I'm terrified (but I'm not leaving) [Kou and Zoe]
Oct 16, 2013 15:42:43 GMT -5
Post by kousei ♚ on Oct 16, 2013 15:42:43 GMT -5
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I really need to concentrate, I just need to concentrate on the task at hand.
You see I was still delaying going to the weapons station, I was finding many excuses to not go. I was scared, but this time I wasn't scared of breaking a bone or fracturing a bone from swinging a heavy weapon. The very sight of actually using them to take a life is what scares me, I'm not afraid of them, I'm afraid of myself. Wouldn't you be afraid? I'm not a killer, I can't see myself taking a knife and stabbing someone, I could imagine me being on the receiving end but not on the inflicting end,what could my weak bones do against these kids normal kids anyway?I just hear the grunts of people training, hacking away at dummies with various weapons, the dummies are so lifelike, they feel so real. They mimic the human body almost flawlessly, they're trying to prepare us for the real thing. But now matter how many fake hearts and fake intestines I see I will never be prepared for the real thing. These dummies never had lives, but these kids did.
That's just the harsh reality of it all, these kids used to have lives. Because while they still breath and move their fates were sealed the moment their names were drawn from that reaping bowl. All but one. It's an unpleasant thought, and a harsh reality. If I could change reality none of this would be happening, I wouldn't be here, none of these kids would be here. Because deep down these kids probably aren't bad people and don't deserve death, if I could change reality the person who thought of the games would rot in hell. If I could change reality I wouldn't be me, I would be a normal kid with stable bones and friends, working with my dad back in District 10. But unfortunately I cannot change reality.I sniff as I turn away from the kids learning to use weapons, the kids already learning how to take lives. I go to something that's less daunting but still useful in the arena...
First aid.
I know it seems stupid but I'm going to need to refine my first aid skills, what if someone seriously hurts me in the arena and I need to patch myself up? I know this is unlikely but what if I get an ally of some sorts and they need help being patched up? I know it seems stupid but I just feel like I'll really need to learn how to fix up people. But I know that if I watch someone bleed out into the ground I will never be able to forgive myself, I just need to refine my skills, that's all.
I walk over to the first aid station and see a dummy lying on the floor and a training instructor standing by it. He seems pretty happy to see me actually go to his station. He explains to me some basic first aid techniques including bandages and needles and threads. To give me a test he slices the dummy with a knife over it's mid section and then punctures it's chest slightly; he wants me to heal it, he tells me to heal it. I oblige, get on one knee and get to work.
I would much rather be helping lives than ending lives.
WC:563
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