{Staring at the Stars//Kousei}
Jan 8, 2014 0:05:57 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2014 0:05:57 GMT -5
M Y I N T E N T I O N S A R E G O O D.
K A C Y L O P E Z
DISTRICT7 | FIFTEEN | FEMALE
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K A C Y L O P E Z
DISTRICT7 | FIFTEEN | FEMALE
_______________________________________________________
If I was to come up with the best plan in the world, it would be futile, because anything I account for never turns out as I expect. I mean well, but in some way, I stumble over my own actions, tripping off a chain reaction that only leads to my own embarrassment. Almost any memory I recall ends cringe worthy, and no matter how many times I try to do something right, it’s almost always out of my reach. For the longest time, I started wondering why, but now, I do not ask. I will not receive the answer I’m looking for, or really any answer for that matter. However, I do often wonder, and that’s innocent enough, right?
There are no answers to my questions. I end up standing out on the hilltops looking at the stars waiting for the answer to fall out of the sky. But unlike the novels and stories that so often go well, not one meteor plummets out of the night to save me from the ignorance that is slowly swallowing me up. Once again, the night passed, without a star in the cold sky to warm me. The fire that burned in the hearth seemed distant, the flames doing nothing to warm me. I was used to fire, I was used to the way it sparked and flickered and lit up a room. I was used to the heat and pressure it applied, and more than once I wanted to think of myself as a flame. I am bright and pushy and exuberant and I want someone else to realize that. Not just me. I can’t be the only one to look at myself and see these things. That’s how it seems to appear, the people around me paying me no notice and I storm through the world, demanding attention where it could be found.
Now, as I stomped through the light, feathery snow that was so out of my element, I felt nothing. Not the usual happiness that floated through me and seemed to lift my feet off the ground, neither the anger that temperamentally raged through me and expelled itself in any way possible. There was simply, nothing. Each time my foot hit the ground something left my body, flying out through my feet and dispelling into the ground below. What was leaving you ask? I do not know the answer to that either. Again, I’m left without knowing, without realizing what is going on. I am stuck in the middle of a rotating earth, being left behind with each second that ticks by.
The falling flakes distract me as I stop mid-step, taking a rash moment of my time to admire what I just a moment ago felt as nothing. I am changeable, I’ll be the first to tell you, and some may say that’s a bad thing, but I don’t believe so. I find it to be interesting, and because of it, you—or even I for that matter, never know what to expect. I am not now paying attention to the faces around me, not in detail anyway. I am, however, thinking about the way that one person could change everything I believe to be firm in that life. I’m not talking about romance or friendship or even acquaintanceship, I’m talking about any way possible. Which of these people, short or tall, girl or boy, would change my life in a way that I am not expecting?
Why, why, why?
There are no answers to my questions. I end up standing out on the hilltops looking at the stars waiting for the answer to fall out of the sky. But unlike the novels and stories that so often go well, not one meteor plummets out of the night to save me from the ignorance that is slowly swallowing me up. Once again, the night passed, without a star in the cold sky to warm me. The fire that burned in the hearth seemed distant, the flames doing nothing to warm me. I was used to fire, I was used to the way it sparked and flickered and lit up a room. I was used to the heat and pressure it applied, and more than once I wanted to think of myself as a flame. I am bright and pushy and exuberant and I want someone else to realize that. Not just me. I can’t be the only one to look at myself and see these things. That’s how it seems to appear, the people around me paying me no notice and I storm through the world, demanding attention where it could be found.
Now, as I stomped through the light, feathery snow that was so out of my element, I felt nothing. Not the usual happiness that floated through me and seemed to lift my feet off the ground, neither the anger that temperamentally raged through me and expelled itself in any way possible. There was simply, nothing. Each time my foot hit the ground something left my body, flying out through my feet and dispelling into the ground below. What was leaving you ask? I do not know the answer to that either. Again, I’m left without knowing, without realizing what is going on. I am stuck in the middle of a rotating earth, being left behind with each second that ticks by.
The falling flakes distract me as I stop mid-step, taking a rash moment of my time to admire what I just a moment ago felt as nothing. I am changeable, I’ll be the first to tell you, and some may say that’s a bad thing, but I don’t believe so. I find it to be interesting, and because of it, you—or even I for that matter, never know what to expect. I am not now paying attention to the faces around me, not in detail anyway. I am, however, thinking about the way that one person could change everything I believe to be firm in that life. I’m not talking about romance or friendship or even acquaintanceship, I’m talking about any way possible. Which of these people, short or tall, girl or boy, would change my life in a way that I am not expecting?
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