Here lies the Twig Warrior [Mantel's death post]

So this is it, the end of me the end of the Twig Warrior. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. I know it sounds really stupid, I mean you don't exactly know your emotions it just kind of happens. The last blow hadn't been dealt yet but I know it's happening, I can barely stand up straight, I'm just wobbling on my frail legs, not even knowing if I should fall and accept my fate or stand up and take whatever blows are coming to me. I guess I just never thought the end of my story would be like this, I never thought I would die like this.

But did anyone?

Did anyone know how they would die? Did anyone expect to end up dying in these games? I mean surely no one expected to be killed in such a surreal experience, no one expected to be killed so early did they? Even the careers, the careers truly believe they would win, the careers truly believe they can't die because they 'prepare' for this kind of thing, they think they're ready but the truth is no one is ready; not me, not Beatrice, Darren wasn't ready and nor was Kyle, Darren and Kyle were killed by me. They were just kids, none of them were ready. But they still had to go through it.

I must be strong
And carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in Heaven

Now I'm going to die like the many cows and cattle back in District ten, the heavy stroke of a knife. The attacks came fast and furious and the Twig Warrior couldn't defend himself, he only managed to get one last deep hit in. But now here I am, literally wobbling, unable to move and I just want to drop my sword, my face is stained with dry tears as Beatrice comes and attacks me, she brings her blade forwards and it sinks right into my arm, biting into flesh and muscle as I as I let an involuntary yell escape my lips as my blood spatters the ground and I drop my blade, I drop my bag, I drop everything as my eyes widen, my brain has realized it.

I'm not going to get back up from this. Everyone watching knows it, I'm not immortal, I'm not invincible, I'm not a god, I'm just a boy with a fighting spirit and a determined swing. I... was a fighter. My eyes widen as I collapse to my knees, determined not to throw up, I'm determined not to end my time here the same way I started it. Upchuck that's what they called me and that's probably what everyone at home called me, the boy who had no hope of returning home.

Like on reaping day the world seems to be going grey again, ending this day just how I started it? It seems legit but then I grit my teeth when I realize nothing about this is 'legit'. I'm dying! I'm actually dying! What about my stupid life is legit?! Everything about my life wasn't legit, my weaknesses, my achievements, my failures, they were all mocked, they were all thrown in my face like nothing. Because in the end I knew no matter how much I tried, my weaknesses would overcome my strengths. Did everyone else feel like that? I don't know but right now I'd rather be anyone but me.

Would you hold my hand?
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven

My weaknesses; they were just too much to overcome, even now as I lay on my knees and hands I know my weaknesses were just too much to overcome. My brittle bones were one thing, I always knew I could never overcome that, all Darren had to do was punch me in the sternum and I probably would've went down right then. No matter how determined I was, no matter how much the Twig Warrior wanted to live he would've taken his last breath eventually. Because of my stupid bones, the frame that was there to constantly support me ended up being my weakness, had I rid myself of this disease would I not be dead? Maybe if the Capitol had cured my disease would I have managed to keep on going?

So many what ifs... So many what ifs, too many what ifs. I guess that's all I can do, reflect on this in the afterlife, if there is an afterlife, but that's when I realize. I'm going to hell. I don't deserve to have eternal peace, I murdered to boys who actually had something, I killed both of them in cold blood, one of them because I was angry, is that even fair? They probably had someone to go back to, they probably had a loving family who actually thought they would come back to them. Well that was until I came along. That was until I ran my cool blade across their flesh and their blood spilled onto the ground, their lives snuffed out like candles.

And I can dice it however way I want, I can say that I wasn't myself I can say they would've killed me (which was a lie anyway, I killed Kyle unprovoked) I can say that the Twig Warrior did it, he was almost like my other persona, I feel like it wasn't Mantel Scoff who fought tooth and nail, he never could've done that, Mantel Scoff never would've hurt a fly. But the Twig Warrior was ruthless, he was a fighter through and through. But Mantel never was, Mantel was a weakling who never could've taken a life, Mantel was the kid at the bloodbath who just swung his blade randomly and missed every single time because he didn't want to hurt them despite the fact they would've gladly killed him. Mantel Scoff was the boy back in District ten who cried when someone threw something at him, who tried to be something he isn't just to get people to like him. But Mantel Scoff was pure and innocent, the Twig Warrior never should've been born.

I'll find my way
Through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

But I can't say I didn't enjoy his company, I can't say I never needed him to get this far; without the Twig Warrior I wouldn't have gotten the courage to fight back when someone attacked me, without the Twig Warrior I never would've gotten the confidence to fight against Darren when he challenged me. In fact sometimes I wish the Twig Warrior had been around for the whole games, I wish I had evolved into him the moment I was reaped. I never would've thrown up, and maybe if he had been around I wouldn't have stood frozen while Siana was being carved up. Mantel Scoff let Siana die, the Twig Warrior would've fought. I guess maybe after Siana died the Twig Warrior truly woke up and was ready to fight.

And now the Twig Warrior is fighting to his last breath. I wonder if people at District ten are laughing at me right now, why wouldn't they? They all knew I would be dying, maybe not in the bloodbath like they all thought but I still died, I mean come on, who wants someone like me as a victor? The kid who's bones couldn't take abuse, the kid who would probably look like a twelve year old even when he was sixteen, would I really be wanted as a victor? I was only just dead weight for my father, he may have loved me with all his heart but all I did was make life a struggle for him, all the money needed to take care of me, all the early mornings going to work and all the late nights coming home after working on the ranch nearly all day. All for me, I didn't deserve such a thing.

I'm looking at the cold hard floor that's sprayed with my blood, the ground is grey just like the whole world is looking right now. I don't know if I should be sobbing or something but I refuse to, the thought of me dying the way I refuse to is sickening, I said I wouldn't die worse than I already am and sobbing would only make it worse because I learned something the moment my name was pulled out of that bowl. Sobbing doesn't make anything better, sobbing doesn't make all the pain wash away, sobbing only embarrasses you, sobbing only make you look weak and if there is one thing I refuse to die as it's weak. A murderer yes, a tribute yes, dignified yes, but weak? Never.

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please, begging please

I'm literally bleeding out onto the ground now, slowly but surely and no one will finish me off. Not Saffron, not Cerise (thank ripred she won't disembowel me like she said), not district twelve girl (I still don't remember her name), not Beatrice, not District three boy, not Storm, not district six boy. No one will finish me off, they're just standing there, watching me bleed out onto the ground, watching me go paler and paler, my breathing going slower and more desperate. My hands are turning snow white, as white as my sheets, my eyes are wide open as if they're bulging out of my skull, I'm tensing my arms tightly, revealing no muscle what so ever, I'm actually wobbling, my arms are shaking and I don't think I'll be able to crouch straight for much longer.

I clench my jaw tightly, when people watch this recap video they'll see I'm not crying, they'll see I'm not throwing up, they'll see I'm not begging for forgiveness or begging to be spared or healed. I was always alone in these games and I'll die alone in these games, I blink once, then I blink again to clear up my vision, I certainly am starting to bleed out aren't I? I still don't know what to feel, I still don't know how the dead usually feel in their last moments. Many tributes have had different deaths but I don't know how they usually felt, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing, even in death.

I guess when you think about it I've always been afraid of doing the wrong thing, I always did what I thought would make other people happy, I always did what I thought would make people like me, I was always a try hard. And like now no matter how hard I tried nothing worked. I tried to be a clown, I was still bullied, I tried to be the most polite guy you can see, I still failed to make any friends. I tried to get the Capitol people to like me and that failed, okay maybe that was a small success. I even went and tried to mind my own business, even that failed... In everything I did I failed, maybe that's all I am, Mantel the failure. Maybe that's all I was destined to be. Mantel the failure.

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven

"So Mantel, how confident are you now that you've seen the training scores? I hear a voice say. The lights the flashing, I realize that I'm looking at my interview, just another reminder about how I tried to get everyone to like me. One of the only successes on my life, getting rich snobs to like me. Some achievement that is! "O-o-oh, t-th-that four? W-well Caesar, c-clearly those Game Makers underestimated me. I reply back. Caesar raises his eye brow. "Oh? You think you're capable of so much more?" He asks me. And then Mantel Scoff replies with another joke. "L-let's just s-say I fight f-for little twig kids everywhere."

That's probably one of the only moments in my life were I've succeeded in getting some people to like me. Isn't that sad? I can't say killing Kye and Darren were achievements, I regret those, I wanted to win to respect their memories but now their deaths were for nothing, their deaths were in vain because I'm dying. I can feel my vision dimming again, the end must be coming soon, isn't that what it means? Death, my organs will stop functioning, I'll stop moving and I'll wake in the fiery depths of hell were I belong. A killer like me has no place in a great place such as the afterlife, I said I deserve whatever terrible fate awaits me in this arena. I said I would accept it readily and greet death with open arms and a brave face.

But I must have my final good bye. Yes as stupid and cliche as it sounds I believe I have my right to say my final good bye. Everyone has that right, I ripped that right away from Kyle, but at least Darren got it.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven

I grit my teeth and stop using my hands of support, making my first movement in what feels like minutes. "Are you watching me?!" I scream out at the sky, my voice is hoarse and cracked, I'm surprised I'm even managing to say anything at this point. I know what I'm feeling, I know that my answer has been found. No more trying to do the right thing and failing, in my final few minutes I'm going to be me because in the end that's all I can do; in the end the last thing I do will not be a failure because I've tried up to this point. "Just remember what I said, in my interview district ten!" I shout again, I don't know what else to say, I just really don't. But then I say something again, probably not as loud as my cracked and hoarse screams from before. "Did I make you proud Mace? I tried, I really did." I cough out these words because my breathin is becoming heavier but more fast paced. "I took that hope I was given and used it but in the end... all I could do was try. And I really did." I say.

Can I say I tried my hardest?

Yes.

Can I say I made Mace proud?

I don't know.

Can I say I'm a complete failure?

No.

I take my sword and fling it across the ground, I'm honestly done with it, Beatrice can have it. I take the purse filled with my stuff and slide it across the ground as well. "Take em, you earned them, Darren's district token and Kyle's axe is in there, I killed them both but I kept them cos they deserved to be remembered. I said when I'm bleeding out on the ground you can do whatever you want to me, just remember what I said okay? I'm still trying my best to stay conscious but it's so hard, I need to say what I want to say before I allow myself to slip into my eternal rest. "Do whatever you want to me, take whatever you want because honestly I think I deserve whatever happens to me next!" I say, my panting is getting heavier and heavier and I can already feel that my lungs just want to shut down, I think they deserve their sleep as well because honestly, I think I'd want to stop if I had to keep this unstable body alive.

"Okay I-I'm done. I say with a cough and my knees give out, my lungs give out, as I flop forwards onto the floor, my head hitting the ground, and my vision fades completely, I'll get to see my mother for once, maybe I'll get to see her, I never got to see her in my life, and them maybe dad can join us. We'll be the family we never got to be.. The thought makes me smile for the last time, I know this will be my last smile because I know I've lost enough blood, I won't be able to move anymore, it's over.

All I see is blackness, just like my dream. I realize what I feel, I feel acceptance, I accepted my death with open arms, I accepted my death knowing there was nothing I could do to change the past, future or present. And as I stare at a blackness I realize what it means, as I feel my soul fading into the after life I realize what the blackness in my dream meant. Did it mean my future was bleak? No. Did it mean I would lose my eye sight? No it did not.

It meant...

The Twig Warrior can now rest.

I must be strong
And carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

WC: 2716

__________________

Credits:

I don't even know where to start! I will thank the following people:

SpecialK: This is the guy I absolutely must must thank! Without him I actually would've died on day 1. He took my newbie hand and guided me through these games up to this point. Okay he was a very great OOC mentor and people should listen to his advice more often. Thank you man for getting me this far!

Rook: You also gave me awesome role playing advice when I needed it. I was freaked out when I got reaped about my role playing but you guided me through it, you also gave me some good advice and tips before Spesh became my mentor so thank you! Without you my writing probably wouldn't have advanced the way it did.

Ani Jay and Verbal: Thank you for being willing to ally with me and planning bloodbath tactics with me. AND THEN YOU BOTH DIED SO EARLY WHYYY?! It was fun writing with you guys.

Kaytorade: I must say you were an awesome IC mentor. Mace was awesome as a mentor to Mantel and that thread with you was so fun.

Charade: That thread with me, you, Zoe and Kay was awesome and it really set me up for the games stuff. Thank you and you really are an awesome writer.

Zoe: I love this table you gave me for my death post and your table making skills are just top notch. The threads we had as district partners were awesome and I hope we can role play together more.

Dreams: I loved the graphic you made for me.

Lulu: Gming my first ever games and creating a fun experience for everyone. And also making this site and without it I wouldn't have had this experience.

Kitty: Thank you for giving me a well thought out and awesome character developing one on one fight and I am so sorry for killing your character D:.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who supported Mantel and sponsored Mantel through his time in the games.

And finally thank you tributes of the 65th Hunger Games. Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to role play with you guys, everyone who threaded with me in the training center and in the arena really gave me a fun writing experience and I have definitely gotten better as a writer. Thank you and good luck!

Graphic: Zoe

Lyrics: No tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton