left you .:s h a t t e r e d:. | pillar

kellan fray

caught up in this madness too blind to see
woke animal feelings in me
took over my senses and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight

From the moment my father's voice echoed through those damn speakers two weeks ago, my life had turned to utter shit. After these upcoming games, I had one chance left. One chance to go into that arena, and one chance to win. Yet, somehow, my father and the entire district thought it was a brilliant idea for the older trainees to teach the younger ones instead of practicing ourselves. It was repugnant, really. Just the idea made me sick to my stomach, but whatever. It wasn't like I actually needed to rest of the time. I was already pretty damn perfect. If I wasn't perfect, I was the closest thing my eyes ever saw to being it.

My father told us to think of it as a privilege, since only the best of us would become mentors, but those were only words that he was using to make a shitty situation seem almost okay. He told us we were going to be evaluated for a bit, each of us watched until the trainers had chosen the best of us to become mentors. I dreaded the announcement, because I knew I would be on the top of the list to train some whiny kid that knew nothing about the games, or even how to properly hold a weapon. Unfortunately, however, today was the day they announced those of us that would devote the rest of our time prior to the games on training children. Joy.

My father and one of the younger trainers, whose name was Moses, walked across the stage at the north side of the building where spars occurred. We used it for any announcements since it happened to be the highest place in the huge center, other than the climbing wall that my father was becoming far too lazy to ever climb. He cleared his throat, and brought the microphone to his lips. "Thanks to everyone for putting forth their best effort these past few weeks. The other trainers and I are proud to say we have you all here in our center." It was a struggle for me to not roll my eyes and scoff. "The results are in! As I said before, the top five scores will aid us in training those eligible for the upcoming reaping!" He glanced back to Moses who, after flipping through the papers on his clipboard, whispered into his ear. "Briana Osiran, Zorbich Donalee, Feather Lyle, Ryder Brawl, Kellan Fray!"

A few shouts and a bit of applause sounded as we all climbed the stage. I knew all of the names. Briana, a tall girl with raven hair and pale blue eyes, was a friend of Labyrinth's. Zorbich was a spastic boy that reminded me of a bag of meat, both because of the fact that he was two hundred pounds of pure muscle, and because he smelled like he rolled in grease every morning. Ryder was my cousin, even if I hated it being so. People said we looked just alike, but I couldn't see it. He looked old. Used. Nasty. Feather had fiery red curls, and a personality to match. Completely unpredictable, and a quick temper, I wouldn't have been surprised if she won the games, were she ever reaped. Unless she was in my games.

We all formed a uniform line across the back of the stage as my father handed the microphone over to Moses. "Each of you will be working with three kids every day until the reaping." Oh, not just one lost cause, three. Fucking three! I crossed my arms as he named off each of our pupils, and when he got to me I almost begged him to say nobody. But no, it didn't happen. Instead, he spoke in a clear, loud voice. "Kellan will be working with Esther Prescott, Caston Reid, and Pillar Fray." My eyes widened, and my stomach dropped. The first two names were completely unknown, but the third name I knew very well. I sighed, and mumbled under my breath.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

As my father thanked everyone my eyes found that cheerful face standing taller than the other girls her age, smiling at me as if she were excited. Big mistake on her part. I hopped down, and walked over to her, crossing my arms and huffing. "Hope you are ready to live in hell for the next few weeks, sis." I said, sarcasm burning in my tone. The other two pupils walked up to me, and I almost laughed. They honestly expected me to turn these three into death machines wired to kill? The girl, Esther, had black hair in ponytails and couldn't have been any taller than five feet. She had a single knife in her hand, twisting it through her fingers. The boy, Caston, was it? Had sandy blonde hair and freckles under his eyes. I guessed he was a quick runner, and tried to remember that for later.

"Alright, guys, here is the deal. You do what I say or you run, got it? And I don't mean just a lap around the center like usual. Every time you break a rule, you run a mile." The last thing I needed was for the little fuckers to think they could do as they pleased. "Each of you will spar with me once a week with a weapon of your choice until you are at least decent with it, and you will all increase your workout." When I was their age, I worked three times as hard as my peers, and as a result, I was a god. They would do the same, no exceptions. "But right now, we are gonna see how much you already know. You get a question wrong you run until I say you can stop." I fired a quick question to Caston, who blushed and shrugged. I pointed my finger behind me, afraid of what I would say if I opened my mouth to him. I turned to Esther, and offered the same question. She mumbled out a few words of uncertainty, all of which were, you guessed it. Wrong. I turned to my sister, who no longer looked excited to work with me. What a pity.

"Well, Pillar? What is the most toxic plant's name, and what are it's side effects?" Water Hemlock. It contained cicutoxin, which attacked the central nervous system and caused seizures and even death when ingested. I didn't expect her to know, but honestly I hadn't expected any of them to. They weren't me. They weren't even close. When I realized I had months of this, how much improvement had to occur for any of them to even stand a chance, I considered killing myself.