.: time alone, at last :: carl :.
Oct 22, 2013 2:03:30 GMT -5
Post by k!ah on Oct 22, 2013 2:03:30 GMT -5
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{ a g e :: 1 6 }
{ g e n d e r :: f e m a l e }
{ d i s t r i c t :: 7 }
{ s e x u a l i t y :: b i s e x u a l }
{ g e n d e r :: f e m a l e }
{ d i s t r i c t :: 7 }
{ s e x u a l i t y :: b i s e x u a l }
The sound of dripping water makes my heart begin got pound a thousand times faster in my chest. No! No, not now, please, not now!I squeeze my eyes tight, plunging my world into darkness. I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready to see there lifeless faces once again. I just wanted to be on my own, I just wanted to be able to open my eyes and see the tree, the sky, and the buildings of the place that I called my home. But I knew that that was too much to ask for- of course it was too much! I was a child, a child who had done horrible things, things that I regret, things that I wish that I could take back. But I can’t. No one can. Once something has been said, or done, there is no going back; it is out there, out there for the whole world. Out there and set in stone.
I clasp my hands tightly over my eras, blocking the sound of dripping water, blocking everything from my mind. I didn’t need this, I needed to be able to be a normal girl, one who could walk around the streets of the district and not cower in fear as they stared at her. Their blank eyes staring into my very soul- they don’t blink, they just stare, their eyes a heavy stone on my shoulders. Why wouldn’t they leave me alone? Why do they haunt me? Why? Why? why?. For years, for as long as I can remember they have haunted me, they have followed me never saying a word. For years I have had to look into their deathly pale faces and ask myself why?
I scramble off my bed in a rush, my fingers grabbing the soft- but worn- material of my jacket as I run past. My fingers close around the cool metal of my door handle and without even a moments cause and twist and rip, the door flying out in front of me. I don’t look back, I just run down, my feet slapping nosily on the old stairs that construct the inside of my home. They complain loudly as I reach the bottom and I just roll my eyes before flying out of the front door. The cool breeze of the morning air hit me like a cement wall. I stumble to a halt, my body taking a few moments to adjust to the sudden change in temperature. Goose bumps raced up the bare skin of my arms and I roughly shrug myself into the jacket I had grabbed before racing hastily out of my room.
The material instantly warms my skin and a small smile plays at the edges of my slips, but it doesn’t reach my lips, no, my smiles never reach my lips. They always hide, afraid that if I showed joy- even for just a moment- that it would all come crashing down as the whole cemetery of District 7 came flocking to my presence. So somewhat forcibly I push the smile away, my lips falling into a straight line. Taking a quick look around I could feel my heart begin to slow, my body relax. I was on my own, no one was here. No dead eyes, no sad faces. Just me, and me alone. Sighing with relief I take a step off in the direction of one of the more isolated parts of district 7. I wanted to have a walk in the woods; I wanted to be able to watch as the runs rays poked between the braches of trees, which would stand tall above me, as it slipped higher and higher into the sky.
Without another thought I take of in the direction that the forest lays, my heart pounding- but this time not from fear, but excitement. It has been so long since I have been able to look at something, or someone or somewhere and not see a figure at the corner of my eye, or a pale face dead centre in my vision. It has been so long since I have been able to let go of some of the fear that holds onto me so tightly. All I want is to be free, free from my living nightmare, just for a day… is that too much to ask for?
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