HOME {Open}

::I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls
And in the hall, there are people looking through
The window in the door They know exactly what we're here for ::

"Are you mad? She can't stay here, not after what she has done to our family! As far as I am concerned- she is no longer my daughter"

Astrid opened her eyes the crystal clear light which filtered through her curtains blinded her for a second; she forgot where she was, then she remembered. The room she lay in was familiar to her but she had not lay in this bed in sometime- the last bed she had lain in was blood stained, thin and scratchy- and she was still getting used to the sights and sound of home again after her long admission to rehabilitation; the nightmares of which still plagued her thoughts and voices when she slept.

"It's alright Astrid- we're here to help"
"NO!" cried the girl who struggled against 6 nurses who pinned her down against the cold bed
"I need you to keep still love" the nurse said gentley tapping the needle she had hold of "It won't hurt much I promise"

The girl watched terrified, still furiously struggling against the hands who held her body tightly down. Tears streamed down her face and she kicked her legs as the nurse approached with the needle- it was not that she was scared of the needle, it was the fact that the medicine would send her to sleep and it was sleep she was afraid of.

"We're only here to help dear," the nurse smiled reassuring "We're going to make you better"


Sitting up, with a gentle sigh on her lips, she reached over to the bedside table and open the bottle of Risperidone, the packet of Xanax, a box of Perphenazine and finally a packet of Orlistat before taking the require amount of each drug with a sip of water. She swallowed the last pill before taking a deep breath as she felt it slide down her throat and into her stomach- an odd sensation- before opening her eyes again and taking one last sip of water.

Astrid threw her covers off her and walked to her curtains, pulling them open to view the world outside. The sky was bitterly cold- ice blue- and lacked cloud or the warmth of a summer sun with a small dusting of frost laden on the surfaces outside. Her breath fogged against the window pane before evaportating in front of her eyes.

"Look mama!! Snow!" the little girl said excitedly, kneeling on the window sill so she could get a better view

"Get down from there Astrid." her mother said sternly

"I want to go play mama!" the little girl clambered down off the window and ran to her mother "Can I go play outside, please!!"

The mother paused before nodding reluctantly- sending the girl off in an excited sprint towards the bedroom to get dressed for the winter weather.

She zipped up her coat- which fitted better than the last time she had worn it- and slipped on a pair of woolen gloves which where soft to the touch. Smiling to herself, Astrid placed her palm against her cheek and leaned into as if it were somebody elses hand placed there. Closing her wardrobe, Astrid crossed the room to her bedroom door and tried the handle. Locked she thought to herself- unsrurprised by the fact her handle would not turn further than 15 degrees. Not disheartened by this, she walked to her balcony window and opened it- before climbing out onto the balcony.

The air was crisp and taut- the wind chilled her cheeks as she gently shut the window just enough so it was not noticeable. Walking a little further down the balcony, she reached the place where she could jump down onto the wall and then into the street- from there on she would be free. Hoisting her legs over the balcony fence she dangled there for a moment before dropping down onto the wall below and hoping onto the pavement. Glancing round for any sign of her mother or maids, the girl smiled triumphantly to herself, she stood and began to walk off down the street.

The sound of the house was behind her now- the cracking of wood and the screams of the people inside were a distant thing to her now as she walked down the street. She never wanted to look back, looking back would mean facing her demons and she was too frightened to face those. The sounds of the fire engine pulling up and the peacekeepers van was a sign of relief and disgust- they were going to save her demons, they were going to survive the fire she had started to destory them. The blonde girl looked back over her shoulder and watched the corner of the house that had been a blaze- being doused by firemen.


Astrid inhaled deeply as she walked, her hand stuffed deep into her coats pockets. The town was quiet today- there were not many people out this early- it was pleasant; the lack of crowds made Astrid feel safe. A small wind blew, scooping up the hat on her head allowing her hair to wildly dance about in the air. With a gasp, Astrid took off down the street after her hat which bounced teasingly along the pavement.

:: You're always on display
For everyone to watch and learn from
Don't you know by now? You can't turn back
Because this road is all you'll ever have ::