Shattering the thin veil of control[standalone]

Fawn Jay

No! He couldn't be dead! He wasn't allowed to be dead! Your eyes must be playing tricks, it was impossible that such a brilliant star could be snuffed out that quickly, yet you couldn't ignore what the tv screen told you. You watched as the monsters on the screen attacked him almost all at once, ganging up on him so that he didn't even stand a chance. This infuriated you. You looked at Jabber, broken and bleeding on the ground in that dreaded arena and felt a pain in your chest as you watched him die. This is what it feels like when a heart breaks you thought, your eyes filling with tears. He made a final speech before shocking everyone in your family by admitting his love for you and you felt the tears that were filling your eyes turn to anger. Why? Why did he have to announce that? You were so furious that you almost didn't hear him say he was sorry for not coming home and that you needed to move on. I hate them all, those monsters that took him from me You turned away from the tv, not able to look at the images on screen as the bloodbath ended and the cannons finally started to ring out.

Walking into your room, you found the mirror that Jabber had given you a few years ago and picked it up, anger filling you. You threw it onto the hardwood floor and it shattered, making a tinkling sound like the music you loved so much. One of the shards of mirror caught you in the shin and you winced, watching the blood run down your leg. It was slightly fascinating, Physical pain to make the emotional pain go away. You smiled darkly and picked up one of the broken shards of glass, feeling the pain as it cut your palm. It was better than the pain and anger you felt inside though, easier to deal with. Physical pain faded over time but the emotional pain would take a very long time to heal. You dropped the mirror, the blood on your hands making your grip on it slip. It tinkled on the ground but you didn't mind, it was probably better there. You ran into the bathroom, realizing how this would look to the rest of the family and wet a cloth, soaking up the blood on your leg and on your palm before wrapping it up and going back into your room.

Your dreams that night are haunted by the taunting laughs of the monsters who'd killed Jabber only this time, it wasn't Jabber they were killing, it was you. You screamed as their weapons tore into you before screaming yourself awake. You sat bolt upright in bed, your body covered in sweat and you looked around the room, your mind wide awake from the nightmare. You blinked back tears as you saw that it was just Mist and Violet, although Violet was awake. You didn't want to trouble her with your problems, she was only 12 and didn't need this pain. "Go back to sleep Violet, I'm alright" She said as soothingly as her shaking voice and pounding heart would let her. Violet turned over, going back to sleep and you decided to get up.

You padded through the silent house, your footsteps making no sound as you wandered through the house. Your mind reeled, you needed air. You ran to the door and opened it, feeling the cold air on your face. It helps to clear your mind and you grab your coat before going out into the night. You pull your hood over your head, not wanting to be recognized by the people of the district who may be out at this time of night. You walked towards the stream, knowing that maybe, if you followed it, you'd find Jabber at the rendez-vous place. You ran along the edge of the stream, excitement filling you. Your heart fell as you found your spot and it was deserted. Jabber, why? You thought, falling to your knees, the full moon floating above you cast a silver glow on the clearing. You felt the tears you'd been holding in for so long finally come out. You cried, your entire body shaking as you let out all the grief and anger and misery that had been building up within you. You kept saying Jabbers name as you cried, you knew that when he returned, he'd be stone cold and wouldn't be the same Jabber that had left you only a week ago. Was it only a week ago You wondered, in just over a week, you'd seen him do so well in training and then fall like a bird shot down. I love you Jabber those had been your last words to him in the Justice building.

The stream of tears you shed finally dried, early the next morning. You knew you looked like shit, but you didn't care. The early dawn light began to creep into the district as you hurried back home. You opened the door and ran up to your room, diving under your covers and pretending to be asleep before anyone else woke up. You couldn't let anyone else know about your little midnight cry, it would show cracks in your control. For now, you could hold it in, for now, you could fight it. You closed your eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Word count 962