Renegus Cade [D4] {FIN}

Parks
Hunter

97 POSTS
last seen Dec 4, 2014 19:10:00 GMT -5

theres a 99% chance i like the game of thrones more than i like you js

Renegus Cade [D4] {FIN} Oct 30, 2013 21:21:24 GMT -5

Post by Parks on Oct 30, 2013 21:21:24 GMT -5

Name: Renegus Cade
Age: 16
Gender: Male
District/Area: District 4
Appearance:

he's a cutie (;

Personality:

everyone loves him bc of dat smexy personality

History:

he has daddy issues ):

Codeword: oDair
Comments/Other: N/A

Last Edit: Feb 10, 2014 16:55:25 GMT -5 by Parks

Parks
Hunter

97 POSTS
last seen Dec 4, 2014 19:10:00 GMT -5

theres a 99% chance i like the game of thrones more than i like you js

Renegus Cade [D4] {FIN} Oct 30, 2013 21:22:00 GMT -5

Post by Parks on Oct 30, 2013 21:22:00 GMT -5

Renegus Cade

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

The ocean had a peaceful sense to it. It was calming. It was relaxing. It was soothing. It was a safe haven of sorts, and many would often seek it out for refuge. For some however, it was violent. For some, all they could hear was the violent waves pounding over and over again at the shore. All they could feel was the ocean washing into open wounds, causing the skin to sizzle into submission, gasping out in pain.

For me, however, it was most indeed a place of calming. It was serenity. It was where this simple-minded boy could go to have some alone time. It was something the boy craved every day, and it was somewhat of a relief when he could climb out of the grasp of the Capitol and relax by the Ocean. Though he was obviously not officially free from the Capitol, for peacekeepers were obviously still within shouting distance, ready to gut the boy like a fish the moment he disobeyed them. That boy was me.

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much the time cannot erase
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have a part of me

Life is rough as a single child. Though it’s also rough for my dad. It’s rough for both of us, what with him not having a partner to help him with me, and me not having a mother, something every child needs. At least that’s what I’m told, I don’t know if that’s what every child needs. I would never know. I mean, I always knew my mom. She was only taken away a few years ago, but I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be by her, and I shame myself for that every day.

But, I have to live up to my dad’s vision, and if I don’t then he’ll just coat everything I’ve done, all of your hard work I’ve accomplished. He’ll coat it all in a thick layer of guilt. He hypes it up and makes it something that it isn’t. That’s why I don’t have free time, and it’s why I escape him by going to the beach. He expects too much. I don’t want to live up to his dream. It’s unrealistic for me, it’s not something I want. I don’t want to make nets for a living; I want to catch the fish. I don’t want to make the tools used to catch them. I want to be the one out in the ocean that’s feeding the district. The one that’s feeding my family. But I guess in a world run by a game that revolves around the death of 23 children once a year, you try to keep your head down and do what your told. Why?

You used to captivate me
By your resonated light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams
And your voice still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

Don’t get me wrong, I love my father with a burning passion, and I respect everything he has done for me. I’m also grateful for everything he’s provided before and after the death if my mother. I mean sure, we’re not the rich ones in District 4, but we’re not the poor ones either, and in this world, that’s something so many would envy, and that’s why I have to take advantage of the fact that I’ve been out in such an orchestrated environment.

But, at some point you have to do your own thing. It’s not like I’m going to be living with my father forever though, so I have to find out what I’m going to do to keep myself going in the world. I want to start a fishing company, it’s always been my dream. I love the rush that flows throughout my body with every catch I make. My heart pounds, I get sweaty with anticipating, and a smile breaks across my face. It’s exhilarating. Does he not understand this? I don’t want to be like him. I want to be like me.

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much the time cannot erase
When you’d cry, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

How does he expect me to be like him? I wasn’t born to make knots. Besides, I’m extremely busy with school, how am I going to fit everything in all at once? Then again, school was a problem on its own. It wasn’t like I was picked on or anything, but I was socially awkward. Yeah, I had a few friends here and there, but most of the time if you asked someone who I was, they would just look at you and say “Who?” It was pathetic.

I had good grades, so I often used that as a bargaining tool to get out of the house. And why wouldn’t I? It was a way to escape the issues of reality, and what a perfect way to do so it was, for it placed me in a false world. A false world I wouldn’t have to come out of for a long time.

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself
That you’re gone
But though, you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along

I always wonder where I got my looks from. I can see the general facial resemblance of my father, the smooth brown hair, the delicate looking facial features, but every time I look in the mirror I see my mother standing there also, her warm comforting eyes, her slightly unbalanced nose, shaking her head in mock disapproval of my actions, and I feel a pang of guilt with everything I’ve ever done to not please her.

Sometimes I’ll doubt myself, and sometimes I’ll wonder if I should just stick with my father and make fishing nets for the rest of my life. Is that wrong? She always said to follow your dreams, and while both of my parents love(d) me with open arms, my father tended to disagree with her on that topic.

“You need to stick with the company you’re mother and I worked so hard to create. Some day we won’t be able to keep making nets, and we’ll rely on you. But where will you be? Out fishing, catching lobster, picking up clams. And then our whole business will go down the drain, and it’ll be your fault. Your mother would be ashamed.”

It’s what I remind myself of every night, and I really am ashamed that I’m not the slightest bit willing to carry out my father’s dream.

What would my mother say?
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me

Last Edit: Nov 1, 2013 13:19:36 GMT -5 by Parks

Parks Hunter 97 POSTS last seen Dec 4, 2014 19:10:00 GMT -5 theres a 99% chance i like the game of thrones more than i like you js	Renegus Cade [D4] {FIN} Nov 1, 2013 11:58:19 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Parks on Nov 1, 2013 11:58:19 GMT -5 Finished! <3
	Last Edit: Nov 1, 2013 11:59:13 GMT -5 by Parks

rook Veteran Member 2,361 POSTS Pronouns: he/him last seen Sept 26, 2023 15:42:53 GMT -5 who needs another thing to be sad about?	Renegus Cade [D4] {FIN} Nov 1, 2013 13:06:14 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by rook on Nov 1, 2013 13:06:14 GMT -5 Accepted~ [/blockquote]
	an hourglass is just a glass with sand inside