able to experience it all.” I say my voice becoming more excited as the last words escape my lips. Without think I make the first move towards the door, only I must not have moved towards the door because I run into a hard object, one that makes pain surge through my body. The darkness around me seems to laugh, and you thought that you were winning this battle? It laughed its cruel words sliding through my mind like ice.

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Knuckles
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Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 18, 2013 16:36:08 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 18, 2013 16:36:08 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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I immediately regret placing my hand on his shoulder. I haven't done that in a while, and I wish I wouldn't have done it now. I can feel the tension rising in his body, and I move my hand right away. I frown slightly knowing I could have easily just crossed the small line I've been trying not to cross. It makes me angry at myself knowing I've messed up, but I try to keep my heart rate down not wanting him to hear the loud, rapid beats against my chest. I shouldn't have done that. I definitely shouldn't have done that. I take a small step back not wanting to be close to him if he has a sudden fit of anger.

I feel bad for him. I really do, but I can't afford to tell him that. I don't want to tell him as I know the outcome. He wouldn't want me to read a story to him, and he wouldn't open up to me anymore. I won't lose this moment that I've managed to win over. Don't say anything that can be regretted later. I can't imagine what it would be like being trapped in my own body unable to do anything. I know that I wouldn't want anyone to pity me. I know that I would want to try to do everything by myself, and I would probably not open up to anyone. It would be a task I don't think I could accomplish. I'm nothing without my books.

A fairy lost from it's pack trapped in the forest is helpless and hopeless, but he refuses help from the other creatures around. I look away from Red for a moment afraid he might read my mind if I'm staring at him, plus staring is extremely rude. I know he can't see me, but the thought of it isn't a pleasant one. "Never stare at someone. It's very rude, and disrespectful." I remember mom telling me this when I stared at people in public. It would aggravate her so much. I will never forget her facial expression. Instead of looking at Red, I find a place on the wall and stare at it allowing my eyes to shift to Red occasionally.

“On the porch, I want to be able to feel the breeze on my face. I want to be able to hear the bird in the trees. I want to be able to experience it all.” Hearing Red say the porch excites me. I enjoy reading on the porch especially when it rains. I love listening to the wind blow through the trees. I love listening to the birds singing high in the sky, though, there aren't many birds here in District Nine, you're lucky to catch the occasional bird. I love fighting against the wind to keep the pages of my book down so I don't lose my place. I love watching Mist dance through the rain as I sit on the porch reading. I really enjoyed reading on the porch with Red.

I look at Red who has an amazing smile on his face. I'm so grateful to see this smile on his face. I'll cherish this moment forever. I will always bring this picture to the front of my mind when I'm in need of a smile myself. Seeing this smile on Red's face makes me want to run up and hug him yet again. I've been fighting this situation ever since he asked me to read to him. I know it's not worth it, and I can probably hug him later if he allows me. I try as hard as I can to push that thought out of my mind and turn my attention back to Red just in time to watch him try to step to the door only he moves the wrong way and hits the same counter he did earlier.

What can I say to him? I don't want to press my luck. I can try to help him reach the door, or I can just let him feel blindly through the air to reach. I don't know what to do. I wish this was easier. I'm stuck yet again in this extremely confusing moment. I can feel the adrenaline surging throughout my veins as my mind begs me not to make things worse. I turn and face the door to get the general direction of it. I turn back and face Red. I fight myself not wanting to say what I'm going to say, but it's the best I can do to help him without leading him by the hand. "What do you need me to do?" I ask calmly hoping it's not too much.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

k!ah
Retired Staff

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#expensivetrash

Losing (f a i t h)//emsrock Jun 25, 2013 23:00:49 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 25, 2013 23:00:49 GMT -5

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Lost and scared...
Losing what he most desires...
...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND....
Red Jay

The heat that rises to my cheeks turns that a light pink as I drag my gaze to the floor. Why, why had I been so ignorant, so stupid, to actually think that I could be treated normal for a moment? The realisation of the situation came tumbling down on me, like a fountain of stones. All that progress I had made with Storm, all that distance we had gone, was lost. One silly movement has been sent it crashing down in one huge heap. All the excitement that had built up in my body was gone. I was almost like a balloon. I had been blown up, filled with excitement and happiness and anticipation. Now I was deflated. Empty.

I want to run, I want to leave this room, leave Storm, and everything else in this house. I want to be free. To be able to escape. I want to forget everything that had happened. Would it have been any easier if I had not had the gift of vision before having it taken away from me? Would I have been happier, would I be a different person to who I was now? The questions bounce around impatiently through my mind, demanding answers, answers that I could not find. Would it have been easier? Would I be a better person? I beg the questions to leave me alone, I beg them to leave. But they don’t. They stay. They taunt me. Raging through my mind, becoming louder and louder.

"What do you need me to do?" Storms concerned voice breaks through the raging questions, forcing them to dull down, to almost stop. First I am relieved to hear his voice. Relieved that the questions have stop; that I was in my own head again, controlling my thoughts. Then the realisation of the question hit me, and a burst of rage so strong formed in my chest that I almost stumbled. Here we go again. We were back to the beginning, back to the start of the day, back to when I was the poor little boy who was blind, who always needed the help of others.

“Haven’t you been listening?” I scream at him. I thought that he understood, I thought that he had realised that I just wanted to be treated like Mist, or Mocking, or Violet. “I thought you understood.” I sigh, my body slumping slightly. Why couldn’t he just act like it hadn’t happened, like I had not run into anything? Why couldn’t he just pretend that I wasn’t this useless boy that always needed help?. “I don’t need you to do anything. I don’t need nothing. From any of you. I am capable of doing things- doing things on my own. Hell I have been trying for three years now, and I think I have done a pretty good job.” My voice is laced with rage, as it falls from my lips and into the space that separated me and Storm.

As soon as the silence slips over us I know that I have said things that I would regret. I know that I have been too harsh. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault that he felt this desire to help me, I was a boy who looked helpless and young on the outside, and sometimes that was hard to see past. “Storm… I’m sorry.” I say, hoping to loosen the tension that had been forming ever so heavy between the two of us. “Can we just forget that this happened? You know rewind a couple of minutes?” I ask hopefully, hope springing up in my chest, fighting away some of the anger that still lingered.