Finding forgiveness [Meghan]

I never, ever would've expected I'd end up here when I die. As the darkness fades and the light appears I find myself face down in the sand, the grains of sand stain my light black hair, I don't feel pain anymore, I don't feel nauseous, I don't feel the weight of two lives in my head anymore, I don't even feel like the twig warrior. For the first time in a long time I feel like Mantel Scoff. It's quite weird when I think about it, I never expected to feel whole again when I died, I never expected to feel peaceful when I died, I never expected this. I know somewhere in the world of the living my broken corpse was lying somewhere peacefully.

If I'm completely honest I don't want to look at it.

I don't want to see the old me, riddled with injuries and gashes, I don't want to see that. I slowly lift my head up and look around, I see shore, a crystal clear ocean that is like music to my ears, the sand isn't gritty and irritating, it's almost soft, I could lay in it all day because I know that I'm going to be here forever. I look at my new body, I'm still the same person but I don't have any burns, injuries, nothing. It's as if I was never in the arena and I was still back in district ten.

Oh district ten...

When I think about it I know I don't miss it, I don't feel sad when I think about how I'll never see home again. I wish that place was never my home, if there's one thing I won't miss about being alive it's district ten. I hated that place and now that I'm in a better place it makes me slightly glad that I'm dead. No more stupid expectations, no more scorn, no more weak bones. None of it. It's all gone.

I guess when I think about it the world of the living was a horrible place. Humans are just horrible beings and I'm slightly happy I don't have to share a world with them. But another part of me is upset because there were some good things about being alive I had just been too blind to see them before. Death has made me less ignorant, less oblivious and more aware and alert of the things around me. When I lived I had just been wrapped up in my own troubles but now I feel strangely enlightened.

"Hello!" I call out, there's no one there. I'm all alone again, just like in the arena I'm all alone. Is this a punishment in this own way? Leaving me to be alone with no one around, in it's own sick way trying to make me re-experience the arena. I hate that, I really do.

But then it happens. "Mantel? Is that you?" I hear, I quickly turn around to see someone I recognize from a picture. She's tall, much taller than me, brunette hair, pale skin and pretty skinny.

It's my mother. "M-mom? I-I-" I stutter, I can feel a tear flowing down my cheek at the moment. I knew I'd see her again one day when I died, I just knew it. "Don't cry baby, I'm so happy we can see each other again, I only ever saw you for a brief moment when you were an infant and you have certainly grown since then." She says to me and pulls me into a tight embrace, I'm expecting to hear a crack followed by pain but nothing, I guess I can't be hurt here.

"I'm sorry mom, p-please forgive me."

"You don't need to be forgiven, there's nothing you could do. You're my son and that's that and I'm so happy I got to see you here, but-but there's someone you need to see before I can take you, someone you need to make amends with because I don't want you holding grudges."

I look at her. "Who?" I ask.

"You'll see soon, please just wait here. I'll see you again soon Mantel."

And with that she begins to fade, slowly becoming transparent until she's simply nothing, leaving me standing in the middle of the beach next to the shore, all alone again.

____________________