I do believe in Fairies{Oneshot}

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I can't sleep. I won't sleep. I refuse to sleep because the nightmares that visit my dreams. These nightmares hold me down sending my body into convulsions. I thrash around in my bed fighting myself to come awake, but the grip of the dreams hold me down keeping me trapped in the never ending cycle. My screams pierce through the night waking my family. My body would beg for me to wake up, but I'm unable to control the grip the dream has on me. It taunts me telling me I'm weak. It waits for me to drift off to sleep, but tonight I won't let it visit me. i won't let the same dream trap me tonight. It's the same dream over and over. I can hear Jabber's name echoing in my head as it slips past the escorts lips. I can hear the loud sobs of Jabber before I even walk into the justice building to say goodbye. I see him dying over and over again. But he's not dead. He's still alive. He's at the Capitol waiting for the arena to begin.

I pace the floor of my room not caring what I step on. The floor creaks begging me to stop. It begs me to sit down. The empty bed that I occupy when I sleep is calling my name begging me to go to sleep. I can hear the dream starting to laugh at me as I stare at the empty bed in fear. Chills run down my spine. My heart races under my chest. My breathing is labored. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I can't breathe. I need to run away like a coward away from this, but I must be strong. I can't run. Running is for cowards, and I will not be seen as a coward. My feet move me around the spinning room. The ringing in my ears become more than I can handle. I cover my ears willing it to stop, but it becomes louder and louder. I can't hear anything else. I scream into the air as loud as I can. I don't cover my mouth with anything. I don't care who I wake. I just need this to stop. I need this all to end and go away from me forever.

I stop in front of the window as the sun rises in the distance. My heart drops to the floor. My stomach dances inside me twisting and turning like the fairies dancing happily in the forest. My hands start sweating and shaking. I have to grip my shirt to keep my hands steady. Chills run up and down my spine like crazy. I stare at the window and notice how I look, and it scares me. I'm like a newborn vampire afraid of everything, not knowing what to do, and abandon without hope. My hair is standing straight up. I run my hands through it trying to flatten it out, but nothing works. The whites of my eyes are stained red. The pupil takes up the entire iris. My blue eyes aren't noticeable. Dark circles surround my eyes making me look like I've been punched in the face. My cheeks are red and puffy. The salty taste of tears latches inside my mouth. I need sleep, but I can't allow myself to sleep. I won't let the dream hold me down. I want to be free. I want to be free like the fairies that roam the forest.

Slowly, I walk away from the window afraid of myself. I'm afraid others might see me and be afraid of me. I'm afraid others will see me and laugh because of the dream I wish would go away. Today is the day that the arena begins. Today might be the day I watch Jabber die in front of the entire nation. He can't die though. He's strong. He's got this. He has to come home. I can't relive the moments of him dying that taunts me in my sleep. Please, please let that just be a dream. Please don't let anyone hurt him. "If there is a god out there, please keep Jabber safe. Don't let him die. Please let him come back home to us. Please. I whisper silently so anyone that's lurking in the shadows around me can't hear me. I look over at the empty bed wanting to go to sleep and sleep through the opening of the arena, but I can't. I have to watch. I have to support Jabber. He's my cous-brother after all, and I need him to come home. "I can't make no promises to come home."

I cautiously take a step away from the window turning my back towards it. The floor screams at me for stepping on it. The room starts spinning again. I'm falling to the floor unable to control it. Tears spill from my eyes dripping silently onto the floor. The tears flood the room. I float around helplessly trying to hold onto something. I try to keep myself floating above the water, but I'm sinking. I'm sinking faster than I ever thought I would. The deafening roar of the water rings in my ears. I can't hear anything. I can't see anything. My chest is tight blocking off my air passages. My lungs are screaming for air. My body begs me to move. My feet feels for the floor trying to keep myself steady, but it falls through. I fall to my knees with my hands over my ears screaming. "Someone save me!" "The male tribute is Jabber Jay!" "No take me instead! Don't take him. Please don't take him away!" My voice is panicked, but it's not going to do any good. It's over with. It's already happened.

I run out of my room and into the hall. I stumble along the way. I hold my arms out to keep my balance as I reach for a railing that isn't there. The floor moves under my feet causing this short walk to take longer than I imagined it would. Sweat drips off my brow mixing with the river of tears that flow from my eyes. Snot leaks from my nose dripping to the floor in a line that mixes with the snot and tears. I cover my ears back up to block out the sounds that surround me. The ringing that stays in my ears gradually gets worse with each movement I make. My body protests, but my mind tells it to go. My body obeys the master that controls it. I obey myself. Why did he have to be reaped? Why can't this all just be that dream that taunts me at night? I don't want to believe this happened. I never thought it would happen, but I was wrong. I stop in front of the couch and flop down. My body convulses slightly at the sudden stop.

The old television that only works for Capitol business is already running. I will myself to stop crying. I have to be strong for the rest of the family. I can't let them see me in the shape I am in, but I don't care. Let them see me like this. We all should be like this, but I'm probably the only one that's being taunted by the nightmare I dream over and over again. I want to run away from the old television. I want to run away from this world. I'm not ready to watch this. I'm not ready to watch Jabber fight twenty-three others. I can't do this. I am weak. I can't do this anymore. Please just let him come home. I need him here with me. Please please please. "Jabber please come home. Please win this. Fight and come home. Please Jabber Please!" Tears roll down my face as I watch the television afraid of what I'm going to see. Part of my life has been ripped away from me by the stupid Capitol, and I can't do anything about it. No story can change what happened. No wish can change the events of Jabber being reaped. I wish it was all a dream.

I watch as the tributes rise into the arena. I get to see the arena for the first time. I dread looking at it. I dread looking at the screen to see Jabber. My heart pounds hard under my chest echoing in my brain. I feel like an elephant has sit on my chest again. I can't breathe. I can't move. I'm paralyzed in fear as I stare at the screen. The tears fall down my face until I feel like I can't cry anymore, but more tears run down my face. My insides dance around twisting into knots. I feel like I could vomit everything inside me up. My hands tremble uncontrollably at my sides as I stare at the screen wishing I didn't have to watch this. My breathing becomes faster as my heart races under my chest. "Please Jabber come home." I mutter under my breath. I look at the arena, and my head starts spinning. It's like an ancient jungle type thing from the books I've read. I stare amazed wishing I could escape to a world like that.

The gong sounds and the tributes take off running towards the cornucopia. I immediately look for Jabber. I don't want to take my eyes off the screen. I have to find him to give him the strength to carry on. I look at all of the tributes running for their lives as the fight for their survival again. I know this is being selfish, but I really want Jabber to win. "If there's a god or anything with lifesaving powers, please bring Jabber home." I whisper silently hoping nobody hears me. Finally, I spot him running as fast as he can towards the cornucopia. Part of me wishes he would have just run away from the fighting, but he needs to grab a weapon if he's going to have a fighting chance. Others are following after him. "Go Jabber!" I scream at the scream wishing he could hear me. "You got this Jabber. You go- watch out!" I scream, but I know he can't hear me. I know my screaming won't protect him, but I scream anyway.

The bushy hair guy from either district five or six, (I don't remember which district.) lunges at him hurting his hand. It's only a little bit of damage. He can get over that much. He can move on from it. I know he can. Another guy slams his fist into his jaw. I can tell by looking at it, it's broke. My heart and my chin drop to the floor. He's being beat up in front of everyone. All the tributes are attacking him. They all are attacking him instead of attacking someone else. My heart shatters as I watch this. I want to take my eyes off the screen, but I can't. My eyes are glued on the screen as I watch Jabber die right in front of me. "Stop attacking him! Please let him go. Run Jabber!" I cry. I plead with him to run away. I need him to run away. I need him to survive this. He has to come home. He has to. He's dying. He's actually dying. My heart dances inside my chest. I can't take it. I can't sit here and watch him die like this. I can't do it anymore. I was strong, but I'm weak. I'm a coward.

My eyes widen at the blood that is being shed. My heart skips a beat when the stupid bushy hair guy goes to attack him again. The sword takes his right ear off. I cringe at the sight. "You ignorant, retarded, coldhearted fool leave Jabber alone! He never did anything to you. He never attacked you so leave him alone! Please! I beg you don't touch him again. Please! Just back away from him. Run Jabber get out of there!" I cry as I vomit whatever is in my stomach. Why am I watching this? Why? I'm just watching Jabber be beat around like a rag doll. He's not in control of himself. Why can't I just walk away? I shake my head unable to answer the question. My eyes are glued Jabber. I can't move away. I'm living the dream that taunts me. I'm living the dream that holds me down at night. The dream that's been controlling me is coming to life right before my eyes. My heart leaps when Jabber attacks one of the female tributes. Keep going Jabber. You got this!

I chuckle a bit when he picks up a frying pan. What the hell? Is he supposed to beat a person over the head with a frying pan? I ask myself. The next attack that is thrown at Jabber he blocks. "Run while you got the chance! Run get away from there! Just go! Your life is more important! Go!" I scream my voice becoming hoarse as I will for him to run away. I need him to go away. I need him to get out of the bloodbath if he wants to survive. If he wants to make it home he needs to go now. I watch one of the other guys attack him severing his arm at his shoulder from his body. "Jabber!" I cry. He's falling apart right in front of me. He's dying before my eyes. He's dying in front of all of Panem. He's dying a death that shouldn't be his. He's dying a death that nobody his age deserves to have. Nobody in these games deserves to die, but everyone dies eventually, but I believe they should all be old. I watch as the axe hits him in the back of his head, and my heart breaks.

I remember when he first moved into the house with us. I didn't really want him to be here. Mama and papa already had enough on their hands taking care of eight of us. They didn't need another mouth to feed, but they willingly took him in. His parents were killed in some kind of accident. I never figured out what the accident was, and I don't want to know. I can't imagine the pain he must feel from losing his parents. He was thirteen when he moved in. I was eleven. I was content with the family that we already had. Jabber was just my cousin. I didn't want him to compare to Wess, Stellar, and Mocking. They were my older brothers. They were the ones that were supposed to help watch over us. As the years went by, I started seeing Jabber more as a brother. He became my brother, but I often wished he wouldn't talk nearly as much as he did. I found it funny when Mocking or Stellar would tell him to "Shut the fuck up." It was priceless watching his reaction.

Now, he lays broken on the ground missing his arm, and his ear. Pain surges through my entire body causing me to feel numb. I don't know what to do. My chin is dropped to the floor. My heart sits in my throat choking me. "Jabber get up!" I scream loudly at the screen. "I juft feew wike I faiwed aww of you," Its hard to understand him. It's hard to make out what he's saying, but I know what he said here. He said he failed us all. "No, you didn't fail. You made me proud. I'm proud to call you my brother. You're not just a stupid cousin anymore. You are a Jay. You are my brother. You made me proud." Tears fall down my face like a river overfilled from rain. I sob loudly not caring who sees or hears me. Jabber is dying right in front of me. I'm never going to see him again. I'm never going to talk to him again. He's going away forever. "It's... done. I apow...igized. I've may my howwible speef. Is dat what you watt to hear?" "I'm proud of you Jabber."

He's gone. I can't believe he's actually gone. I can feel the dream laughing at me. The dream that taunted me came true. The dream that held me to my bed every night is alive. Every muscle in my body is numb. I can't move. I don't know how to move. The world around me is spinning faster than I can control. My heart shatters inside me like a mirror breaking on the ground. The pieces won't be able to be put back together again. "No! No! No! No! No!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "Jabber no! You can't be gone. Please roll over. Please say this is a joke. Please!" I cry. The elephant returns to my chest. I can't breathe. I can't move. I'm suffocating from nothing. My sobs fill the room echoing around me. The floor moves as I try to place my feet on it. Chills crawl on my spine. He's never coming back. I grab a cushion off the couch and throw it as hard as I can across the room.

"You good for nothing fools! I hate you all! I hate each and everyone of you! You took my brother away from me! You took him away from me! I hate you! I hate you!" I shout at the screen. "You killed an innocent person. He never even attacked you all, and you killed him! He's gone because of you!" My heart dances under my chest. My throat feels tight like it could close together at any moment. My throat is raw from all the screaming that I've done. The ringing in my ears grows louder with a roar a deaf person could hear. "I hate the Capitol! I hate the districts that attacked Jabber! You all deserve to die! You killed my brother now you should die!" I curl up in a ball bringing my knees to my face. I rock myself back and forth as tears fall down my face onto the floor. Please be a dream. Please don't let this be real. Please just let me wake up and this all be a dream. Let this be the dream that taunts me. The fairies have stopped dancing to mourn over the loss of a beloved brother. No smiles form on their tiny faces. Tears glisten in their eyes as they say goodbye to a brother that will never fight again.

"I'm sorry Jabber for everything I've done. I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you. I'm sorry I didn't accept you when you first moved in. I was caught up in myself. I didn't think I needed another older brother. I didn't realize what you went through. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose parents at such a young age. I'm sorry I never really hung out with you. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you can forgive me. I know you want us to move on, but that's impossible. I'm always going to be shattered. I'm broken without you. I wish this was all a dream. I wish it was a dream that I could wake up from. I wish it was just the nightmare that was haunting me, but it's not. It laughs at me because it won. It defeated me. I'm sorry Jabber. I really am. I want you to know that I'm proud to all you my brother. You are my brother, and you always will be." I pause momentarily trying to pull myself together. "Fly away Jabber to the perfect world I dream about. Go dance with the fairies and run with the vampires. Always watch over us and visit me in my dreams." My voice is barely a whisper as the last words escape my lips. "Be free."

”May Jabber rest in peace with the fairies.”

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

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