:| Broken smiles || Tom/Rafe |:

s o n j a arcopello.

I begin to wander, wander what life would have been like if my family hadn’t died in the burning flames of hell. I begin to wander if I would have been happy, if I would have found love, if I would have been able to watch my parents grow old. I also begin to wander if I would have meet Ruby. Ruby, the only person in the world that I could trust- the only person in the world who I could see. I begin to wander if the fire that ate my family was a sign, or a burden. Was it wrong, wrong to think that the fire who only allowed me to live was a sign, a sign off something good? Did that make me a bad person? Did it? I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to know. I wanted to think of myself as a good person, of a person who was a survivor, living the life that my family would have wanted. I miss them, every hour of the day they scream to me, they live with me through every thought, every action. I wish they were alive… but then did I want them to see me like this? Trapped away in the walls of this hospital, in the ward for those who are broken?

No I didn’t. I was a mess, a broken vase, one that could not be put back together again- well that’s what they told me, whispered in the shadows of their offices. I was broken, a girl who had lost her sanity, who had gained a dangerous half. I didn’t want to be like this, I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to live out there- out where I could feel the wind on my face, where the birds would call my name- not in here, not in this place where the monsters of the might, my own imagination called out to me at my weakest moments.

Sighing I push the silly thoughts of life to the back of my mind, my fingers playing idly with the corner of the jacket that I wore over the hideous clothing that identified me as being a patient. I hated wearing the hospital clothes- but each time I tried taking them off and replacing them with my own, I would be cornered and told to change back. I was theirs, an item that they owned, that they maintained that they cared for. I wasn’t my own person- not anymore. I was nothing but a piece of walking living flesh that had lost its ownership and had been brought by the caring people of my new living quarters. It wasn’t that I hated my life here and more to the fact that I wished events could have been shifted, I wished that some of the events that have occurred in my lie could have been nothing but a nightmare, something that I had dreamed about to have woken up to a world that was just- that was the same to what it had been before I had fallen asleep.

Slowly I relieve the bed of my weight, my feet gaining the new weight of my body as I wandered from the room which I have called my own for what seems like a long time these days. I turn down the corridor, my hands slipping into the pockets of my jacket, my eyes searching the perfect white of the walls that surrounded me. So white. So pure. So clean. Everything in this place was so clean, from the toilet seats to the soft material of the pillow cases of the many beds. Not many places in the district were clean, but the hospital was one of them, drowning the people within with the fresh smell of disinfectant and other cleaning products that the district was able to cash up from the capitol.

My feet make no sound on the white tiles as I wander away from my room and down the corridor that would lead me on an adventure that I would look back on and smile about. Smile, always smile, not frown.