CAP: Dreams vs. Reality

My voice comes out with a bit more force then I could of, but it still came out with a slow slurring on my tongue to the blond. The response I get from her tells me instantly that my first assumptions of it being Gwen is wrong. It is truely Gala and as I look at her more, I see more and more that she's alive and well. Standing in the doorway, I see her mouth move and she begins to make her way over to me. As soon as she sits in the chair, I look down to her and give her a weak smile, then my lips return to the fine line. I bring up my bandaged hand and bend it to meet with my eyes, even though just the movement itself pulls the many stitches that had been used to close the deep, long gash. My fingers sweep across my right eye, then move gently across my left eye careful of the dressings that cover the injury on my face. I flinch though because of the swelling on my cheek beneath the gauze. I groan once again.

"I guess there wouldn't be pain if I was dead... so, I guess not." I finally say, a little late to her questions. Though, the second part of her question, I stray from talking about because it makes me think about the dream. I feel my heart drop for a moment and the monitor beside me spikes up a little bit but after a second returns to a normal rate. I let my eyes wander up to the numbers for a moment, making myself calm before I turn back to Gala when she asks a common question. I give a slight nodd to her and look to my hand as I begin to move it down to let it rest against blankets.

"Hmmm, can I think on that for a while?" I give her my answer and wait for a few moments to really start checking out my surroundings. "The pain is kinda the only reason I feel like I'm still alive, but you're welcome to steal it for yourself if you need it, courtesy of Kya." I tell her giving off a hint of humor in my lips. Almost immediately after that, I bring my arm backward a little bit to prop myself up, but my stomach begins to hurt as I do so. I lean back down quickly, closing my eyes and breathing through the pain for the moment. That's when I start to remember the pain that sent me to the ground though, when I was with Matthew right after my match. My stomach was killing me and before I knew it, the darkness had engulfed my consciousness. Was the injury that Mark made on me be the cause of that? The cut on my cheek and arm too?

"So, what's the diagnosis doc?" I ask Gala and force myself to roll over on my side despite the pain in my stomach. My backside is numb from laying for so long and I know if I don't move, I'll get more stiff. "How long have I been out?" I question her and begin to wonder about one more thing and I hesitate before I ask. "Has... Matthew been here?"

"Already got some." Gala giggles, shaking her jacket pocket. I have to stiffle a laugh though. She was just like Matthew already. A spitting image of the great one himself. Though, at the moment, I try not to think about him for long. I still think to the way he held me before I shoved him away. I must have hurt him when I did that, but I was still so full of anger at him, and add in the pain from the match and the surprise that he was actually there didn't help either. I had not even known he would show up after the argment and fight we had over the fight between me and Gala. That's when it hits me that even though I disappeared and walked out on both of them, they were always there to want to help me. Once again, I have to make myself feel guilty for the way I've treated them both. I've never had to experience friendships like this before. The only person that I got close to was also the one that bullied and hurt me growing up. Friendships never lasted with me and maybe that's why I was pushing Matthew away already? Because I was used to it happening to me.

Still, silence rings out from me for a moment, before I reach for the call button but hold off on pushing it. I've got a sudden need to use the restroom, but dare not do it right at this moment. The thought of going somewhere with a mirror is daunting. I can feel the swelling on my face even without touching it and I dread having to see the gauze taped on my face. I merely nod to Gala on the question of needing some of the morphling, but soon, I feel as though I will end up calling the nurse for it. The throbbing in my cheek is starting to bother me the more I talk, but I hide it externally.

"To be alive... hurts though. Guess, I can't win for losing right?" I find something else to humor the youngster with and move to my side and take a deep breath for a minute letting my body settle to the new arrangement. I look at the iv in my hand and the cord leading up to the liquid that drips slowly through the tube. I can only imagine they use that to keep me going since I'd lost so much blood as Gala describes to me. The stitches I can feel. Though, I wonder about my stomach. Why it hurts so much. The last I remember was my shirt was soaked through, but I'd not gotten a chance before I passed out to look at the damage.

"Hmmm... You don't say.. or rather listened..." and for the perfect moment after what Gala says, she makes a good comeback to what she said. "If I'm such a touch cookie, why do I feel so crummie?" I find somewhere deep within me that bit of humor that makes me actually laugh before I stop. My stomach hurts a bit and I allow myself a moment to put my hand to my abdoment to feel the thick bandages that cover it. I sigh heavily.

Gala explains how long I had been out for and I already wonder when they will let me go. I also wonder how long it would be before they come in checking on me. I have no clue what the schedule is for checking on patients, but pushing the call button is getting even more tempting with my need to pee. The fluids running through the tube is doing its job.

The second that Gala answers my question about Matthew, I have to literallyl close my eyes. I had ruined it between me and him and all because of the need to get back into the pregames the moment I lost my focus and hurt my only friend. The guilt begins to rise up in me again before Gala starts spouting off the cool thing about me being famous.

"The only girl who got to round two and got busted in three hits. I think that's more impressive. How many hits does it take to take down the only career female? One.. two... three... splat." I joke with her and let this curious smile take full on my lips. With that joke, I can't wait any longer and reach up to push the call button.

Looking at Gala, I begin to move to get up, pushing against the bed rather uncomfortably because both of my arms are pretty much useless right now at this time. How lucky was I, that I had to be the one to have both arms out of commission. I'd much rather be in Gala's position and at least I'd be able to use one of my hands for something so urgent. A moment later, a nurse comes in, and sees me trying to get up and she reaches my side within a second.

"Kyanite, you need to lay back down okay? Are you in pain? I can see about getting you something to take the edge off for you?" She chimes in as she tries to get me to lay back down but I shake my head.

"Restroom, please..." I beg her and she understands my need now, and actually helps me to a sitting position before she disconnects my line to the dripping solution. Without the assistance other than just to get up, I return a few moments later and she helps me lay back down again. She reconnects the tubing to the machine and pulls the covers back up to my hips.

"Thanks. Any chance I'll be getting out of here soon?" I ask her and she gives me a quaint smile.

"Always so eager to get out of the hospital. YOu and your little friend here must think we only give pain here. Well, you'll have to rethink that one. I'll be back shortly with something to take that edge off, alright?" She tells me as she exits and I stare at Gala again.

"I"m getting out of here in the morning, whether they like it or not... When... is Matthew's match? Do you know if he's mad at me?" I question her again.

The nurse leaves abruptly after her required assistance to get me up for my need to use the restroom. I watch the woman's figure leave through the door, shutting it just so and quietly. It was so late at night, that I could tell just by the way the window behind the blinds seemed to express nothing but blackness. I sigh heavily for a minute raising a hand up to my face and grimacing with the light touch on the bandage. Just the thought of something to take the pain away is very tempting. I can't possibily wait for her to come back. It isn't till after my short trip, so I realize how weak I do feel after everything that has happened. How the blood loss has really effected my limbs and my ability to get tired so quickly. How the moment I got situated back in the bed did I feel releif.

"Laying down actually feels good right now." I say to Gala, watching for her expressions after she tells me that she'd help me escape this dismal place. I began to wonder what she did when she was made to stay here, too. Did she have the company like I did after I left. How horrible I feel for doign that to her. I"m sorry Gala. I was scared. I didn't know what else to do. The apology sounds good in my head, but I can't seem to voice it out to her. So, instead, I listen more to her when she tells me that Matthew isn't mad at me, but still hasn't come to visit me in the hours that I had been out of it. That kind of answer actually makes me feel sadness knowing that he took my pushing him away seriously. I guess I let my eyes show it for a moment to Gala before turning my face into the pillow and taking in a deep breath. I let the cool scent of alcohol and hospital fabrics penetrate my nose before I turn my head back to look at Gala.

"What ya looking at?" I whisper out but she doesn't answer me, but instead she asks if she can sit on the side of the bed and to sign her cast. I give her a wonderous smile. "Of course, Gala." I chime and while she gets up and gets on to the bed, I move over more so she'll be able to sit cross legged on the bed with me. Right now, I'm not really tired, just sorta hurting, but this is helping with that.

"Scoot further on the bed and get comfy, please. It's better than that chair. Oh, thanks for being a distraction, Gala." I say and with her help, she hands me the marker. Once again, I use my elbow to prop my body up, grimacing heavily until I'm up to a sitting position. It takes me a few moments, but with a straightened back, I begin to make my mark on her cast. The lettering I make is neat and precise, even if the bumpy surface of the cast isn't truely ideal. On the 'i', I put a small little explostion mark and then underline my name with a personal touch underneath of four little X' and O's.

"There we go. Now, it's your turn, G. Mind being the first on mine?" I hand her the marker and put my left arm out for her. "If the other one was a hard cast, I'd have to ask you for two signatures just so that would match, but can't do that on the guaze." While I wait for her to make her mark on my cast, I look at her, biting the inside of my lip.

"Why did you stay here with me? I mean, not even Matthew came here. Neither my brother nor my father didn't even come. I expected my brother at least, maybe, but... I didn't expect for either of you two to even be there at my match after the way I treated you both." I can't help but swallow this lump forming in my throat, but I take a breath and continue. "I didn't stay for you, so why did you stay for me?"

I finish signing Gala's cast and for some reason, I felt like it was hypocritical of me because I was the one that put her in the cast in the first place. In a way, it also felt like things would get back to normal for us both. Since my mark was on her cast, it was saying we were friends again. That all is forgiven. A wish of wellness to her while she heals with just the letters of my name to penetrate through the hard rock and send healing wishes down into her bone. Then the tables are turned even though she didn't break my arm. Kayghna did. Still, the same though goes through my head as wishing me well to heal fast. I chuckle slighty seeing how messy her signature is to mine, but I don't voice that opinion. I loved the signature all the same because it was the only marks to grace my cast. I do wonder, but throw the thought away, if Matthew would sign it. Both of ours. I shake my head to my inner thoughts and see her recap the black marker.

"I just can't imagine Matthew signing these things." I tell her honestly knowing he don't like the publicity of being around girls in the first place, but to put his name on a cast of two? It acutally amuses me a bit. I turn my cast inward to me to study the pictures that she drew just as equally as large as her own four lettered name. "Lovely, G. Just lovely. Thank you." I tell her with enthusiam before I got into a more serious discussion with my friend. I have to let the smile fade when I do it because the topic I'm about to lay out to her goes deeper into my skin then the cuts on my skin. I bit my lip through, causing me to taste a metalic substance before I voice out what I needed to know. It only takes Gala less than a second to correct me.

"Staying..." I nod to her, a faint smile forming on my lips at the present tense verb instead of me using the alternative. I wait for her to tell me and it doesn't take long at all for her to tell me like it is. Not only that, but she clearly makes herself more comfortable on the bed that I offered up to her claiming it was better than the chair. She brings her feet up, once again, showing that she isn't going anywhere. A jolt of pain shoots through my arm and I move it just a little to straighten it out and grimace as I listen to her. Now would be a good time for the nurse to come in with the medicine, but she don't.

"I know how lonely and boring it can get in here. Didn't want you to go through that. Plus, you and MAtthew are the only friends I've got." I nearly want to drop my bottom lip and let it gape open for a moment when I hear the last thing she said. That, both me and Matthew, were the only friends she had? That didn't seem possible at all. She was a strong young career. Her family loved her, I know? Her sister did for sure seeing as how she was her twin afterall, and she was there, even if she was late, for what happened after her match. It didn't seem possible that could be true for little Gala. I bring in my lip a little and bit solely on one spot for a second and advert my gaze away when she began talking once again, changing the subject. I didn't want to add to the moment of saying the same thing. I've only had a handful of friends myself, but my career training life didn't leave much room for friends. Though, they are the only two that have seemed to stick around for me. I guess we all three just seem to make an unimaginablely great trio.

And I leave it up to Gala to change the subject to make a joke about me being a full cripple without the use of my arms. Both of them wrapped and with casts. Both of them that is nothing but a pain to deal with because putting pressure on either of them is out of the question. It also means a great deal of time away from weilding weapons and throwing knives. A jolt of remorse comes at that moment when Gala said that though. I won't be throwing knives. I won't be doing weapons sparring. At least for the next two or three weeks, my right arm will still have the stitches on it. As deep as the gash was, I can only imagine my uselessness is going to get to me. My other arm will be out of commission for longer than that. At least a few more weeks longer than my right. I shake my head, feeling the pit of my stomach drop. What will I do now? As useless as I am... No use in training... cause I can't. What will I be able to do? I'd be surprised that my dad don't just disown me after this. I contemplate my future at my home.

"You sure you don't want any painkillers?"

I nod to her and watch as she takes one of the tubes of morphling and downs it in a second, but the moment that she offers me some, I hear a knock on the door and I use my casted hand to quickly knock Gala's hand down to hide the evidence. I give Gala a quick smile before the nurse comes in. I try to make it look as normal as possible, despite the grimace that is far from fake from the movements again my stomach. She notices it immediately, I see.

"Already sitting up, my dear? You doing alright?" She asks seeing Gala sitting on my bed and in her hand, she has two needles and some type of tube of medication. I give her small nod.

"Yeah, I was tired of laying down." I just give her that bit of information but she asks once again about how I'm doing.

"Are you in pain, Miss Ruze? Don't lie to me either. You careers are all the same. Afraid to admi..."

"Yes. And I'm not afraid to say I'm in pain. Not now." I look to Gala, honesty written all over my face. What can I say, after so many stitches and bloodloss, I'll take anything I'm given. I look to her when she hears my confession and puts one of her hands up as if she's defending herself from me.

"Sorry, wasn't trying to offend you Miss. Was just making a joke. Mostly, it's the guys that are stubborn and refuse the treatments. You? I can see a good head on your shoulders." She states and I can only think to myself that I was still responsible for putting that cast on Gala's hand. Good head on my shoulders... as long as I don't lose my focus. She takes the two needles and simultaneously injects the needles into the tubing line of my IV. Each of the medicine starts to go through my veins, creating this icy cold feeling to penetrate my body. My head spins suddenly with this new feeling. Must be a stronger form of the morphling... damn... One more second, and I feel the need to lay down.

"I need to lay down..." I state and the nurse is already helping me lay back, and the moment my head hits the pillows, the pain in my stomach and in my arm is gone. It's almost this numbing type of feeling. The icy cold tingling that's running through my veins.

"Miss Ruze, while I'm here, I'm going to check your stomach and apply this creme to it. It'll only take a second." I nod to her and look to Gala for a moment hoping that she'll turn away from seeing the wound.

"Miss, if you'll step out please for just a few moments?" She asks Gala, but I immediately voice out my opinion.

"She can stay." I close my eyes, getting lost in the euphoria of the morphling.

"She can stay. She's family." I tell the nurse as she nods her head to me and allows Gala to stay. Gala, on the other hand, gives the nurse a nasty look for suggesting that she leave my room while she does the treatment on my stomach. I can't help but grin before closing my eyes and resting against the pillow that seems to ease some pain just by relaxing my body. I don't move much the moment the nurse pulls my dressing gown up to reveal the bandages and easily removes the taped down gauze. Looking down at the wound, it almost sickens me to see the redness that outlines the healing wound and the many indentions of where each and every stitch was placed to close up the gash across my midsection. I'm lucky that Mark didn't hit any lower but instead, he stayed just under my ribs. Either way, it's uncomfortable the moment that she begins to spread the cool cream over the stitches area and around the surrounding skin. I flinch with every touch, but keep my eyes closed hoping it'll be over soon.

"There we go, Kyanite. I'll come back sometime in a few hours to redress your arm and treat it as well. Get some sleep, dear. You need it." I nodd my head as I wait for the sensation of the pressure to leave me where she had retaped more clean gauze over the area of the stitches. With the gentle movement of my dressing gown now placed over my body again, she reaches for some gel that she rubs on her hands, checks the monitors and dismisses herself.

"If you need anything, just hit the call button." She tells me and I open my eyes momentarily to see her stare at me before opening the door and closing it back. The latching of the door is what makes me feel like I'm truely alone with Gala again. Freedom to speak again and not have to worry about her prying ears to listen in on our conversation and stuff.

"It's not that bad is it? My stomach?" I ask her, wanting to know the truth. Feeling it is one thing, however, seeing it on the other end is what I'm curious about. My curiosity is mainly to think about what Matthew will say the next time we are together. If the marks on my skin will ward him away from my once flawless skin. Even my face, I'm scared of what he'll think. The stiff part of my face due to the stack of gauze that makes it look like it might be worse than it really is, but is it? I've not looked at it. HAvn't wanted to. I'm actually scared to see what Mark has done to me. Two of the wounds are going to be able to be covered with clothes. Hidden underneath a veil but my vanity will always show and I know that once it heals, no amount of make up can take away the scar. I roll my head over into the pillow for a moment taking a deep breath before looking over to Gala. I can feel the powerful numbing sleep wanting to take over, but I want to stay awake. I want to keep my eyes open in case Matthew was to come, but still, the thought that I pushed him away earlier is weighing heavy on my heart.

"No. I don't mind at all, Gala. You can take as much room as you need. If you don't mind my snoring." I tease her although I know I don't snore. Curiosity of what she would say takes over me, with the left side of my lip curling into a smile. A moment later, after cracking my eyes open again and fighting against the morphling that continues to run through my system, I make a groaning noise.

"Gala... I feel horrible..." I tell her but quickly without hesiation continue cause I don't want her to think I'm in physical pain. "... I was so mean to Matthew today. After my match, I pushed him away from helping me. I think I may have hurt him. I don't know if he'll forgive me despite what you said earlier. I don't think he'll like me much when I see him next... if I see him at all. Do you think... that if I went to his match, he'll do the same thing to me? Push me away?"

The monitors above my bed beep with every heartbeat it records, the number of my pulse seem to lower just slightly reading at just seventy-two. I'm relaxed, but stressed about what I'm trying to convey to Gala, but would she really understand? She's young, but she also knows Matthew as well. She understands his dislike for the female population. "I was hurt... we had a fight the other day. We said some things... I was reeling off that. I didn't want him there with me. The last words I remember him saying to me before I walked out on him was that he was going to give back to me what I did to you and not hold back. The last thing I had said to him was that I hoped someone else would have to hurt me instead. Gala... why does it hurt so much?" I beg for her to tell me an answer and be honest.

It seemed to me that everything that has been going through my head for the last several days without either of them, that now it comes out hot and heavy. My emotions that seem to be all over the place; spilling over into Gala's hands even as young as she was. All I cared about was that she was here as a friend. She seemed genuinely concerned for the most part until the first thing that comes out of her mouth was a complete joke. I have to let her joke settle for a moment cause I was asking for honesty in my thoughts and honesty is what I got. "Because the morphling hasn't kicked in yet." As much as that answer was nothing what I wanted to hear, it does seem to make my roll my face over into my pillow just to escape the smile that was trying to tug on the corners of my lips. I roll my gaze back over to Gala beyond the edge of the pillowcase.

"That's not what I mean, Gala..." I tell her, my heart carrying this heavy burden and she was making jokes. then again, I have to remember that by joking, it's Gala's way of handling things sometimes. She's always been the jokester between the three of us. I would consider myself to be full of determination while Matthew is the muscles out of all three of us. What a weird combination we three are. Opposites attract more than just that. It brings together a tightnit group of friends. And I've screwed it up between me and Matthew. Damn me for being so stubborn... I let my eyes close for a few moments before I hear Gala speak up again. This time she explains more into how she got there. She tells me that Matthew brought her to the pregames tournament just to watch me and the moment that I had lost, he had forgotten the little career. That by itself makes me sad to think that after he got mad at me for what I had done to Gala, he just leaves her hanging there to come after me.

So, does that mean he still cares for me? Could it be that I prematurely pushed him away without even caring about what he thought? What he did to make sure Gala got there for me. As Gala says, he didn't even have to stay but he did. Damn, Ky... you screw everything up. I look down at the girl laying beside me on the hospital bed. She has no care in Panem about where she was needed tonight. Just the thought of keeping the little career as close as possible as friends can be, she knew that she'd have to make that vow. Next time, no matter what, she would be there for her in her time of need. It was not a debatable thing. Friendships rarely ever made it her way and not only did she have Matthew, but Gala seems to be filling that void that I have been needing for quite some time. Even her attitude keeps everything positive to the point that she practically demands that I should be at Matthew's match.

In the recesses of my mind, I was already going to go, but now, as if I'd made a verbal promise to the girl, I nod a 'yes' to her. "I agree, Gala. I have no choice. Matthew was there for me, despite what I did, I can just hope that Matt don't do the same thing back at me. I don't like that we havn't spoken in so long."

A couple of days may not seem like much to others, but to me, I feel absololutely lost without him by my side. I've gotten freakin spoiled to his touches and him just being there. I do'nt want to lose it now for the first time that some guy has actually went further than just a first date or just by meeting me.

I sigh.

"You guys just need to do a better job with training me." What she says completely catches me off guard. How could she say that? It's bad enough that I can't hardly train myself right now and here she is already wanting to start back. It's a horrible predicament. "We're both in casts and I'm full of stitches. I surely hope that you're not expecting me to start running around in circles and stuff? If so, go ahead - drop and give twenty-five." I actually give off a real smile. Behind me though, I feel the little guy in red creeping in, wanting to force his ways on me of still being mad. From this moment on, I take Gala's advice. I can't stay mad at him.

I stare up onto the ceiling tiles and begin picutring Mark and Matthew's fight. "He better win..."