Tears in Heaven {Jay Family Blitz}

Another reaping. Another chance that I would be sent off to me death. But today was different, there was a much larger chance that this blind boy, myself, could be sent away to fight other seeing people until I could no longer breathe. I was scared, scared shitless. I wasn’t ready to die, not yet- I was only 13 for god sakes. Beside me stood Strom. He and I were still not talking, not after our fight. It was one of the first major fights I have ever had with any of my family members. I could still remember it so clearly, burned into the backs of my eyes lids. The tension between us was so heavy, so heavy that I sometimes found it hard to breathe.

* * *

My name was not the name that had been called. At first I had felt relief. But not too much now. I walk beside one of my sisters, in dead silence as we head over to the same room that we had last year: ready to say goodbye to one of our family members yet again. Last time we had meet Jabber in the room. Sobs of my family had filled the room, me myself had shed a few tears. But it wasn’t the same as walking into the room that held Strom captive. Storm out of all my family, I was the closest too. Even after our agreement, he was the one who had tried to understand what I had wanted, he was the one who had wanted to read me a story, get to know me.

I eneter the room which by now was filled with the rest of my family. I didn’t know where he was, all I could see was darkness. I wanted to call out to him, but I knew he would be engulfed by the family. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, sorry for yelling at him, sorry for all the hurtful words that had fallen from my lips in that intense moment. But I said nothing. I just hovered around the edge of the room, like I had when Jabber was held prisoner, hoping that he would somehow understand the guilt that I felt now.

Slowly the room was filling, the sobs becoming one with almost everyone in the room. People were yelling, and there I stood, on my own, waiting for storm to come over o, to say goodbye. I knew he wasn’t coming back- how could he? He was no fighter. He was a boy; a boy who hid in fairy tales, a boy didn’t even know how to throw a punch. How could he win this battle? This battle against 23 other children who wanted him dead. And what could I do to help him? What could I do to help him get back home? Nothing. I was useless, just like usual. I could do nothing to help him. He was lost to me, gone. All I had left was these little moment, and what could I say? What could I say to prove to him that I was sorry? That I wish we had never argued. It was too late.

Far too late. Far too late to say anything. Too far gone.

"Red, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for slamming the door in your face. I'm sorry for swearing at you. I'm sorry Red. I'm so sorry. I'm extremely sorry." His voice is soft, full of tears. I can feel him in front of me, and it takes all I have not to reach out to him. He needed to be strong, and if I tried to touch him, if I let him see my pain, then wont I being making him weak? Wouldn’t I just send him further away? "I-I-I-I love you." That’s when I can’t hold back, I fall into his arms for a moment. A warm embrace. “Strom… Storm I am so sorry. The things I said- all the hush, mean things I said… You didn’t deserve any of it. I know it is too late, but Storm I really am sorry. Please try and come home. I know I am asking a lot of you, I know, but please try. I want- I want you to read to me. Remember that, we can escape together, you just have to make it home.”