Mourning Jay [Jay Family Reaction]

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Kire
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Mourning Jay [Jay Family Reaction] Jul 4, 2013 1:14:15 GMT -5

Post by Kire on Jul 4, 2013 1:14:15 GMT -5

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Does, Says, Thinks, Accented, (Comments)

It had all happened too fast and too slow at the same time. He had just had a moment to breathe after the name of the female tribute was called, (thankful that it wasn't one of his sisters,) when the male tribute's name was called. "Jabber Jay," rolled the escort's overly-cheerful voice, breaking the feeling of relief Wess had been having into pieces. Swallowing hard, he had watched as his younger cousin walked up onto the stage, (taking on his role as tribute as every other Jay watched in horror.) Wess knew his family would be devastated, especially Fawn, but he found himself frozen in place, unable to take the place of Jabber because there was something inside of him that told him not to. (Actually, more than one gut instinct told him no, but each reason was different and some felt entirely wrong.)

Jabber was a big boy, at sixteen he wouldn't be the youngest one out there and would stand a chance. (Besides, Wess was sure his cousin would hold a vendetta against him for taking his place, even if it was saving his life.) At least it hadn't been Mocking that had been reaped, the fool would try to do too many dangerous things and could end up paying for them really quickly. (Still, Jabber might annoy his fellows enough that they might not want to be around him any longer.) They would either leave him alone, or dead. Either way, his chances from that point would be small. Chances were small as it was, (as only one tribute came out of the Games alive and there were twenty-four of them in all that means only a one in twenty-four shot of making it out,) at best. The odds against tributes from the lower Districts were much greater than those of the higher Districts, and as a boy who didn't do much in the way of exercise he would have a hard time keeping up with the Careers.

Wess knew it was hopeless, (the fact that he couldn't remember the last victor from District nine verifying his thoughts,) and wasn't especially keen on watching his cousin die though he knew that even for a hopeless optimist like Jabber there had to be something inside of him that was saying he probably wouldn't come back. This would be a painful Games for him, (though it was not as if the others hadn't caused him any grief,) and the thought that he was going to watch his own cousin in the middle of the chaos and horror gave no comfort to the matter. Maybe even hopeful Jabber would lose his light in such a dark place. He didn't want that to ever happen but every candle falls to darkness eventually, whether they burn themselves out or are snuffed.

He also didn't want to die, (that's one thing that had stopped him,) he loved his cousin but his life meant a lot to him too. There was no way he could give up his life for him, however much he might think it would help. He knew that however small of a chance that Jabber had, he would have no better. There was no sense pretending that just because he was almost three years older that he would be better than his cousin in the arena. (In fact, Wess had the feeling that he would be worse, losing himself in the chaos as all organization shattered around him.) Organization was his life force, and without it he would be nothing but lost in a place he couldn't understand around people who would be happy to have one more person out of the way so they might have a slightly better chance at getting home.

Another reason was his family would lose a Jay either way, (whether he volunteered or no,) so neither event would change the fact that they had broken hearts. (Perhaps, though, it might have been a gift to Fawn, who would now not have Jabber to love her anymore.) Maybe it was better this way, then. The last justification, the one that made him sick to acknowledge, was telling him that he didn't want to take Jabber's place because life would be better without him. Disgusted with himself, he tried to get rid of the notion, but thoughts supporting it started to rise to the front of his mind. Fawn, (the main reason,) in love with her own cousin. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't right. Wess had disapproved of it as soon as he had found out, and not merely because he felt it was a brotherly thing to do. It just ground against his divisions between family and lovers in a way that drove him crazy. They had to be one or the other, (and with Jabber living under the same roof using the same last name and treating all of them as siblings rather than cousins,) there was no option for them but family.

Also, Jabber annoyed Wess. He talked too much, not letting anyone say a word as he yammered on about things that Wess didn't usually care about. His optimism could be so tiresome sometimes, (going to a point of tedium when he never stopped talking about what made him happy.) With him in the Games the house would be so much quieter, (aside from Mocking's whoops and yells while he tried to perform stunts and the crying that would be going on during the Games.) The terrible crying that would always remind him that he didn't do anything. Those sobs that would continue to call attention to the fact that he could have saved Jabber, sobs that he would try to reason away with facts or ideas while in the darkest corner of his mind he would be glad he didn't. Even still, (just the thought of the teary looks of his siblings gave him the need to explain himself to them before they started to accuse him,) which he knew they would do. How could they not, older brothers were supposed to protect the family and as the eldest he should have done something, right?

Wanting to make sure they knew, (hoping they would understand but thinking they wouldn't,) he tried to gather everyone to the dining room table, his parents included. When all of the chairs except for Jabber's were filled, (an awkward silence surrounding the open seat,) Wess stood up. "We need to talk about this," his hand flicking to point at the empty chair as if everyone needed clarification, "not tomorrow or the next day, but right now. The longer we wait the more our sorrows will drag us down. After all, if we wait to say these things until after Jabber dies..." he hesitated, realizing that he had just made it sound like he thought Jabber would die. Quickly he added, "if he dies," not sure if anyone was convinced that he thought Jabber had a chance, (but he left that for them to decide.) There were so many emotions in him that even he didn't know. "then we will never be able to accept ourselves or his death."

He let his words sit for a minute, then took a deep breath and tried to think of how he would explain himself. "I, personally, want to apologize - to you all, and to Jabber - for not stepping up as my role of older brother. I let him down because I was too wrapped up in my own fear." He looked from face to face, not knowing what kind of a reaction his words would get. His mouth forming a tight line, he searched for one more thing to say. (There was something missing, a closing of some sort, he could feel it.) The problem was trying not to say the wrong thing. "I'm sorry." Feeling like had been laid bare, he sat, muttering to no one in particular, "I may as well have been the one to draw his name."

He sat in silence, (waiting for something to happen and avoiding the eyes of his family.) As much as he had revealed to them there was so much more he could say, most of it things he didn't want them to hear. Withdrawing into himself in an attempt to comfort himself with logic and organization he once again calculated Jabber's odds in his head, (a poor attempt at satisfying the need to be justified in his thinking.) Wondering if anyone was going to speak after him, he raised his head slowly, still avoiding eye contact as he aimlessly looked around the table. His eye was caught by the empty chair, the memories to Jabber sitting there rising to the surface before he brushed them away and his cousin was once again gone. The little part of him that had wanted Jabber gone smiled.

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Tags: Jays | Words: 1469
Other: Wow, that was a lot darker than I thought it was going to be.

Last Edit: Jul 4, 2013 13:17:11 GMT -5 by Kire

On hills and waves on stormy days.

Knuckles
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Mourning Jay [Jay Family Reaction] Jul 4, 2013 12:43:25 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jul 4, 2013 12:43:25 GMT -5

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Storm Jay

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I hold a book in front of my face willing myself to drift into the perfect world away from everything. My eyes scan fast across the pages trying to make myself get away from District nine. I want to be lost in the world where the fairies exist, where I'll be able to do anything I want to. I can jump from the highest point of each tree landing on another tree perfectly. I can dance with the fairies that are hiding in the grass of the woods. I can run with the vampires exploring at night like they do. Everything is perfect. I don't have to worry about the reaping or anything like that. I can live happily ever after like all the books end, but my book doesn't end like that. My life book doesn't have a happily ever after ending. It has a sad, shattered ending.

My eyes are stained red from all the tears that have drifted past my eyelids. My eyes burn from all the tears that have flown like a river down my face. My cheeks puffy, red from wiping the tears away from my eyes so much. The salty taste of the tears dripping into my mouth just forces me to cry much more. My nightmare that I dreamed came true. I never thought it was possible, and I want this to all be a nightmare, but I know deep inside it's not. Loud sobs escape from my mouth as I lay on my bed crying until I feel like I couldn't cry anymore, but the river is flowing. The flood gates have been opened, and the tears just keep coming.

Why did Jabber have to be reaped? Why does he have to be sent to the arena where is death is almost imminent? Why couldn't anyone volunteer to save him? It doesn't make sense. I want him to be home with us. I lay face down on the pillow with his name echoing through my mind as it slipped past the escorts lips. I constantly replay the horror that filled my insides causing me to double over in pain. I can see the terrified look on his face as he slowly walked towards the stage. My stomach dances around inside me twisting and turning with every movement I watched him make. My heart leaps under my chest jumping into my throat choking me.

(The vampires stop running through the forest to unite with each other mourning over the loss of a fellow vampire. He was ripped away from them, and they were unable to stop him from dying.) The pain of losing Jabber feels too unreal. I watched all the hearts shatter at the justice building as they said goodbye. All the hearts, including mine, shattered into a million pieces as the mirror crashed onto the ground. Nothing will mend mine. It's shattered hopelessly into millions of tiny pieces becoming a huge puzzle to put back together. Nobody can mend it not even time itself.

A loud sob escapes through my lips filling the space around me. I scream into the space around me with my body full of pain. I want him to win. I want Jabber to come home. I need him to come home. We all need him to come home, but it might not be possible. I'm not sure if him coming home would be the best. This will change him forever, and I'm not sure I'd want to meet the new Jabber, but right now he's being ripped away from us all, and I can't do anything about it. I'm powerless. I'm confused. I'm lost in the woods away from everyone calling for them to come get me, but the attempts go unnoticed. Jabber, please come home. I know you can win. You can do it. Please just come home.

I look at the book that's laying on the side of my bed. The pages are opened. I pick it up and read it only to have my heart shattered once more. (The fairies just lost one of their brothers in the fight for good and evil. Tears dance down their faces falling onto the ground forming a river around them.) The pain surges through my body causing me to tremble all over. I throw the book in the floor not wanting to look at it. It's not worth trying to escape from this world right now. The pain is just to much to bare. "Please Jabber, come home." I whisper quietly under my breath not wanting anyone to hear me.

I stare at the wall willing myself to go to sleep, to forget about everything that happened, but I can't. My mind is numb. I'm unable to think, unable to move. My heart pounds in my chest echoing into my head causing me to bring my hands to cover my ears. I scream begging it to stop, but the noise only gets louder with each movement I make. Please go away. Just leave me alone. I don't want to think of you. I slam my fist into the wall begging everything to stop. Pain surges through my hand into my arm. The tears that were falling steadily down my arm fall faster dripping to the floor into a puddle. A puddle of tears to mend the shattered heart that lies with it.

My thoughts are shut off when Wess, my oldest brother, decides to call a meeting. I don't want to attend a stupid meeting. I just want to stay in bed crying myself to sleep to drown in the river I'm forming. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be left alone. I never imagined I would feel like this. He's just trying to help. He's trying to make sense of the recent events that happened. I wish I knew how to explain what happened, but I don't know how. The adrenaline surges through my body causing me to feel awake and alive. I decide it'll be best to see what Wess wants. I slowly walk out of my room and head towards the dining room where I'll probably still cry my eyes out.

I sit down in the dining room with the rest of my family. I stare at the empty chair that belongs to Jabber, and pain rises into my chest. I let out a loud, uncontrollable sob. Guilt quickly follows the pain that rises. More tears slip out of my eyes falling onto the table as my stomach dances inside me. The fairies dance with my insides twisting them into a mess making me feel sick. I look away from the seat hoping if I turn back Jabber will be sitting there, but he's not. He won't be. He might never be sitting there ever again. I wish today never happened. Hatred builds up inside of me at the escort for drawing his name. It could have been anyone else's name, and I wouldn't care, as long as it wasn't any of my family.

"We need to talk about this," Wess begins. "not tomorrow or the next day, but right now. The longer we wait the more our sorrows will drag us down. After all, if we wait to say these things until after Jabber dies..." The pain of my heart shattering happens again quickly like a mirror breaking. The wounds of Jabber possibly dying hasn't been enough to break me already. I'm lost, and torn. I wish I could understand why this happened. Why he might be dancing with the fairies soon. "if he dies, "then we will never be able to accept ourselves or his death." I wipe the tears away to listen to him hoping he can at least calm me down.

I sit there listening to Wess apologize for not volunteering for him. He tells us it's his fault, but I know deep inside it's not his fault. He wasn't the one that drew his name out of the bowl. It wasn't him who announced his name for all of Panem to hear. It wasn't him. It wasn't me. It wasn't any of us. He shouldn't be apologizing to us. Jabber is the one he needs to apologize to, but it's still not his fault. It's not his fault at all. "I may as well have been the one to draw his name." I can feel the tears forming in my eyes again. I fight them away trying to stay strong for the rest of the family, but it's not worth it anymore.

"Wess, it's not your fault. You weren't the one that stuck your hand in the bowl and drew out the name. The bloody escort drew his name. We can't sit here blaming ourselves for something we had no control over. We need to be strong for each other. We need to be strong for Jabber." I speak before I've even thought about what I wanted to say. I'm just tired of people apologizing for something they didn't do. It's starting to tick me off. I know my voice is going to cut through the silence like a double edge sword piercing someone's chest. "We need to be here for each other if Jabber dies. I'm not sure Jabber would have appreciated any of us volunteering for him. I think it would have only caused him to hate us."

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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Words: 1558

lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

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Mourning Jay [Jay Family Reaction] Jul 4, 2013 17:26:40 GMT -5

Post by Sage on Jul 4, 2013 17:26:40 GMT -5

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Fawn Jay

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
just prayin to a god that I don't believe in
cuz I got time while he's got freedom
cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

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Does

Thinks Someone else says says[/size][/center]
[ooc: Writing in first person for this]
I couldn't sleep. Lying in bed, I tossed and turned, feeling the walls around me closing in, suffocating me until there was almost no breath left in my lungs. Every time I closed my eyes, images of possible deaths Jabber could go through played behind my eyes, forcing my eyes open in fear. I didn't want Jabber to die. I didn't want to have to watch him take his last breath on the screen of our old tv that barely even worked, not even able to say good bye and comfort him as he left this world. I knew he would die, I just hadn't wanted to admit it to myself. He's not going to die as comforting as the thought was, I knew it was a delusional thought. There was only a slight chance he'd be able to survive. Actually, a one in twenty four chance, the odds, I knew weren't in his favour but that didn't mean I couldn't have some hope. Hope was what would get me through the next few days, what would help me cope with losing him, it was the hope that he would come home to me and we would be alright.

I tossed and turned for about another hour or so before giving up entirely on sleep and decided to get up. I padded downstairs, my socked feet barely making a sound, and went to the fridge. I opened it and found a favorite drink of mine inside. It was a fruity drink that Jabber had introduced me to a few years ago and I still loved it to this day. I felt a tear fall down my face as I poured a cup of it and gulped it down, enjoying the sweet taste of it. Still as good as the first time I tried it I thought, putting the cup on the counter. I padded into the living room, the entire room bathed in moonlight from the almost full moon and sat down on the couch where only a few days before I'd been sitting with Jabber as I'd read. Was it only a few days ago, it seems like so long I curled up on the couch, finding the old blanket that often hung on the back of it and wrapped it around my shoulders. I didn't want to fall asleep and the drink I'd had had woken me up. My mind buzzed, not something that was really helpful but oh well. I'd have to live with it. I looked around the room, it looked completely different during the night than it did during the day, more sinister. I suddenly felt lonely, very lonely. Normally, I didn't feel lonely but now, with everyone asleep and the boy I loved gone, I felt oh so very alone.

I stayed there on the couch for most of the night, not sleeping but just staring into the darkness, unable to speak because I knew that if I spoke, I would break. I would break down and I would start crying. I rocked back and forth slowly, my legs pulled up to my chest and my eyes staring vacantly at the far wall. I knew that if any of my siblings found me like this, they would instantly be concerned. They knew I loved Jabber, in fact most of the family, save for my parents knew. He will come back he has to I told myself, watching as the sun began to creep through the curtains of the window. I'd been up all night. I knew I probably looked like hell but that was what I felt like. I felt as if my world had been shattered into millions of pieces and knew that nothing could glue it back together.

It was later that I heard my oldest brother Wess come down the stairs and into the kitchen. He called a family meeting and I decided I might at well get up. I unfolded myself from my spot on the couch and wandered into the kitchen where the rest of the family was gathered. I took my usual spot but felt a stab of pain in my heart when I noticed Jabbers empty chair. I would need my whole family to help me get through this. "We need to talk about this" Wess said. "not tomorrow or the next day, but right now. The longer we wait the more our sorrows will drag us down. After all, if we wait to say these things until after Jabber dies..." he continued. At the after Jabber dies, I felt as if someone had punched me in the gut. Wess quickly edited what he'd said. "if he dies" that sounded better, more hopeful but I had a hard time believing that Wess thought Jabber would come back. "then we will never be able to accept ourselves or his death" he said. I knew he was right, I wouldn't be able to accept his death if we didn't all discuss this.

"I, personally, want to apologize - to you all, and to Jabber - for not stepping up as my role of older brother. I let him down because I was too wrapped up in my own fear." He sounded very sorry but I knew that Jabber wouldn't have let any of us volunteer. Had I volunteered, he would have probably killed me. For Wess to Volunteer would have been even worse. I knew the two of them didn't get along well and I also knew that he'd disapproved of our relationship. "I'm sorry. " he said, looking miserable. I heard him mutter "I may as well have been the one to draw his name." I wanted so badly to tell him that he was wrong but Storm beat me to it.
"Wess, it's not your fault. You weren't the one that stuck your hand in the bowl and drew out the name. The bloody escort drew his name. We can't sit here blaming ourselves for something we had no control over. We need to be strong for each other. We need to be strong for Jabber." He sounded so wise for only being fourteen. I knew we all had to be strong, we all had to get through this as a family, it would be what Jabber wanted. I felt myself smile as I looked at the family. We will get through this I told myself. "We need to be here for each other if Jabber dies. I'm not sure Jabber would have appreciated any of us volunteering for him. I think it would have only caused him to hate us." Storm said. I nodded in agreement.

We were silent for a few moments before I spoke. "I just want to say that I feel like I should have gone in with him. If I could go back in time and volunteer to take that other girls place I would have but I know that Jabber would never speak to me again if I'd done so. I just wish him leaving us didn't hurt so much" I said, feeling a single tear fall down my face. It hurt to see the empty chair where normally he should have been. It made my heart ache and feel as if it were breaking all over again. "He will win, I know he will, but if he doesn't, We will still have each other to turn to." I said, feeling hollow and my energy from the night before was gone. I sat in silence and looked down at my hands, remembering how soft Jabbers hands had felt in mine.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
what am I supposed to say

when I'm all choked up and you're okay
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Mourning Jay [Jay Family Reaction] Jul 7, 2013 22:49:15 GMT -5

Post by ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ on Jul 7, 2013 22:49:15 GMT -5

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Every number was dancing its way slowly and painfully across my sight of vision. For the first time in a really long time, none of the numbers made sense and they weren’t trying to fall into a specific place. They were just floating around like they had no purpose. I was glad it wasn’t one of my siblings reaped and was I so wrong to be happy about that, but Jabber was still a part of the family and watching him in the arena was going to be painful. Nobody else was in the room as I lay in my bed and just stared at the mattress above me. I was so sure that Wess would have entered the room, told me to stop sulking, and to be with the rest of the family but all the while avoiding Ma’s persistence. But he was still doing who knows what and I would only keep staring.

It was three years since the chatterbox moved in with us. Three years of me trying to dodge any conversation and hoping that it will just end somehow. But now that it’s actually happening… maybe I was wrong to wish that. My relationship with Jabber was simple yet complicated. We were cousins and after his parents died, he moved in with us. We treated each other like extended family and we never had much time to have a heart-to-heart because his mouth would lead him in a different direction and I was too lazy to make an effort. I would have been fine with that if he and Fawn hadn’t decided that they were “in love” with each other. Oh, they thought they had done a good job hiding their relationship, and it was true that they initially did. But numbers didn’t lie and my brothers were observant enough to see it too. No one else really talked about it, so I never knew how many of my siblings did know, but among the older boys, it was definitely a topic of conversation.

I didn’t approve of the relationship because the numbers were just all wrong. Sure, I knew they were capable of falling in love with each other as 68.3428 told me, but what I saw between them I didn’t like. Mocking naturally approved but he was an idiot and I rarely took him seriously. And Wess, well, he wasn’t as open about it, but he did say that he thought the relationship was wrong as well. So how were we all reacting to Jabber being reaped? I knew Fawn was devastated and so were the younger ones as Jabber really did become an older brother to them, but what about those of us who were older and could have volunteered for him? I remembered hearing his crying, seeing the numbers augment as we walked to where he was waiting in the Justice Building, and I remembered the mixture of guilt and relief that washed over me as I stared at that door.

I was nice—tried to be nice—as I said my words to Jabber, but a part of me wondered what would have happened if I was sitting in his place. If I had said I would volunteer. I had been too preoccupied, too much in shock at the reaping to comprehend what had happened when his name was drawn, but if I was thinking clearly, would I have volunteered for him? The question continued to mill in my head as the numbers were starting to fall into place, no doubt calculating the chances for the both of us. Lazily, I swatted at them, stopping the calculation before it could tell me the answer. Yes, they would have told me if I had made the right decision, but I wasn’t ready to accept that moral responsibility.

There was a knock on the door and a soft voice telling me that Wess had called the family to the dining room table, something that puzzled me. Once the family had gotten back to the house, we all went our separate ways in order to cope with the situation we were in. I was so sure that some of the younger ones were crying, that I didn’t know what Wess was trying to do by gathering us all there. Still, I made a huge effort to push myself off my bed and walk over to the table. Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to be able to avoid Ma there. Everyone slowly filed in, some with red eyes and others with a solemn face. C’mon, Wess, let’s just get this over with.

He really did surprise me with his speech. I knew my older brother to be one of order, disapproving of chaos. Even if he had done his brotherly duty, he wouldn’t have lasted in the Games with all the chaos that the Gamemakers threw at him. Before I could have responded with my own set of apologies, Storm spoke up. Seeing him be so strong made me want to smile at him, to encourage him, but all that showed up was a pathetic excuse of a smile that would have encouraged no one. He was right, though: we had to be there for one another.

Then Fawn spoke up, surprising me even more. For what felt like the first time in a really long time, my shy siblings were speaking up and having the first say in the family; Jabber being reaped must have really affected them. What Fawn said, though, angered me slightly. “Fawn,” I said strongly, using the brotherly voice that I hadn’t used in a long time. My hands were balled up into fists, refusing to believe she even suggested volunteering so she could be with him in the arena. But I couldn’t be angry. I couldn’t be angry about their relationship, about how much she cared; that wasn’t the brotherly thing to do. “If you had volunteered, the family would be feeling worse knowing that both of you are gone. A hundred percent. That would have represented the chance that we would lose a family member.” Fuming, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before continuing. I couldn’t let my anger get in the way. “He will come back. He’s strong. But we can’t turn back time and we can’t think about the ‘what if’s—not if we want to support him completely.” Was I able to do that, though? Was I really able to not think of all the alternate scenarios that could have happened?

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STELLAR JAY | JAY FAMILY PLOT | PLAY BY: TOM HUGHES