this feels like falling in love [damen]

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pika
Retired Staff

586 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen May 7, 2022 18:36:48 GMT -5

this feels like falling in love [damen] May 12, 2013 20:06:59 GMT -5

Post by pika on May 12, 2013 20:06:59 GMT -5

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,411,true][atrb=cellpadding,10,true][bg=D2D9E1]∞ audriana skye gresham ∞

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settle down with me
you'll be my safety
i'll be your lady

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Rough hands caress my face, and I know now that they belong to me. Warm lips collide with my own, and I can finally realize that they were always mine to begin with. A soft, rugged voice whispers my name, and I understand that this was the manner in which it was always meant to be spoken. All of these things compile into the boy in front of me—the one with deep eyes and a saddened smile—and I know that I have always been as much his as he has been mine.

I do not think I have known happiness until now.

I have forgotten where we have spent our time. The weather has turned something beautiful in the months since that first kiss, progressing from the frigid, icy mornings of the winter to the sun-filled, breezy afternoons of mid-spring. I feel the warmth on my face as I face the sunlight, and for the first time I do not feel the urge to remove myself from it. I trace patterns on Callen's hand, feeling his chin resting on the top of my head and his other hand twirling through my hair. We lie in a patch of grass, one of the first signs of growth that I have witnessed this year. I think I feel asleep here, in the midst of Callen's arms and the beautiful day. I can feel his fingers rake softly through my tangles of hair, and as I readjust my head to lay on top of his chest, I can hear the soft thumps of his heartbeat. If anyone were to ask me the definition of bliss, this would be it.

I have no care to give to anything in this moment. With the oncoming arrival of summer, there seems to be hope and joviality again, a sense of pride within everyone that we were all resilient enough to last through another cold, relentless winter. Everybody jumps into action with reckless abandon, more than ready to be outside and warming their bones in whatever patch of light they can find. Even the food tastes better; perhaps it's the energy and effort placed into making it now that better times have come around once more.

And I begin to think that maybe better times have come around for me, and are possibly even here to stay. I wake with a smile on my face, knowing that the light in my world has finally given himself completely to me. I talk and move with a renewed vigor, and I feel like maybe I have ultimately eradicated sadness from my life. This sense of empowerment is almost too much for me, and I have to stop a moment and remember that this is how I should have lived my life all along.

My cuts have begun to heal. I no longer have jolting, overwhelming urges to harm, and I feel as if I will be comfortable with my body once more by the time next summer comes around. Maybe then I will no longer have wounds to cover. Maybe then I will still feel happy. Maybe then I will finally feel free. I feel as if I am able to accomplish anything while in his arms. His unbelievable confidence and pride in me has risen me to incredible levels of self-esteem and self-worth. And I do not think that there is anywhere else I would rather be.

arise and be all that you dreamed

∂αмєη
Capitol Resident

1,550 POSTS
last seen Feb 25, 2016 23:49:47 GMT -5

this feels like falling in love [damen] May 25, 2013 21:59:43 GMT -5

Post by ∂αмєη on May 25, 2013 21:59:43 GMT -5

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⌘ callen ryder ⌘
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She reminds me of the sky in all of it's vast amount of beauty. Tranquil and brilliant and infinitely stunning, all the while having a side of complete and entire darkness. Losing myself in her eyes is like those warm summer days upon a soft blanket gingerly placed on the soft grass, your gaze pointed up towards the blue ocean above. The dazzling grey orbs that peer back welcome me in, promising to take absolute care of me and to never let me go. Just as I hoped mine did for her. There was nothing more precious to me and more meaningful than the girl who I would sneak out to see every evening. The girl whose arms were like a second home to me. The one who wasn't just my life but also the glue keeping it all together. Flaws and all.

My parents didn't truly approve of her and the new found closeness we had discovered. Truthfully, they had never liked her because of her class and since we had always had a significantly larger sum of money on us at all times, even if it wasn't very large in the first place. It left me with only one proper option for seeing her, apart from when they were out working. At the moment my parents lied down to sleep, I would sneak through my window and make my way to her comfortable home to spend even just a few more minutes with her. That's all I could ask for. Those moments were the best of my life. True happiness, for once. And all of it started because I stopped with the pills in that see through bottle. Ever since that very moment, everything changed.

And yet, it really didn't. I suppose if I had a particular interest in chemistry and biology, I would have a better understanding of how medication actually works. Easy to produce medication that is used solely to fix the issues that I apparently have with the intention of getting me properly in the coal minds in mind. After all, the medication came from Capitol scientists. I suppose if I had any deep understanding of the sciences, I would comprehend what addiction meant and how I could become dependant on a drug that really shouldn't be doing that to me. All it has to accomplish is solving problems, not causing side effects that clearly have a lasting impression. One that will haunt me forever, it seems.

For the first while, there was a false sense of clarity. One that made me feel great for sure. It allowed for all of this with Audri to happen. And yet now I feel worse than I did with the medication. Well, a different worse I guess. There was nothing that compared to how the meds made me feel. I feel empty now and I know for a fact that it's apparent. For all around me and especially for Audriana. That's the worst part of it all. If I could live a life of torture and never feel what it's like to be happy again solely to ensure that she was happy, I would. That would be the best scenario ever. And yet that wasn't going to happen. I would suffer and she would suffer and there was nothing I could really do about it.

But she made me have something worth fighting for. Truly, she was the only point to my life at the moment. And I really didn't care if that implied that we were going fast in our little relationship of ours. To even imagine that I was at the point to fully admit that she was all that I cared about was pretty out there and if I had been asked a few weeks ago if I thought I'd ever think this now, my answer would be a solid 'no'. Really though. I would keep fighting against the things that made me different so I could be there for her and ensure that she had the best life; the life she deserved. And if that meant complying with the doctor and my parents for what they were planning to talk with me about in a few hours, then that's what I'd do.

She was to come along. That was the hope, at the very least. My parents had barely agreed and they said that this would be the only time if I wished to have them with me. Whatever their issues were, it made me truly hate them in that moment. Which solved whether or not they'd come with me for the next visit. Either way, the four of us would make the walk towards the small clinic in order to talk about how I would solve the initial problems as well as the addiction complications that had arisen just recently. The cold sweats, the head pains, the emptiness, the confusion. All of it would have to be dealt with so that I could do what I wanted to do. Take care of Audriana by fixing my problems. That was the main task on my agenda. And so I started out the door, not caring if my parents were ready and made my way down the path that would take me to Audri's house.

all I need's a whisper in a world that only shouts

pika
Retired Staff

586 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen May 7, 2022 18:36:48 GMT -5

this feels like falling in love [damen] Sept 6, 2013 18:13:05 GMT -5

Post by pika on Sept 6, 2013 18:13:05 GMT -5

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I woke up that morning to the fading sounds of chirping birds, their songs intermingled with the rustles of tree leaves and the whispers of wind wheedling through the branches. Clint rustled next to me on the dusty floor, blankets sprawled over the floor in their attempts to be our bed. I sat up, glad to see a stream of sunlight pouring through the small window in what was supposed to be our living room. I was happy to be up at early hour; I had plans to accompany Callen to his doctor today.

Doctors are something of a joke in this District. Typically, if someone is injured or sick, the best they can get is some concoction of herbs and natural essences. I don't know how Callen had the ability to receive medication in this District, but I figured the less I knew about his condition, the less I had to worry about; the origin of his medicine wasn't as important as his well-being.

After fixing an abnormally quiet Clint a small and meager breakfast, I dressed and took a damp rag to my face and arms. My face, caked in soot, never appeared completely spotless. As I ran the cloth over my arms, I traced its frayed edge over the marks on my skin. Light pink, faded streaks of tissue against the extremely light, almost white portions of unscathed epidermis—I have not brought a blade to my skin in a very long time. I feel a smile creep onto my lips, a small presentation of my self-pride. These scars are not a marker of the battle I fought, but of the enemy I conquered.

Aware of the silence I was making, I turned around to entertain Clint's boredom. Producing a book from the shelf above me, I handed it to him, ensuring that it was one he would enjoy. He looked at me delighted; books were an oddity in this District, except for the ones mandated by the schools. I knew his passion for reading surpassed mine, and that his afternoon would be lost in the paragraphs of the book. I had been saving it for a day like this, when he was ready to stay in by himself while I had a large event to take care of.

I had Clint promise me he'd behave while I was gone, gave him a hug, and headed out the doorway. It was a slightly brisk yet sunny late morning, with the clear skies and low winds promising a lovely pre-autumn day. My hair flew in the breeze as I walked down the path, and the crunch of gravel underneath my boots gave me a weird sense of weightlessness. I watched several neighbours come and go on the road, but kept my eyes out for the one bundle I was most excited to see. Soon, I saw him making his way down my road, a mission in his step and a determination in his eyes. As he approached me, I could have sworn I saw a real, genuine smile on his face. I couldn't help but admire the air in his aura; today, he seemed ready, eager, perhaps slightly content.

((lol what is this, it definitely did not take me five months to reply with a horrible post wat))