lucas perri {district 10} cb

lucas perri
eighteen
male
district ten

Your body didn't burn down with the fire
But it looks that way
With the frailness it gives off
And your singed hair
And your crystalline blue eyes with bags underneath them
And you wish her hand was still there to hold
When crossing the street
Because you always had your mother's hand to hold
Soft
Small
With wrinkles by her knuckles that you'd like to play with
And she liked it, too
But now there's no more her
No more wrinkles to play with
Or hands to hold
Or cookies to smell
Or hugs to receive
Only the reminder of her in everything
Like the smell of rain before it even falls
(You love playing in the rain,
Big feet stomping in bigger puddles
As your big hands reached up to the sky
In hopes of collecting small raindrops)
And the smell of her body burning with the rest of the house
And the feeling you get when you know you can't do anything about it
And that's a familiar one
And even now your blue eyes light up in terror as you realize the truth
Just like they did when you forgot your homework
Or when you curse at Dad
Or you realize that you're becoming addicted
But there's nothing to save you now
Because your mom is a ghost
But her memories haunt you more than she does
Because you're okay with letting go of your mom
But you're not okay with never seeing her again
Or not being able to relive the memories you shared in photographs
In old videos
In letters
Because they burnt down with the rest of your house
And your cries couldn't save your mom
And you knew that
But you wished your cries could save a part of her
Could save the way she smells
Walks
Talks
The way she always reminded you to brush your teeth
Wash the dishes
The way she told you it was alright that you broke the window
That you yelled at your sister ("As long as you're truly sorry")
That you're gay
(And you hope she remembers you
And your nose which may be a little too pointy
Or your thin-lipped smile)
Because she loves you
And you wish she was still here
And you wish you didn't need drugs when you were feeling down
But they're the only things that make you feel up

odair
carlos peters