I, Linus (Hope/Linus)

HOPE

what do you know this house is falling apart
what can i say this house is falling apart
we got no money but we got heart
we're gonna rattle this ghost town

"If we could just briefly talk about the volunteer from Eight? I truly believe that she is dangerous. She is in such a volatile state given what happened to her brother in the 61st. It's difficult to say why she has volunteered, but it's only going to take the briefest of pushes to send her over the edge."

My metal prison moves at over a hundred miles an hour, but I barely feel like I'm moving at all. I can't tell if the train was engineered to feel that way, or if I'm so numb and scared that I can't feel what's real any more. My District is long gone. We went through a tunnel that took us underneath a mountain about a half hour ago, and now we've re-emerged in a different District. I couldn't tell you which District that was, because I don't know which direction we're going in, and I always hated geography. I don't suppose it matters. In a few hours it will be gone from my life, just like Eight is. Darkness has engulfed this new District, painting the landscape purple and blue. Only trees outlined in faint silver are visible in the dim moonlight. I lie on my bed in broken sleep.

I think about how much my life has changed. It seems to be all I think about. There were days when I would just drift away. The wind was my map and the sky my clock. I was never lost. Pandora would loiter the streets of Eight with a child-like grin permanently etched on his face, trying to pick up girls. I would stay up late on amber evenings to see Rubik come home from work, and he'd immediately send me to bed, but never without reading me a story first. Those days weren't haunted by grief and loss, they were happier times. Times that are so long gone that I can barely remember them any more. Every time I try to think back to then, it is like looking through rippled water. More and more ripples appear as time goes on.

There used to be so much noise and colour in my life. Everything felt so vibrant and real, but it's all slipped away into a bleak monotony. I suppose this is my escape. Is my life so bad that volunteering is a relief? In that case, is this suicide? I'm trying to justify this to myself, but the more I try, the more I struggle to find a valid reason. I'm glad Andorra will live, and in a way I'm hopeful this will break Rubik out of his four-year trance, but ultimately was this the right decision? Did I really throw my life away on a split second rush of adrenaline? Surely not. No.

This is the right thing to do.

I sit upright and rearrange the pillows on my bed, having tossed and turned them over into strange positions during my restless sleep. Swivelling my feet around, I slip into my reaping shoes and grab my cardigan. There are clothes provided in my 'room', but I think they are meant for tomorrow. I stand up and take in my surroundings. Prison. I chose to be here, so I shouldn't complain about being a prisoner. Just then, there is a sharp knock on the door.
"Supper is ready, if you'd like to join us." Our escort speaks in an unnatural voice that matches his bizarre appearance. He didn't stop talking to me when we were in the car on the way to the train, which was comforting in a way. I suppose that a change of surroundings and company can take my mind off Rubik, and my stupid decision. It's only now I see my reflection in the mirror, and what an emotional wreck I have become. I wipe stale tears from my eyes and try to compose myself. I make sure to tell myself three times that I'm doing the right thing, before opening the door to the main carriage.

I follow Prethim, who resembles a lark or a tropical bird - The kind that are in the textbooks at school. His cheekbones are high and his face stern, but his voice is so ridiculous and his suit so bizarre that it's hard to take him seriously. He leads me to the main carriage, where my District partner is. I haven't seen Linius since we were in the car together, and even then I didn't look at him nor speak to him. I've been too caught up with my own emotions to dwell into introductions with others. Besides, it's best not to get too friendly with other Tributes, right?

Linius sits at a large mahogany table, whereat a large feast has been laid out. Our escort resumes his place in a corner, peacefully munching on an apple and reading a paper. Linius himself is busy trying some of the richer foods, some of which look more decorative than edible. They want to give us a taste of luxury before we are sent to our deaths, it seems. I don't like it, it makes it seem like we are guests, when really we are prisoners. My District partner clearly doesn't see things in that light, but that highlights his ignorance to me. He is naive. Naivety is not a good trait to have in the Games. He beams at me as I walk in and I force a half-smile out of respect. He's been through as much as I have, probably. It's tougher when you're reaped, because you don't have a choice. Volunteering was my decision, and so I deserve less pity than him.

Linius struggles with his speech. I wonder if it is nerves or if he has a physical impediment. I sit down in the chair across from him and glance at my immaculately clean cutlery and crockery. My stomach grumbles and I realize just how much I need a meal. To be honest, I'd eat it if it was the gruel we sometimes stoop to at home. Food is fuel, and without fuel I will become weak. I need to eat as much as I can in the coming weeks so I can store energy for the Games.

"Yeah..." I smile again, staring at the platters of food - there must be at least two dozen different dishes to choose from - and trying to decide what I want to eat first.
"I just hope there's enough for the both of us!" I joke.

live my life without coming up for air
now it's all wash i want everyone
racing down the hill i am faster than you
wait for summertime wait for summertime
oh anna sun

lyrics by walk the moon - graphics by rook - template by kire

HOPE

what do you know this house is falling apart
what can i say this house is falling apart
we got no money but we got heart
we're gonna rattle this ghost town

"She's smaller than the other tributes. She looks ten, or nine... Not twelve..."

Confidence finds Linius and it lights him up. I see a person filled with life and it confuses me. How is he so positive? He's so light-hearted in the face of death. I suppose if you can't laugh at death, there's nothing you can laugh at. I mean, I'm being civil, but Linius, he's being friendly. He tells me that this is the most edible food he's ever seen, even if some of it looks unnatural and completely inedible.

Naturally, he asks me why I volunteered. I knew he would. I bet the Capitol and their representatives are already talking to Caesar Flickerman about getting that out of me. Everyone in Panem wants to know why I did it. I'll tell him - He does have a right to know I suppose, him being a tribute and all. He smiles and says that rings in my head again and again.

"Why stand on ceremony? We'll both probably be dead by week's end, anyway..."

His assumption is most likely correct, but the small-framed boy from Eight holds a defeatist attitude. If you admit defeat before you've even started, you're already dead. I force myself to be open minded. Yes, I'm small, weak and vulnerable, but I'm not going to just lay down and die. If he wants to, that's his call. He is certainly right about one thing though, and that's that we shouldn't stand on ceremony. If it comes down to the wire, he'll kill me, I know that, but for the minute we are two kids from District Eight being sent to our probable deaths. The least we can do is be truthful with each other.

Yet as I'm growing comfortable with Linius around me, he then says something that throws me completely.
"Don't spare me the details, sweetie." He says leaning back with new-found confidence. I have to really fight the urge to hit him. How can he say something so insensitive? I was going to give him a brief explanation as to how Rubik's life has deteriorated since Pan' died, and that I'm volunteering for his sake, but he wants to know details? I wouldn't be surprised if this is a Games tactic - Linius could be trying to find out weaknesses in me.

I look at the blueberry pie. Something burns inside of me as his words echo in my mind. His smile is too confident for someone who I thought naive just a moment ago, and his mannerisms... He thinks he is better than me. He is belittling me.
"Don't mind if I do..." I smile, reaching over and taking the whole pie with both hands, before shoving it at Linius' chest, covering him in a blue, sticky mess. Wow, that felt good. I stand up as our escort practically explodes into a rant about conduct, all of which I deliberately miss. Sending a message to Linius is all I care about. I am not a doormat to walk over. I am not a helpless little girl. I walk back to my carriage, but give Linius a sideways glance.
"Seems I made a mistake - I don't want dinner after all. Oh, and don't call me sweetie..." I slam the door behind me.

live my life without coming up for air
now it's all wash i want everyone
racing down the hill i am faster than you
wait for summertime wait for summertime
oh anna sun

lyrics by walk the moon - graphics by rook - template by kire